The Customer is Always Right

By Ramzy Nasrallah on August 5, 2011 at 1:01p
44 Comments
You wake up and suddenly: You're in loveMr. Ocean will get the love he deserves from now on.

Last week we reached out to our congregation to better understand what we were doing right, what we should be doing better and what we shouldn't be doing at all. 

You spoke, and in huge numbers - so huge that it's going to take a lot more time to read through and digest all of your responses.  We're taking all of your suggestions very seriously, even including the deliberately unserious ones. 

That's because we embrace the fact that some of the best ideas happen by accident: Viagra was supposed to be a boring medication to help lower high blood pressure, not mutli-billion dollar boner pills. 

Potato chips were invented when a spiteful chef in Saratoga was sick of fielding complaints over his soggy potatoes.  He responding by slicing them too thin to be picked up with a fork just to troll his diners, who responded back with delight by loving them into a ubiquitous multi-billion dollar global obesity enterprise (i.e. the original #reversepotatoTROLLGAZE). 

And once upon a time in a move to ease shipping costs, wine was distilled and placed into wooden casks with the intention of adding water back in upon delivery.  When it arrived at its destination, it had turned into brandy, and after-dinner boozing was accidentally improved forever.

So when you tell us you want more pictures Brady Hoke being set on fire and fewer pictures of Brady Hoke not being set on fire (there were multiple requests for both) we take all of that seriously, because pictures of Brady Hoke in flames might end up being the next Viagra, and we don't want to be the guys who let that fortune slip through our fingers. 

Next week, Jason wiill share your feedback, at which time he'll also reveal who the randomly-selected winners of free merch from the 11W Dry Good Depot were. 

In the meantime, I'd like to share with you just some of the initial responses that gave us pause, made us squint, or spontaneously removed liquids from our mouths and deposited them onto our computer screens:

SOME 11W READERS WANT MORE OF THIS:

Nude Buckeye Cheerleaders Ed.: multiple requests for more nudity

I also enjoy the satire, and the Game Of Thrones/Harry Potter type stuff you guys do too. Yet Nerd is like religion to me.

Also, please work the words milquetoast, nancyboy, and lamesauce into your vocabulary. Sissylala is also a good one. Insults definitely need to become awesomer: lame names for the state of Michigan and such should be pummeled and replaced with not crap. This would cheer me immensely.

Let's get together for beers a couple of times a year. Like Eat Too Brutis we can raise some cheddar for a good cause.

Keg stands. Script Ohio. Card stunts.

Boobs. Ed.: multiple requests for more nudity, with anatomical specificity

ohio state winning a national title

The sweet tears and crestfallen looks on the formerly smug faces of all of my friends and co-workers who are Michigan fans after we roll to a nother satisfying victory.

Cheerleaders, the ones that pee sitting down! Ed.: Done. ----> http://11w.rs/qoYyph

(censored) Ed.: multiple requests for graphic nudity that left uncensored would immediately trip your office's profanity filter.  Please note - there are other sites that already do that.  Very, very well.

refer to Michigan as that "whorehouse above Indiana"

Jamal Berry touchdown returns. 

Aaron Craft singing.


SOME 11W READERS WANT LESS OF THIS:

Damns for the whole state of Michigan

I don't like the obsessive, nearly pedophilic manner in which some other sites follow recruiting.

Please tell Ramzy to keep his pants on. Ed.: "Pants?"  What are pants?

I would not like to see any member of your staff slow dance to the 1989 hit "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx with a shirtless Joe Tiller.

Stop not posting pictures of Brady Hoke being set on fire.

There was this one time when I put my cursor over a photo on the site and no witty text appeared. Please don't let that happen again.

Refer to Brady Hoke by any name other than Fred Flintstone.

(censored). You can never have too many (censored).

Continue not sucking.


IF SOME 11W READERS RAN ELEVEN WARRIORS, THEY WOULD:

Boobs. Seriously. And recipes that include bacon.

11W is like Mary Poppins...practically perfect in every way.

Free Beer Fridays.

Pay myself millions of dollars, obviously.

Run Dave all day long.

Invent a cure for cancer. Ed.: We're already working on that.

Find a sugar mama and pay all you guys so you could do this full time.

[Ed.: We're in favor of all of these suggestions, so much.]


YOUR OPEN SHOUTBOX COMMENTS INCLUDED:

Dont call my previous answers a man-crush.......

Btw, the site is also banned on US government computers, specifically those of the DoD.

I like cinnamon pop tarts, gyros, and Buckeye football, but not necessarily in that order.

I paid for my tattoos. Go Bucks!

Hello.

michigan sucks

There was something else I was going to say, but I'm in a work meeting right now and can't seem to remember what it was.

You kids stay off my lawn!!!!

