Cars Of The Big Ten

By Jason Priestas on August 21, 2007 at 3:00 pm

This is a little old, but newly formed Iowa blog conglomerate The Hawkeye Compulsion have a hilarious post comparing Big Ten football teams with cars. They had us at "INDIANA: Ford Probe that got totaled by someone without insurance", but their top three is comedy gold:

Ford F-250 driven by a total douchebag

Built for one thing, and one thing only: power. They're awfully dangerous when they hit full speed, and they enjoy plowing over defenseless animals (raccoons, Temple Owls). If you see them coming toward you, buckle up; hitting the brakes is for pussies. MICHIGAN
BMW 760Li

While it's been a few years since you could toss around a label like "best in the world," you'd be crazy not to respect the hell out of them. If you want to talk shit, it'd better be about aesthetics; even then, while they're kind of weird-looking, the look is as distinctive as it is classic. All quality-based criticisms can easily be dismissed as unadulterated jealousy--unless they come from... OHIO STATE
Aston Martin that runs on the blood of puppies

Without question, the prettiest car on the lot, and boy are they fast. Pure excellence. Nonetheless, there's still an unmistakable stench of reprehensibility to them, whether it's slaughtering man's best friend or the unchecked use of sweater vests. A bumper sticker that says "Satan is my copilot" would just be restating the obvious. In the name of all that is holy and good, fuck them.

You know you're winning some games when Satan is riding shotgun..