Updates at bottom.
I actually wrote the first part of this thread topic in a different thread about treating recruits with respect. After LCT asked for an update, I thought it might be fun to write a topic and update it like a journal about my Christmas’s weekend with the inlaws, and how it started off with. Bang. I am typing on my phone so cut me some slack. Here we go.
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Friday the 22nd: the departure and journey.
I got home from work at about 5:45 pm yesterday, Friday the 22nd. My wife was already packing the car when I came home to our lovely home in Southern NC. When I got home, I was in the mood to pack quick and get on the road because we had a ten hour drive to PA. But this time, instead of bringing one dog to the inlaws for Christmas, we are being two: are newest addition which is a 13 week old German Shepherd puppy.
So I start packing the car quickly and efficiently, like most men on a mission and timeline. Christmas presents stacked in the back, dog crate right behind the passenger seat in the suv for the puppy, dog bed for our eldest fur baby, etc. as I am packing the car, I am going a bit to quick as the presents snag on the dog crate, and I opened up a few. Oh well more work when I get to PA.
after a half hour of packing we hit the road. Three minutes in the puppy starts whining and barking. All through NC for theee hours. I am white knuckle driving about to reach my hand back and smack anything I can. I didn’t care, I was looking for fur to smack, but I held it together. She quieted down. Uneventful drive, ten hours with stops so the dogs can pee and poop. Has some redneck driving around a sheets i. WV with his windows down singing Afromans ‘BecaUse I got high’. But at 5 AM, we finally made it...
Saturday the 23rd: The Grand Entrance.
we get to my inlaws. We bring the two dogs in, and my eldest is super excited, while the puppy is mellow after going to the bathroom outside. The wife is inside with the dogs and inlaws while I unload the car with what seemed like 20 trips of kids toys. When I finish, I finally get to use the restroom. Then the fun started.
as I was peeing, I hear a “NO NOT MY RUG”. *pause* “I just *gag reflex*. I just cleaned that ru*gag reflex*. I just cleaned that rug!”. I am sitting there with the longest pee that smells like Smacks cereal because of the espresso mixed with Dr Pepper and I can only imagine what just happened. Turns out my dog made a grand entrance by shitting all over a rug right when we get there. When I get out of the bathroom I am handed a bag of poop with inlaws gagging in the background, my eldest dog smiling, and the puppy not knowing what is going on. After we cleaned everything up, I crashed hard for a few hours. I am just waking up now, with the puppy in a crate to my left and the pooper beside me spread eagle like nothing happened. Wife is out with the Mother In Law and family are baking cookies down stairs.
We were not even here for more than thirty minutes before that grand entrance. And I can only imagine this trip gets better.
I will try to update twice a day. This was the first update. I have a feeling more shenanigans are in store. Hope everyone has a merry Christmas and a happy holidays, I also hope your weekend started off better than your dog crapping on a rug while smiling and saying hello to the inlaws.
updates to come. Stay tuned
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UPDATE: 12:20 pm Saturday the 23rd.
i wake up from my nap after driving all night. Kind of out of it. I am stumbling around upstairs but I need to go to the bathroom. Wife is still out with the Inlaws and I need to feed the dogs. I put some food in their bowls, then leave the room as they are preoccupied by the food. I use the bathroom upstairs and then heard my puppy bark. I did not flush because I was going to run back after I make sure the dog still had food. I then forgot to go back and flush the toilet. Because I was still pretty out of it. I send a text to my wife saying the usual husband stuff. Her response:
“Make sure you don’t use the upstairs bathroom. It is broken.”
well son of a bitch. Nothing I can do about this one. Stay tuned for more action.
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UPDATE: End of Day, Saturday, December 23rd
So after the toilet debacle, I took another nap. Dogs right next to me. A few hours later, I wake up, wife comes home, and down stairs there are my four nieces and nephews, ranging in age from 1 to 5. AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM IS COUGHING. the sound of phlegm being broken up in the throat and basically being used as a projectile because none of them make a conscious effort to cover their mouths. Trying to watch TV and all I hear is four little kids coughing. coughing. coughing. COUGHING! COUGHING! COUGHING! COUGHING! I can't take this sh**. Add that with the damn puppy barking her head off because the kids are sticking their hands into the crate on the sides.
Call me an a-hole, but I warned them once, I warned them twice, after the third time, I had a sadistic smile on my face, hoping the puppy would make me proud, and nibble their little fingers, so I can just respond with 'I told you so'. Instead of that satisfaction, I just get to listen to coughing. more and more coughing.
Now I am getting a runny nose, and starting to sneeze... I am so pissed... These little contagious cherubs are destroying me.
Updates on my debacle in the shower shortly...
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UPDATE: End of Day, Saturday, Dec 23rd
Nothing too much here. Puppy peed the crate, had to clean it at 2:00. Beautiful. Took it outside at 2:30 AM. That was fun. Whatever.
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UPDATE: Sunday Morning, December 24th
So here is the update where the father-in-law and I fix the toilet. I will try to just give a quick recap. We shut the water valve off, and had to remove a few connecting hoses from the valve to the porcelain back. These nuts are so damn old, that getting then back on is a major chore. The nut keeps going on crooked, water is leaking from the back of the toilet, I am laying on my side in leaking toilet water, head right by the rim, which I accidently used the day before, not knowing it was broken. Just laying in water that is leaking from the back of the toilet, which is better than the bowl water leaking. After about a half hour of having my face near the toilet bowl that I had previously used, I decided it was a good time to take a shower...