I pee sitting or standing, but mostly sitting these days. It used to be "standing only," the way "real men" used to do, until I realized the benefits of sitting, like not waking the puppie at first, then not having to clean the splattered mess around the bathroom toilet. There was a time, about 15 years ago, when I shared this information with NO ONE but my significant other, and it took awhile before I had the nerve to share it with her.

LOUD NOISES

a pic of sarah would be nice. Just kidding. I am happily married but even a prisoner gets to look at the window once and while.

Jason and Chris are (expletive).  Ed.: Yes. We know.

Oh, and I like pie.

since I can tell you anything I want, I love cheese, will always select Young MC's "Bust a Move" as my go to karaoke tune, and as much as I hate to admit it I have a liking for "It's Raining Men" that to this day I really don't fully understand.

KNIBB HIGH FOOTBALL RULES

I love Butterfingers, crispity, crunchety, peanut buttery, Butterfingers.

Indictment of Clarett was an inside job.

I hate all things related to Ohio State University, especially its fans.

Billy Ocean is the most underrated singer of our time. <------------ Ed.: We agree, and that is the most underrated video in music video history

I come to you guys everyday for my Buckeye news and follow most of you [expletives] on twitter.

Thank you for making Buckeye Nation seem somewhat less ignorant.

I do like Bell's beers.

I want my face in place of Coach Fickell's up at the top of your page for a week.  Ed.: Everything is negotiable.

I love lamp.

Mark May is a major dick in addition to the arguably more offensive flaw of being a criminally stupid human being

This site + reddit = zero productivity at work

Are Michigan fans welcome here? Ed.: Yes.  Everyone is welcome at 11W.  Please note - there are other sites that already do the "unwelcome" thing.  Very, very well.


In all seriousness, thanks to all of you - our bosses - for giving us our performance review.  As our audience has dramatically ballooned over the past year and change, we're more focused than ever on making sure we get this whole "your favorite Buckeye blog" thing right. 

We're committed to delivering you the finest free Ohio State content and in all of this crazy series of tubes.  Don't let up on us, and we won't stop trying.

44 Comments

Comments

The Six Fingered Buckeye's picture

Ok, if "randomly selected" doesn't mean "The Six Fingered Buckeye gets a Skully Shirt because his answers were featured in all three sections," then I'm decommitting and going to MGoBlog.

Please, be honest. This is for science.

Ramzy Nasrallah's picture

/Kalis'd

(pretty sure Jason created a sophisticated algorithm that makes Google's look pythagorian by comparison - you're at the mercy of mathematical randomization that none of us can fully grasp)

The Six Fingered Buckeye's picture

I'm pretty sure that Jason's "algorithm" involves him getting drunk and throwing lawn darts towards caricatures of our login names at high velocity while whistling Carmen, Ohio. Pantsless.

Please, be honest. This is for science.

BuckeyeSki's picture

Pantsless?

Banned from BlackShoeDiaries since 2008. Crime: Slander/Defamation of Character Judgement: Guilty

BuckeyeSki's picture

/Kyle Kalis'd  Damn you Ramzy and your quick wit

Banned from BlackShoeDiaries since 2008. Crime: Slander/Defamation of Character Judgement: Guilty

The Six Fingered Buckeye's picture

I mean, no pressure, but Jason should know that the photographs of him and Bucky in compromising positions have been retained by me. Also, one should know that a gesture of good faith to me usually leads me to spend inordinant amounts of money on other swag. But again, no pressure. But if I don't get one and I find out that MMan got one, we'll fight. But seriously, no pressure.

Please, be honest. This is for science.

SouthBayBuckeye's picture

KNIBB HIGH FOOTBALL RULES!

Banned from ATO since June 3rd 2PMish PST

BuckeyeSki's picture

If your only gonna make one category, make it count

Banned from BlackShoeDiaries since 2008. Crime: Slander/Defamation of Character Judgement: Guilty

builderofcoalitions's picture

Wow. I think I made two categories. (I was the one in a meeting and I think that I mentioned pedophilia in regards to recruiting.) Should have gone with nudity in the first category in order to make all three.

Because we couldn't go for three.

thorvath22's picture

I wish I could say to people...."oh Eleven Warriors dot com? The best Ohio State Buckeye sports blog on the interwebs? ....I got an 'app' for that"

Sarah's picture

I think typing "boobs" is nothing but a Pavlovian response for some guys, because in today's Skully, I linked to pictures of a scantily-clad Mila Kunis for the dudes and lesbians, and I didn't even get thanked.

Also, I could look like Brady Hoke in a wig. You don't know.

NC_Buckeye's picture

Mea Culpa, Girl-Friday. I checked out the GQ link and immediately decided to see her movie  this weekend. Been crushing on Kunis since "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". Favorite line - while trying to get Jason Segel's character to jump off the cliff, she taunts him with "I can see your hoo-haw."

