Friday Skull Session

By Sarah on August 26, 2011 at 6:00a

Happy Friday, to the lovers, the dreamers, and me. We are headed into the last football-deficient weekend of the year, so if any of your friends or family are total lame-os who couldn't care less about The Footballs, you better spend some time with them while you can. If you're ready to start a family, get your baby-making in now, since the end of May is an acceptable time, sports-wise, to give birth. If you're already a parent, but your 8-year-old would rather play soccer on a Saturday, then read him or her an extra bedtime story this week and find some over-involved parents who live vicariously through their children to cart your kid around to and from games. 

I am hosting guests this weekend, which means I'll be compulsively cleaning my bathroom and cursing my poor timing. You see, it's guaranteed that the second I wake up, with a bladder ready to burst, someone will hop in the shower. I will then try to meditate through the pain of uromysitisis, and in doing so, I will miss the 10-second window of one person leaving the bathroom and another person entering.  When I'm questioned about my ambivalence on the whole marriage thing, I can give plenty of reasons, such as "why should I be allowed to get married when it isn't legal for gay people in most states?" or "I'm pretty sure it would end in a murder-suicide", but a lot of it boils down to the fact that I don't want to share a bathroom with anyone.

Anyway, enough about my neuroses, as crazy adorably amusing as they may be. You've got just over a week to bone up on football info. And speaking of bones1, why not enjoy some this weekend courtesy of City BBQ? After all, you've got to train for Eat Too, Brutus, which is only two months away. 

 THANK YOU, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS. After yesterday's practice, Coach Fickell acknowledged the worst-kept secret: Joe Bauserman and Braxton Miller are the top two quarterbacks. Considering they've taken the most reps in practice lately, this is hardly news, but it is the first time he's gone as far as to officially single those two out. Although he declined to name a starter for the opener next week(!), it's safe to assume, as it has been for months, that both will play. 

Fickell also voiced his opinion on a two-QB system. He's not opposed to one because it fosters competition. Whether he believes that, or simply wanted to use his favorite word in a sentence, I think we're all prepared for a QB rotation, at least at the start of the season. Fickell, who was on hand for the first year of the Stanley Jackson/Joe Germaine situation, declared it to be a success. If you look at the big picture—Rose Bowl Champs, #2 in the final rankings—I suppose it could be considered as such. Admittedly, my football knowledge was quite limited at the time, but what I remember most is, like much of the 90s, a winnable game against Michigan lost in soul-crushing fashion. I also recall a lot of "why isn't Germaine starting?" head-scratching going on. We'll just have to trust that Fickell will keep his promise and do what's best for the team. Obviously.    

I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS! In case anyone has forgotten during The Longest Offseason of All Time, central Nebraska's comprehensive news authority would like to remind those people that Ohio State is still dangerous. As we all know, the talent is there, though the circumstances are new. For once, this team is an underdog of sorts. Wisconsin is the favorite to win the Leaders? Legends? Leaders Division, and no one on this team knows what it feels like to not win the conference2. Mike Brewster says everyone is embracing this foreign status:

"But I think when we start winning, we're not going to be the underdog anymore and people will jump back on. That will be the fun part."

Gotta love that attitude. I'm getting a kick out of imagining the players acting out this Breaking Bad scene, telling opponents, "You clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in: I am not in danger...I am the danger." And that's as far as I want to take an analogy between Ohio State and Walter White.

The Grant Show...I'm here all day, folks.           Not taking anything for Grant-ed

 GRANT'S HILL TO CLIMB. As many who have observed practice noted, linebackers coach Mike Vrabel has taken special interest in freshman Curtis Grant. Unfortunately for Grant, that means Vrabel is constantly riding him and screaming Deadwood quotes in his face. On the plus side, that seems to be code for, "the coach likes you and sees potential".

The five-star recruit conceded that college ball is a lot harder than he expected, but he seems to be taking it as a challenge to get better. It's not impossible, though it is unlikely, that he'll redshirt because there isn't a lot of depth at the LB position, and he's talented enough that he could find his way in the two-deep at some point this season. Like many Ohio State linebackers before him, his early contributions could be on special teams. 

