Things are looking up for the Buckeyes now that they've soundly beaten the Spartans in East Lansing. Historically, big wins over the Spartans have always been good omens for Ohio State, so let's hope this is just a taste of what's to come and not a false positive as Michigan looms in the near future. 

Day the Tenth of the Eleventh Moon, Year Two Thousand Ten and Eight

Dreadful and manifold were the tales of the Weather Wizard Dantonius and his frigid tower in the barren wastes of Michiganus. Bitter were the memories of the days of yore when brave men of Ohio were destroyed by his deathly winter storms, great and noble lords such as Ezekiel of Elliotshire and Sir Joseph of Barrett. 

Having withstood a horrible succession of deadly blizzards, the armies of Columbus, led by Lord Urban of Meyer, did march out from their frozen gates to quell the source of the interminable and unseasonable storms. They did not have a hard task of discerning that source, for it was plain to all that it could be none other than the Weather Wizard Dantonius. 

Warily--for they marched through goblin territory--the armies of Columbus did creep upon the dour foothills upon which Dantonius's frosted spire crested arrogantly. Though Lord Urban of Meyer had hoped for a swift and decisive assault, catching the wizard unawares, it was soon evident that the wizard had foreseen their coming, for soon the men of Columbus were much afeared by the apparition of an enormous horde of feral Ice Men, hungry for the flesh of civilized folk. These beastial half-men melted from the ice and snow, utterly surrounding the host of Ohio, cutting off not only their path to the tower, but also any route of escape. 

Sounding the battle horn, Lord Urban drew steel and commanded a fighting retreat, that they might regroup in a more defensible and less exposed position. And so it was in these early stirrings that neither side could gain an advantage. Many fell, but the lines on both sides held firm. Lord Urban knew that such a pitched battle could only favor the wizard and his minions, for as the day grew colder the Ice Men's power would wax. Desperate to break the stalemate, Lord Urban prepared an ad hoc stratagem as daring as any: whilst the men of Columbus occupied their beastial foes, a small party of Lord Urban's finest knights would steal away and gain on the tower so as to capture the wizard. 

The chosen knights were Sir Haskins, Sir Martell the Seldom Used, Sir Weber, Sir Brendon of the Oaken Branch, and Sir Jordan of the Questionable-Effectiveness-in-Central-Positions. Covered by their brother knights, these heroes raced to the tower, with Sir Weber smashing its doors to splinters with his great warhammer. Speedily, surely the knights ascended the winding steps up the mysterious tower, certain they would soon have the wizard. 

But it was soon manifest that they had fallen into the wizard's trap. The higher up they climbed, the colder it became, until Sir Martell realized that as they appeared to climb the steps, they were instead climbing down, deeper into the wizard's dungeon. At the bottom of the steps they found themselves at the entrance to a foreboding labyrinth, and in its circuitous passages they found any number of menaces: large spiders, hellhounds, and most harrowing of all: a room with a moose. A very large moose. 

But they would not be denied their prize, and under the leadership of Sirs Haskins and Martell they fought until they reached the labyrinth's heart, where the focusing crystal, source of Dantonius's power, lay. 

With a mighty heave of his hammer, Sir Weber smashed the crystal. 

But the wizard had another trick up his sleeve. Even as the men of Ohio destroyed his army of Ice Men, and even as the very source of his power was broken, Dantonius had magic enough for a spell of translocation. Of all the knights who broke into the wizard's chamber, Sir Jordan was closest to seizing him, but the normally stout and capable knight oafishly missed, and the wizard escaped, but not without one final taunt: 

"You may have bested me, but a greater evil lurks." 

Soon, the wizard's words would be well understood by all. In the aftermath of the great victory over Dantonius and his Ice Men, the men of Columbus were much disturbed to find that before they ever came to the frigid tower, another army had passed through. Buried under drifts of snow they found older Ice Men corpses, the wounds in their bodies similar to those caused by the wicked serrated blades favored by the goblins of Michiganus. 

"We have defeated a much depleted foe today," Lord Urban said darkly, shaking his head as his generals uncovered still more corpses.

Not just Ice Men did they find, but also a great many Ice Women and Ice Children. For such was the unmatched savagery of the goblins and their cruel king, Harbauggio. 

Soon, Lord Urban knew, a great reckoning would come.