So I get downstairs, turn the water on in the shower, and I go to open the sliding doors, and I used a bit too much force, and the doors came off the tracks. They are perfectly aligned, so it just looks like one door sliding on the tracks. By this time, I am as naked as the day I was born. I have both my hands on the sliding doors so that none of them fall, the water is running and I am bent over, positioned so my backside is preventing the water from squirting outside. Just as this is happening, I hear the door knod turn and realize "SHIT, I forget to lock the door". My nephew of three years starts walking in and I just yell "OUT!". Turns right around and closes the door.
I finally fixed the sliding doors on the shower, walked to the bathroom door, locked it, and proceed to shower. So far, this has really been a laughable trip. I will be indulging in alcohol here shortly. in about a half hour - 5:30 - we will have more family over for Christmas games and dinner. Should be even better. I will try to make my last update tonight. I may be slightly intoxicated.
Merry Christmas everyone!
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Update: Christmas Eve - Nighttime Presents
This was a good time. We had a giant ball made of saran wrap, and there are little presents hidden inside, and you have to unravel the ball to get the presents. But you can only unravel for however long it takes the next person to roll doubles on a pair of dice. It started out fun, but then got old because a sister-in-law wanted to keep the game going for as long as possible. Ended up playing that for almost 3 hours. The kids were excluded because it was a grown-up game, so they are trying to get in the middle of the circle, crying, stopping their feet, holding their breath, stealing the dice. These were not my kids, but I would have punished them probably 50 times that night. Instead, they got the 'oh its ok, they do not understand' treatment. Bullshit.
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Update: Christmas Day
So this is the day my wife and I need to drive home from PA to NC. I had to work on Tuesday, so we had to drive back Monday. In the morning, we wake up, wait for the children to wake up. They come down stairs and get all excited from the large stack of presents under the tree. The first thing the 5 year old says "Which one is my helicopter?" I see the parents look at each like 'Oops', and I just knew that a major meltdown was on the horizon... And boy was I right.
Present after present pass. And the kid gets more and more upset. Now, he is not even taking the 'soft' presents we hand him. He is jumping at the tree for the hard boxes because he knows it has to be in a hard box. Box after box, he gets more disappointed. Sister-in-law hands him a soft present, he wants no part, and says 'No, I am mad at you. I don't like you anymore', and again, treated with the 'oh he doesn't know any better' treatment. Did that about 10 times. Then they forced open the presents because the kid was not having it. I would have taken the presents and put them in the garage and said 'No Christmas!'
So Christmas morning was filled with young children crying that they did not get the presents they wanted. Crying for a helicopter. They got everything else, but just no helicopter. Oh boy, was he upset. Merry Christmas.
The boyfriend had the flu the day before. Keep reading for next update.
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Update: Drive Home and Tuesday - Final Update
So we leave around Noon on Monday. We will not get back to our home until about 10:15 that night. We stop in West Virginia at a sheetz off of Route 19. The middle between 79 and 77, I believe in Fayetteville, WV? I got a Philly Cheesesteak. that was my first mistake. After eating it, within thirty minutes, I felt a couple awkward grumbles in the stomach, then it subsided. Got home at 10:30, took the dogs out one last time, unpacked the car, went straight to bed.
12:35, wake up because my stomach is killing me. Puppy is barking in the crate downstairs, so I walk downstairs and let her out. Then I walk back upstairs, try to go to bed, but at 1:15, I walk over to the toilet and bend over it. within fifteen minutes, I am hosting my own puking rally with philly cheesesteak going all over the place. Puked about 5 times in 3 minutes. My wife slept through the whole thing. When I finished she asked "Are you puking", and I just responded 'WATER!'. She barely sleeps through my farts, let alone me yacking up a culinary delight on the eastern seaboard. So after puking, I felt better. So I decided to head to bed.
I wake up at 6:00 to let the dog out and get ready for work. My joints are achey, I am shivering, and I almost collapse outside because I was shivering so bad taking the dogs out. Go back inside, climb into bed, and sit their shivering for another 20 minutes. Text my boss saying I am probably not going to be able to make it. Spend the rest of the day shacked up in bed, headache coming on. Now I got major diarrhea (about 15 times in 1 day), and I cannot keep anything down. (Lucklily my wife had off Tuesday and Wednesday). Getting real dehydrated, and start mixing up dreams and reality.
Went to the shower, sat down in hot water for about 1 hour. Back into bed. Went back to the toilet, shower, bed. Repeated that sequence about 4 times in a row in an hour span. The whole day was wasted in bed. Until about 7:30 when I decided to sit in the bath of hot water and Epsom salt. I was in there for about 30 minutes. Stand up, dry off, get my sweats and hoodie on, and run straight to the toilet. I just made it before I projectile vomited 8 times in 2-3 minutes. Everything I tried to eat or drink over the last day was forced out. Coming out my mouth, nose, hell, even my eyes were watery, wouldn't be surprised if I was puking out my ocular orifices. But after that major puking rally, I felt a hell of a lot better. Went to bed, Worked from home Today (Wednesday), I was able to keep down a jimmie dean sandwich for breakfast, a cup of noodles for lunch, and some soup and chicken for dinner, so I am finally going to be able to get back to work tomorrow.
Bad news is: Wife is starting to feel under the weather... Shit.
Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. Hopefully it was Merrier than mine. And that is my Christmas weekend!!! Good thing Ohio State plays in a couple days.