The article also takes a look at possible redshirts for the freshmen class. It's clear that certain freshmen, like Miller, Michael Bennett, Doran Grant, Jeff Heuerman, Ryan Shazier, and Devin Smith, will get playing time this season. It's less certain who will redshirt, other than the injured Conner Crowell and someone like Nick Vannett, who as a tight end, plays a position that is fairly loaded.

I EXPECTED THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS TO BE ROCKIER THAN THIS. The broadcast duo of Urban Meyer and Chris Spielman3 recently sounded off on Brady Hoke and Michigan. Meyer, who claimed to have watched Michigan's spring practice, remarked:

"I was expecting something much worse than what I saw. I saw a bunch of good players out there running around and being well-coached."

Is he sure he didn't witness a Delaware practice instead? Or maybe Urbs was just being nice because Greg Mattison was once a defensive coach under him at Florida? No, wait. Urban Meyer being nice? Cue the Pixies.

Meanwhile, Spielman chimed in with his take on the stutter Hoke is trying to hide by declining to pronounce the word "State":

"I think it's great, because I always say Michigan football would be nowhere without players from Ohio. That famous coach from Michigan was from Ohio, Bo Schembechler, so they have to come to Ohio to get what they need to fulfill their football program, so I feel we're a major contributor." 

He then maintains that he's joking, but I don't think he is. It's funny 'cause it's true.  

 THAT'S GOING TO BE A BUSY WEEK IN NOVEMBER. The non-conference part of the basketball schedule is now complete with Valparaiso visiting Columbus on November 25th. The BB Bucks also have games scheduled for the 21st (North Florida) and 23rd (VMI), making that three games in five days. And oh yeah, the 24th is Thanksgiving and the 26th is The Game. Not to mention they play Duke the following Tuesday. I think I'll start my preparations for the weeklong food/couch coma now.

As Bob Baptist points out, though, that extra game in November will give them two byes during conference season, which I'm sure the coaches and players will appreciate.

 FIRST IS THE WORST, SECOND IS THE BEST. Yesterday, the Ohio State Department of Athletics was presented with the second-place trophy for the Directors' Cup. On hand to accept the award was a member of the women's soccer team, which finished third in the nation last season, and an assistant coach of the men's volleyball, which won the national championship. Including football4, 13 different teams concluded their seasons in the top 10. 

 I HEAR KANDAHAR IS LOVELY THIS TIME OF YEAR. Former Buckeye Nick Swisher is finally going to take his honeymoon. And what piece of paradise have he and his blushing bride chosen? Why Afghanistan, of course. I know when I was watching last night's episode of Louie, in which he goes to Afghanistan on a USO tour, I thought, "Maybe I will get married, just so I can honeymoon there".

In all seriousness, it's very respectable of the Swishers to visit the troops, especially on their first trip as a husband and wife.

 TIME TO HIT THE LINKS. Terrelle Pryor agreed to a 4-year deal with the Raiders worth $2.7 million. Taking a pay cut, that'll buy a lot of tats, he won't have to borrow any cars—do I have all the lulz covered?... Athlon Sports calls Jim Delany the most powerful man in college football. Take that, Mike Slive... Happy Jack Mewhort is ready to be a starter... The Wire version of motivational posters... Coach Taylor getting his Ron Swanson on... Ever wonder how Marty McFly and Doc Brown became bros?... The best fake fast food chains... Lucky SOBs.    

  • 1 Perv!
  • 2 I think? Sometimes, I forget how long Bauserman and Moeller have been on the team, and it's possible they were around when Ohio State didn't win a share of the B1G. Whatever dinosaur age that was.
  • 3 Their first announcing assignment will be Ohio State-Akron because ESPN is hilaaaaarious.
  • 4 They may take our wins, but they'll never take our memories!

Comments Show All Comments

GoBucks713's picture

Great stuff Girl Friday. And to be honest, i'm kind of glad to hear something good is coming out of MeatChicken.


Intitutionalized by Suicicidal Tendancies would be a better song for Urban. Jusy sayin.

-The Aristocrats!

741's picture

Glad to hear someone else watches Louie.

