If you're looking for jet fuel to throw on the fire that is Indiana University, well look no further. To celebrate tomorrow night's game in Bloomington, we're sharing 10 reasons you should hate Indiana.
10. Hoosiers (1986)
Well aware these are different Hoosiers, but they are still Hoosiers according to Hoosiers. So we can still hate them.
Hoosiers the movie is a terrible piece of propaganda that tries to bring allure to the supposed mystique of Indiana high school basketball. In reality, all it does is personify a whiny coach fired for punching one of his players, and tells the tale that one player — Jimmy Chitwood in this case — can do every single thing for a team to be successful.
So basically, Hoosiers and Jimmy Chitwood equal Steph Curry and chucking up 35-footers while doing jazz hands in celebration. Yeah, I hate it.
9. Mark cuban
For the record, Indiana University is an acceptable public institution for learning and has many notable alumni. There's only a few of them that deserve my hatred. One of them is Mark Cuban. You should hate him too.
The polarizing Dallas Mavericks owner is a graduate of IU's Kelley School of Business, and gained his multi-billion dollar net worth through a notably prolific investment run. That doesn't make up for the childish antics and dad-bod cheerleading court-side while his teams trudge their way to first round exits out of the Western Conference Playoffs (2010-11 was a fluke).
And honestly, I didn't know Cuban was an alumnus of IU until researching for this, so it's going to feel even better when J.T. Barrett accounts for five total touchdowns Thursday night.
8. The Hoosiers axed Lee Corso
Sure, Indiana football lore isn't filled with the highest accolades and the greatest achievements. The last Hoosier bowl win came in the ever-prestigious 1991 Copper Bowl against Baylor. Further, Indiana has the most losses in major Div. I college football history with 665.
I'm more spewing hatred about Indiana because they fired our lord and savior Lee Corso after the 1982 season.
Sure Corso only went 41-68-2 in his tenure in Bloomington (1973-1982) and Corso had a career winning percentage of .462 as a college head coach, but Corso legitimately called a timeout in 1976 against Ohio State to take a picture with his team, ahead of the Buckeyes for the first time in 25 years. That takes guts.
But seriously, what kind of institution fires Lee Corso?
7. Clerical Errors
Listen, I'm sure everybody involved in the situation feels terrible, but hate can definitely be churned in knowing one of Indiana's top signees for the class of 2017 won't see the field because of a clerical miscue.
Bryant Fitzgerald, a three-star athlete coming into Indiana this summer, was supposedly going to make an immediate impact for the Hoosiers come this fall. He won't suit up because of miscalculations by the people who are paid thousands of dollars to not make said miscalculations.
How do we equate giving a student a free education and neglecting to provide them compensation for their likeness, when compliance offices that are supposed to help ensure incoming athletes are eligible to play don't do their jobs?
6. Thursday Night Football Games
I don't think anyone thought prior to its announcing that the opening game for the 2017 season would be held on a Thursday night in Bloomington. Weeknight games are historically reserved for the non-power conferences or for a late night game in the PAC-12 and not the esteemed Big Ten.
Don't get me wrong, I love me some #MACtion on a Tuesday night, but I'm not prepared to be mentally invested in a conference road game on a weeknight in August. It's not good for stress levels and my inner chi and I think Urban would back me up on that one.
And certainly somewhat justifiable, Indiana is presumably going to make some serious coin off of this game tomorrow night, just hate them because it's coming at the expense of playing a major college football game on a non-major weeknight.
5. Fred glass
I'm sure he means well, but Indiana athletic director Fred Glass is another reason to hate the Hoosiers. Recently, based on "projected ticket sales," Glass stated that the home field advantage for tomorrow night's game favors the Indiana faithful.
Fred Glass says based on zip codes of sales to date, he's confident it will primarily be an Indiana crowd for the OSU opener.— Mike Pegram (@peegs) August 21, 2017
If the Ohio State football program ever gets to this alternate universe where Gene Smith has to address that Ohio Stadium will be filled with primarily Buckeye fans, World War III will have happened and President Charles Barkley will be in his second term of enacting monumental social change.
Just for Glass' reference, here's a look at this road crowd from the Cal-Berkeley game of 2013 bringing the "O-H-I-O" chant around California Memorial Stadium. Hate Indiana for doubting you, Buckeye Nation.
4. THOSE GARBAGE PANTS
This doesn't relate to the football team itself but to the forefront of Indiana athletics -- Indiana basketball. And more specifically, the tragic tearaway pants that every Indiana basketball team has worn since the 1971-72 season under OSU alum Bob Knight.
Now, I'd take the point of wearing the pants more rationally if not for the explanation that Knight gave for starting the now 46-year tradition.
"I just liked them." Knight told Bob Hammel, co-author of the pair's 2013 book, "The Power of Negative Thinking."
I don't know, to me tradition has sustenance to it. Something signifying why a tradition is there in the first place. If there's anything less symbolic to a legendary tradition than the simple fondness of an embattled former head coach, send them to my inbox.
Hate Indiana for the tearaway pants.
3. MIKE HART
A very short and simple reason to hate the Hoosiers is former Michigan running back Mike Hart, now their running backs coach and back in the Big Ten for the first time in ten seasons. He couldn't duck under Ohio State forever.
Generously listed at 5'9", Hart has enough to make Buckeye fans hate Indiana even more, though certainly not enough to get the Wolverines even one win against the Buckeyes during his career.
His 3.8 yards per carry over four games versus OSU didn't and still won't do the job Indiana needs done against the silver bullets on Thursday.
Hoosier daddy, Mike?
2. BOO HOO HOOSIERS
Hate the Hoosiers for the unsubstantiated hate they give Purdue fans. Time Magazine just came out and blew coal right in their Hoosier faces, ranking Purdue University the best college in the state of Indiana. Not Indiana University, institution named after said state. Purdue.
And yeah, IU probably has superior sports programs and been better in that regard historically, but it certainly isn't enough to warrant picking apart the coolest part of the Purdue mantra, "Boiler Up." I for one will not stand for the slander these heathens speak upon Purdue Pete and the Boilermakers.
There's one thing that Purdue and Ohio have in common that IU can't touch. Our late boy Neil Alden Armstrong, born in Wapakoneta, Ohio and 1955 graduate of Purdue University with a degree in aeronautical engineering, was the first guy to set his feet on this big round thing in the night sky called the moon. You might have heard of it hoosiers.
1. Buddy, what even are you?
Finally, what I've been waiting for. Yes I know a "hoosier" by definition is an inhabitant of the state of Indiana. What I hate more about this is the fact that the Indiana doesn't actually have a mascot to show for their namesake.
And yeah,sure, they're native Indianans, and they themselves symbolize the state and the university and therefore theoretically there's no need for a mascot. But I'll tell you what, if I'm in a bare-knuckle brawl on High St. and I need someone to my right when I'm coming out swinging, boy I'd feel better with Brutus Buckeye by my side as opposed to symbolism.
My point can be further evidenced by Ohio State's 72-12 all-time record against the Hoosiers in football. So yeah, to sum, symbolic native sons are about to get ethered by the Buckeyes tomorrow night.