10 Reasons to Hate Tulane

By Jake Anderson on September 21, 2018 at 7:25 pm
Tulane looks to throw the ball against Wake Forest
Stephen Lew-USA TODAY Sports

Tulane is coming to the Shoe as +37 point underdogs to a Buckeye team that is getting Urban Meyer back on the sidelines. Watch out folks, this could get ugly.

10. The Green Wave’s Uniforms Lack Green

Before the season, Tulane revealed their new uniforms.

While the uniforms will give some fans fits, I like them a lot. Except for one minor detail: where is the green?

Ohio State consistently dons its traditional scarlet-and-gray. Oregon wears ugly shades of green and yellow. Clemson wears orange. Why doesn’t Tulane wear green? It is in their name and only makes sense. Moreover, why would the school select blue?

There are too many questions and not enough answers for the Green Wave’s uniforms, so let’s just hate them.

9. Matt Forte

Matt Forte, who played football at Tulane University, was a great running back for the Chicago Bears for years in the NFL. He was the best player on a bad Bears team from the time he was drafted until 2015, when he signed with the Jets. Forte retired earlier this year.

I wish Matt Forte the best of luck in his retirement. But let’s talk about his music video.

The message of his song is to give back to his community, which is noble and deserves respect.

The song, however, is hilariously bad. The song makes me never want to hear the phrase “In my Nikes” ever again. The “Yup!” ad-libs to start the song are just cringeworthy.

It is a good thing that Matt Forte was a fantastic football player because I am not sure the music industry has a place for him.

8. They are Not the Best Team in Their State

For the sake of originality, I almost left this reason off. But then I remembered that Joe Burrow plays for a team in Louisiana.

Listen Tulane, it’s not your fault that you have the second greatest “backup” quarterback in Ohio State history playing in the same state as you. It’s simply unfortunate for the Green Wave that Jeaux Burreaux is now the leader of the Bayou Bengals.

And now that Burreaux has his Tigers at No. 6, all Tulane can do is sit back and watch the greatness happening to the north of them.

7. Tulane’s Last Two AP All-Americans were Kickers

If there is one thing Tulane University is good at, it’s binge drinking seven days a week. But, if there’s one thing Tulane’s football program is good at, it’s kicking the ball.

Seth Marler was an All-American in 2001 and Cairos Santos followed him in 2012. They are the Green Wave’s only AP All Americans since 1987, and they played the same position. 

With no disrespect to kicking, that stat is not a bright-spot of Tulane's program. The difference in ability between Tulane's kicker and Ohio State's kicker will probably not decide the result on Saturday. 

6. Tulane is the Only Non-Power Five team Ohio State Plays this Season

Ohio State plays the most Power Five teams of any school in the nation this year. The Buckeyes could have an unmatched schedule if it wasn’t for one team in the American Athletic Conference.

To be fair, Tulane is coming into Columbus as +37 underdogs, which are better numbers than both Oregon State and Rutgers.

Despite that, playing 12 Power Five teams in a single season is unheard of in today’s climate; a number of elite Power Five teams fail to hit double digits in this regard. Tulane ruined Ohio State's chance

5. Ohio State is paying Tulane $1.5 Million

The “pay-to-play” is one of my least favorite things in sports.

I understand that these “guarantee games” are to give the team a break from the brutal conference play typically seen in the Power Five. Also, the games can give underclassmen some much-needed experience.

But, why do schools pay smaller schools for this? The games (for the most part) take place at the paying school’s field. There is always a risk of an upset (Troy vs. LSU, Appalachian State vs. Michigan, etc) or injury. Not to mention that the game is a lot less fun to watch.

Using Ohio State’s money to pay for schools like Tulane and Buffalo to come to Columbus is a waste of resources.

4. Green Wave

We might as well make this one a weekly tradition.

First of all, what exactly is a Green Wave? I once heard that Greenville High School’s Green Wave was named for the cornfields surrounding the area. A google search tells me that a green wave is a surfing term. Tulane’s mascot, Riptide the Pelican, suggests the latter may be the reason.

A team name is supposed to be easily recognized and makes sense in some way, shape, or form. The Tulane Green Waves do not accomplish this goal. 

3. Tulane Once Abolished Their Basketball Program

Tulane’s men's basketball team was once wrapped in so much controversy, they disbanded the program as a whole.

In 1985, eight people, including three players, were indicted in one of the largest sports scandals to date. Three players were accused of point-shaving for gamblers while coaches were accused of paying some players. In addition to the gambling and paying student-athletes, one Tulane student was arrested was distributing cocaine around the team.

Tulane eventually disbanded the program because of the violations, only to revive it in 1988.

2. Jerry Springer

After graduating Tulane in 1965, Jerry Springer became the mayor of Cincinnati in 1971. After two terms, he stayed in the city as a journalist and news anchor. But the hate for Springer does not start until 1991, when he started The Jerry Springer Show.

The Jerry Springer Show is one of the worst shows on television. The show takes… interesting relationship and personal problems and puts them on full display for the nation to see. The show is a daily tabloid that is hard to watch.

Springer has not shied away from both violent and controversial topics on his show, which may have ultimately led to the show’s cancellation.

1. Turnover Beads

I’ll admit it, I loved Miami’s turnover chain last season. It epitomized Miami football and made their comeback season a lot of fun to watch.

I hate all of its duplicates and imitations.

Florida State’s backpack? Awful. Memphis’s turnover robe? Disgusting. Boise State’s turnover throne? Pretty sweet, but still a duplicate. Tulane’s turnover beads, despite their infusion of Mardi Gras culture, are simply more of the same.

Miami reportedly spent around $100,000 on its turnover chain. Tulane’s necklace looks like they went to Walmart with a budget of less than $10. Maybe they do need that $1.5 million from Ohio State after all.  

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