GoBucks713's picture

But you wanted us to learn about the olden times...

-The Aristocrats!

BucksfanXC's picture

Everyone should watch Louie, that show is so different from anything else ever. It's truly before it's time.

That Ecto-1 is lame because it is not made from an ambulance.

“Any time you give a man something he doesn't earn, you cheapen him. Our kids earn what they get, and that includes respect.”  - Woody

Is it Saturday Yet's picture

An ambulance? 1963 Hearse.

BuckeyeSaab's picture

Also it's a '59, not '63.

I'm sorry for not being sorry.

SouthBayBuckeye's picture

the ghost buster's car as most certainly an ambulance.

Banned from ATO since June 3rd 2PMish PST

Is it Saturday Yet's picture

It's from Wikipedia, it has to be true:

The Ectomobile, or Ecto–1 is a 1959 Cadillac Miller-Meteor[49] limo-style endloader combination car (ambulance conversion) used in the 1984 film Ghostbusters and other Ghostbusters fiction.[50][51]

A combination car was a vehicle built upon a (usually Cadillac) "professional car" chassis which could be employed either as a hearse or as an ambulance, and had the capability of being swapped between those roles without much difficulty. These vehicles were upgraded by coachbuilders such as Superior, Miller-Meteor, and Cotner-Bevington, and were typical of the era when funeral homes offered emergency ambulance service in addition to their primary trade.

BucksfanXC's picture

As long as we all agree that the picture Ecto1 is, in fact, lame? Good.

“Any time you give a man something he doesn't earn, you cheapen him. Our kids earn what they get, and that includes respect.”  - Woody

BuckeyeBacker98's picture

I was at OSU during the whole Joe Germaine/Stanley Jackson fiasco, and vividly remember Jackson handing the Michigan game over on a silver platter.  Ahhh....memories

I picture Bauserman as a less mobile Stanley Jackson...obviously not a good thing.  Hopefully Braxton can sling it like Joe Germaine, and hopefully Fickell is smarter than Coop and scraps the 2 QB plan.

BucksfanXC's picture

I seem to remember Cooper was getting a lot of pressure from the University because of race, like if he didn't start the black QB he was a racist or something. So stupid. That Rose Bowl though, I will forget it. I still smile when I see Jake Plummer in an NFL game. Is he still in the NFL?

“Any time you give a man something he doesn't earn, you cheapen him. Our kids earn what they get, and that includes respect.”  - Woody

Maestro's picture

Think he is a professional hand ball player or some such.

vacuuming sucks

Buckeye Chuck's picture

You're thinking of the '97 Michigan game, and as poorly as Jackson played that day, we were the legitimate underdogs (that was UM's national championship season). The '96 game, in which we were at home and heavily favored, was Germaine's first-ever start, and neither QB played well. That was the game where it became apparent that the Cooper Buckeyes were always going to be too tight against Michigan to ever win without an enormous talent advantage.

I don't expect the "two quarterback system" to last any longer than it takes for one of the contenders to clearly establish himself, and as was the case with Pryor and Boeckman 3 years ago, I would guess the freshman would be the eventual winner. But I agree with Fickell: I've always found it bizarre that so many Buckeye fans regard the Jackson-Germaine years as some sort of low point in program history.

The most "loud mouth, disrespect" poster on 11W.

BacknBlack's picture

I can still see Streets housing it in the open end of the shoe to seal the game. Makes me sick to think about it, damn I need a drink. 


BuddhaBuck's picture

When has a 2-QB system ever worked? I'd like one example that doesn't involve the names Tebow and Leak.

Don't text while driving.

BrewstersMillions's picture

That wasnt really a two QB system either, Chris "I have to take a" Leak was 232-365 on the year while Tebow only threw 33 passes that year. He (Tebow) was used as a gimmick his Freshman year at Florida. Leak was the primary starter and Tebow only had his special package of plays.


I also move to vote to remove myself as a Buckeye alum and fan all together for having typed the words Tebow and Special Package in the same post. All opposed?

GoBucks713's picture

Move it along to Cowturd's website. LOL.

-The Aristocrats!

