Like most of my fellow Warriors, I sat with mouth agape as I witnessed the Bauserfest that was Ohio State's pathetic offensive performance against basketball-school Indiana. As the game went on, I began to ask myself questions: Self, I asked, why isn't Devin Brown playing "meaningful minutes"? Why isn't MH being targeted? Where is the vaunted Ohio State passing attack I have become so accustomed to watching on Fall Saturdays? Why can't Ohio State run the ball in short yardage situations? Why isn't the defense getting sacks? Why can't the Buckeyes ever beat That Team Up North? As usual, my self had no answers to my self's questions, so instead I just raged. Raged at the TV set, raged at Ryan Day, raged at my wife, my kids, my pets. It was not a good scene.
After the game, as I rage-scrolled through the forums over the mockingly long holiday weekend, I saw my self's questions being asked again and again. And I raged on as I found the commonly offered solutions wholly unsatisfying. Fire Ryan Day? As emotionally appealing as that is, it really doesn't help us for this season. Bench Kyle McCord and start Devin Brown? Maybe, but that that doesn't really address the old adage that "if you have two starting QBs, you don't have any"? And how is that fair to McCord, whose only crime was to underperform under the divided tutelage of that over-entitled prevaricator, Ryan Day. I think one game has proven that Day, who was born with a silver quarterback in his mouth, cannot be trusted to oversee a fair competition between pedestrian QBs, let alone be forthcoming in how that competition is playing and will play out.
No, I don't think any of those are the answer to the Buckeyes' malaise. But as my rage turned to the inevitable depression and self-loathing, the answer came to me, as if from above. Or perhaps, to be directionally correct, the answer from beside. You see, the solution is not a new one, but an old one. Perhaps a new twist on an old idea, but an old idea nonetheless (and the twist is surely appropriate for Ryan Day, who gets his shorts in a twist at the first sign of adversity). Yes, Dubsters, the answer is as plain as the hole in your depth chart. The answer is.....Messenger Quarterbacks.
Messenger QBs ensures that both of the losers in the quarterback competition (because by now it is abundantly clear that there were no winners) get an equal and fair shake at trying to win the job outright. Messenger QB's forces Lyin' Day's hand in ensuring that Devin Brown gets his shot (because who really can show what they can do when the bullets aren't flying for real...I mean, we're talking about practice....practice, man!). Messenger QBs makes sure that the QB of the play knows for sure what to do, eliminating those infuriating timeouts when the QB can't get the team lined up for the snap. Messenger QB's can only result in more offensive production (because could we really have less offensive production than 23 points against Indiana--Indiana!!). More offensive production means that we don't have to be so conservative on short yardage and run the ball when everyone knows it's coming. More offensive production means that the defense can sell out, rather than having to worry about keeping the Hoosiers out of the endzone. That means more sacks! Who cares if they score more points because our secondary blows a coverage or a safety falls down. I mean, how often does that really happen? Plus, we'll be scoring way more points, and I think we can all agree that 52-49 is way more fun than a boring 23-3 (as long as we win). And as a final benefit, Messenger QBs makes it impossible to steal our signals, virtually assuring that we will reclaim our lost dominance against Those Cheaters Up North.
I mean, if messengering in plays worked for Paul Brown and for Woody, surely it can help Coach Day get our Buckeyes home from third. How much better if he does it with his QBs.
The Message has been sent. Ryan Day, are you listening?