Thank you, Sarah.

cronimi's picture

Pics or GTFO.¹

 

 

¹  ;)

Sarah's picture

I have brown hair, and I'm probably the same height as Denard Robinson (re: in the 5'3"-5'4" range). That's all you're getting, pervs!

reddevilea's picture

"There's nothing that cleanses the soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."

SouthBayBuckeye's picture

/innerweb'd

Banned from ATO since June 3rd 2PMish PST

Bruce's picture

Maybe my experience is unique, but I am active duty Air Force (which, believe it or not, does fall under the DoD) and had no problems finding my cure for my tOSU joneses by logging into 11W at work.

 

But then again, we are talking Air Force here ..............

 

Go Bucks

From the 2007 HBO special ---->http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iI7x_DDPcLo

The Vest-er's picture

i was able to get on 11w in afghanistan, but not in CONUS.  And insert your own Air Force joke here. 

Fundamentals are a crutch for the talentless.

Buckeye in Athens's picture

I was at the National Defense University for the summer and couldn't access 11W at work :(

Is it Saturday Yet's picture

Maybe you pick the top 5 most requested things and let us fight vote for the most important to help you prioritize? Like an app already!  I must have been the only heterosexual male who requested less boobs....

Got my season tickets in the mail today and they were kind enough to move me down a section. They have "classic" looking images on them and are nice on the eyes.

Anyone going to the Irish Festival tonight?  Young Dubliners are playing and I've started drinking already.  I'll be wearing my Brutus O'Buckeye shirt.  

Chris Lauderback's picture

Not going tonight but maybe tomorrow. Tonight will be the Spikedrivers at Rumba Cafe instead. Crazy I've lived in Columbus my whole life but never been to Irish Fest.

 

BuckeyeSki's picture

Do us all a favor and pull the bass players ginger beard, just once

Banned from BlackShoeDiaries since 2008. Crime: Slander/Defamation of Character Judgement: Guilty

Is it Saturday Yet's picture

I would recommend it.  Sunday is always my favorite day to go.  You can get in free when you go to Mass which (if you want) can be heard in Gaelic.  As soon as Mass is finished you can get a cold alcoholic beverage and enjoy the festivities.  Lovely.  The Young Dubliners are playing later tomorrow night, I think it's 10:00.

elaydin's picture

Heck, mgoblog even has an ipad app!  Slackers *grin*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-51tCt4INdg

Jdadams01's picture

I would love to see M1EK or M-Man's responses

Kalamazoo Steve's picture

Outside of finding the fastest dry cleaner or nearest pants store, I don't give a JoePa about what M1EK has to say.

yrro's picture

The only request I have is a "Fick U" t-shirt.

toledobuckeyefanjim's picture

More crapping on Ohio kids who reject tOSU for that pothead school up north of the border. Sorry about that, you kids who want to go to Michigan when you're offered by Ohio State or commit to OSU and spurn us for becoming a Weasel. You deserve and earn a punch in the gut in the middle of a big pileup on the line of scrimmage.

SouthBayBuckeye's picture

you know what o'doyle? i got a feeling that your whole family is going down. but not now, i gotta study.

Banned from ATO since June 3rd 2PMish PST

buckeyedude's picture

Perverts, boobs, beer and college football go together like, well....., perverts, boobs, beer and college football!  And as a former brewmaster(with 5 gal. buckets in my garage), I would like more beer talk. 

Is there an age limit(minimum or maximum) on this website(my favorite, btw)?  Sometimes my eyes gloss over. Especially when people start talking Ohio State football and Harry Potter in the same sentence. 

 
 

Is it Saturday Yet's picture

I too, enjoy beer talk. Second'd. (I like to drink it more than talk about it)

Lucys Daddy is a Buckeye's picture

I made no categories...I think I should win free swag for just being an uninteresting commenter.

...And when we win the game, We'll buy a keg of booze....And we'll drink to old Ohio til we wobble in our shoes...

Denny's picture

Bring more ruckus, y'all.

Taquitos.

Tony's picture

I made it on the list! Drunk Friday!

reddevilea's picture

woops

"There's nothing that cleanses the soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."

741's picture

Billy Ocean and 50 Cent separated at birth?

Bucknut-in-the-South's picture

Can we have a map of the US with a large blank space where Mittenland used to be, with the words "here be skunkbears" emblazoned thereon?  At least you might then get some extra hits from members of the flat earth society and all those former Mittenland cheerleaders who actually do look like Brady Hoke in a wig. 

Northbrook's picture

I'm serious about the lawn. You kids stay off.

The_Lurker's picture

I hope Tressel isn't rigging this Dry Goods raffle...unless he picks me, of course. I chuckled at many of those responses, even my own, which I had completely forgotten about.