Maestro's picture

That John Denver..........

vacuuming sucks

SouthBayBuckeye's picture

Mr Sunshine on my goddamned shoulders, John Denver.

Banned from ATO since June 3rd 2PMish PST

elaydin's picture

Was not expecting a Pixies reference.  Well done.

Brutus's picture

I was not expecting a Kermit the Frog/Muppets song reference. Well done indeed.

Squirrel Master's picture

Watched Herbie on ESECPN this morning and he actually picked Ohio State to win the Big Ten Championship, with the cavet "believe it or not"! WOW, what a loyal member of the S&G.

I hope he is right, Ohio State vs. Iowa for the BT Champ! That would be a great game. and I live an hour and a half from Indianapolis!

P.S. Getting Married next Saturday! I submarined the future Mrs. Master and let her pick the colors of Red and Gray. Going to get an OHIO pic in as well. and thinking of getting her wedding day gift as a Stefanie Spielman breast cancer jersey!

I saw a UFO told me to have a goodyear!

BucksfanXC's picture

Congrats Squirrel! Had to get married on a college football Saturday though? Rough, unless you have TVs at the reception, then it's an open bar tailgate!

“Any time you give a man something he doesn't earn, you cheapen him. Our kids earn what they get, and that includes respect.”  - Woody

Squirrel Master's picture

well also won that battle too! She was thinking mid November. I said how about labor day weekend. It's only Akron and the game is at 12pm, wedding at 5pm. I will be able to see the game.

I saw a UFO told me to have a goodyear!

Irricoir's picture

I can't believe Dippus didn't make the list for best fake Fast Food resteraunt.

"I don't want a large Farva, I want a {daggone} litre of cola!

I don't always take names when I kick ass but when I do, they most often belong to a Wolverine.

SouthBayBuckeye's picture

roger that, holding the spit.

Banned from ATO since June 3rd 2PMish PST

poop's picture

"Want me to punchisize your face for free?" Yea, might have to watch that today.

Nerkbuckeye's picture

Last year I distinctly remember Herbie in the first week predicting Auburn would break out big and everyone thought he was crazy--including me-- hope he's on target with the Bucks

acBuckeye's picture

Pretty sure Spielman was not joking when he said that, otherwise he wouldn't have said it. Spielman is pure awesome.

Scott's picture

I don't get all the hate for Herbie. When he doesn't pick us in a game people freak out like he's disloyal. When he does pick us in a game people act like he's licking his wounds and crawling back to us.


Wish we hadn't run him out of Columbus.

Class of 2008

SouthBayBuckeye's picture

no one ran him out of town. he moved to TN for tax advantages. nothing else.

Banned from ATO since June 3rd 2PMish PST

BuckeyeSki's picture


Banned from BlackShoeDiaries since 2008. Crime: Slander/Defamation of Character Judgement: Guilty

William's picture

The one problem that I had with Herbstreit was when he sat there and said on national tv that he wouldn't have his kids play for Tressel and Ohio State, please name another alum who would say that.

BuckeyeSki's picture

Ray Small....

Banned from BlackShoeDiaries since 2008. Crime: Slander/Defamation of Character Judgement: Guilty

SouthBayBuckeye's picture

well technically speaking, he's not an alum.



Banned from ATO since June 3rd 2PMish PST

RoweTrain's picture

/Tech 9'd

"Just bow up and go out and play." ~ D. Lee

"As it stands right now, I know I am the best athlete in college football." ~ B. Miller

btalbert25's picture

Herbie is going away from bashing the Buckeyes because Tressel is gone.  I have a feeling he never really cared for Tressel or the program he was running.  It just seems as if ever since Tressel resigned/retired/got fired Herbie is pretty loyal to the Scarlet and Gray.

Nerkbuckeye's picture

Herbie is recovering from Stockholm Syndrone @ ESPIN. He's got them fooled now--he can afford to be a little homer every now and then.

Bucks43201's picture

hahhaa  ESPiN Stockhold Syndrome

"You win with people." - Woody Hayes

Huntington Beach Buckeye's picture

I'm glad others appreciate the Wire as much as me.  The best show EVER.....