Twitter Reaction: Navy

By Johnny Ginter on August 31, 2014 at 8:30a
27 Comments
Friendship

Can you imagine what watching sporting events was like before Twitter? How did people even live that way? Sitting around on a moldy couch in a dank basement, located in some hellhole in the bowels of flyover country, cracking jokes about "Where's the beef?" with no one around to hear but the occasional mouse or millipede. No .gifs. No Vines. No poorly formatted image macros. No easily amused internet audience to boost your ego and give you an inflated sense of self worth.

Thank god we live in more enlightened times, where our crappy photoshops and pithy jokes about the Simpsons will never go unappreciated ever again (this week I've combined the two into one, so, you know, you're welcome).

I will say this: nothing gets me more excited for football than other people getting excited for football, and in this respect Twitter brings it. Sports, more than anything outside of a debate over proper toilet paper placement, reveals our raging id for all to see, and in our moments of hyperbolic rage or joy we can stumble on some pretty sublime moments of truth.

So that's what I want to bring to you guys this week. Frozen moments in time where at once we were all both a little stupider and little more brilliant. Also Purdue updates.

Yeah it is! I've been sick for a few days, so obviously the logical move to settle my butterflies about this game was to run a couple of miles before it started. Pro tip: don't do this.

The beginning of the game was particularly patriotic, and everything between the two teams was pitch-perfect before the thing actually got going. Lame McHale's Navy jokes aside, these are young men who are literally living their lives for their country, and it's really hard to be cynical about that level of commitment. Unless you're a jerk, I guess. By the way, how's Purdue doing?

THAT'S ADORABLE.

Time for a little hindsight catharsis. I was pretty annoyed for most of the game. Stats aren't super relevant against a triple option team that are pretty much masters of infuriating opponents with whatever voodoo blood magik that they brought forth on this plane of existence through multiple goat sacrifices (hence the mascot), but it still angried up the blood to see tiny little Midshipmen gauging Ohio State on the ground over and over.

For instance, I completely agree with Ramzy here. Paul's Boutique is criminally underrated by non-fans, and should probably be up there with Thriller in terms of classic albums of the 80s. If you haven't listened to it, well, you're dumb, but here's a chance to redeem yourself. Also I'm not sure that Navy's first TD should've counted, but it really doesn't matter because it was part of a 75 yard drive that was methodical in a way that Ohio State wasn't. And it made me mad. Other things made me mad, too.

WELP INDEED! How's Purdue doing?

DAMMIT!

One of the most miserable games that I ever attended in person was the Akron game in 2007. That was the one where it started out incredibly humid and gross, rained, and then got even hotter and humid and gross. Ohio State went into halftime of that one up 3-2, and for a brief moment a soggy Johnny Ginter was angry at Jim Tressel for subjecting me to this skidmark of a football game on the tighty-whiteys that is the sporting world.

I imagine that's how Earle Bruce and Nick Jervey felt going into halftime down 6-7.

Of note is that Goku would never fight Superman, they'd combine their strength to defeat an alliance of Cell, Frieza, and Metallo. And Earle Bruce is 83 and still very spry. Also spry is Darron Lee, and his mom.

GET IT RIGHT, HE JUST PUT US UP 13-7! HOW'S PURDUE DOING??

Confusion

As Purdue goes, so goes Ohio State. The rest of the game seemed like it was played more or less downhill, especially after Barrett's huge bomb to Devin Smith to put Ohio State up for good.

My personal prediction for this game was 28-20, and I feel that though the game was frustrating at times, it's important to keep in mind that Navy was never going to be a pushover, and that Ohio State was breaking in an enormous amount of players with little to no college football experience. I would've liked to see the defense look better than they did, at least in terms of yards allowed, but it was naive at best to believe that Chris Ash is a literal magician that can transform bad personnel into really good personnel without better personnel behind them.

And beyond football, there are more important things to consider.

Wait, how did that Purdue game turn out?

Oh, thank you sweet Jesus.

Le fin

Ultimately Ohio State played a mediocre game against a decent team, but given that said decent team has an offense based on witchcraft and sorcery, and throw in the fact that the Buckeyes are a particularly young team (in seemingly every position group where youth and inexperience is deadly to a team), I'll take the result.

The more athletic team won, our pet's heads will stay firmly attached to their bodies, J.T. Barrett can continue to improve without dumbass quarterback controversy whispers, and Navy can get back to protecting our season from pirates and that one submarine that you can't hear unless Russians are singing in it.

THINGS WE LEARNED

  • The triple option is the worst
  • Darron Lee's mom watched a lot of Bewitched as a kid
  • J.T. Barrett is going to be just fine
  • Earle Bruce can't stop, won't stop
  • RIDDLE ME THIS MY BROTHA CAN YOU HANDLE IT/ YOUR STYLE TO MY STYLE YOU CAN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO IT
27 Comments

Comments

GoBucks10's picture

Life without .gifs just isn't worth living, is it?

"Because I couldn't go for three."  - Woody Hayes

+8 HS
Hovenaut's picture

Awesome rundown. Awesome.

Wish I could Twit...I'm just not that smahrt.

Two things I noticed:

Poor Kyle.
If Paul's Boutique can be played, "Egg Man" has to be the song of choice when M...igan comes to Columbus.

Hate Week runneth over

+3 HS
gumtape's picture

What kyle didn't mention: was he the one cheering?

just another psycho, irrational, delusional Ohio St fan

+2 HS
IGotAWoody's picture

I think Hey Ladies would work for Meatchicken, too.

 - License to kill gophers (wolverines, badgers, etc) by the government of the United Nations

+2 HS
Estrada's picture

I think "Looking Down the Barrel" would perhaps be the more appropriate choice for that school up north...

+2 HS
Abe Froman's picture

As soon as a commercial break came on, we rushed onto Twitter to see what was going on.  Of course Johnny and Ramzy are main sources of intelligent entertainment, but ultimately it seemed that everyone was stating the same thing: eliminate the mistakes and quit playing their game.  

Basking in the wake of mediocrity.....

Buckeye419er's picture

Boom goes the dyn-o-mite! I am still cheering for the fact that no one was seriously injured due to cut block hell...err.. I mean voodoo and sorcery and stuffs. 

+1 HS
longstb's picture

Brilliant!  Especially the Purdue updates...

BL

GOOMBAY's picture

You're dropping science like Galileo dropped the orange. 

+7 HS
Nicholas Jervey's picture

Goku and Superman would never fight, Johnny? It's all over Google Images, and they even had a rap battle!

Ceci n'est pas une signature.

crusher's picture

Was Vonn Bell tweeting during the first quarter? I swear I saw someone RT something he posted during the game. I believe it said something like you should've watched the practices. Did anyone else see that or I'm I crazy?

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men

sivaDavis's picture

His brother Volonte tweeted out that he accidentally tweeted from Vonn's account. Vonn's profile was signed in on the computer and Volonte tweeted without noticing it.

"I've had smarter people around me all my life, but I haven't run into one yet that can outwork me. And if they can't outwork you, then smarts aren't going to do them much good." - Woody Hayes

crusher's picture

Was it a fake account?

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men

Buckeye in a Bobcat world's picture

I'm still so bummed Kyle isn't covering the Buckeyes. I knew he got a different gig but for some stupid reason I thought nothing would change :(  I had to unfollow after the Indiana talk crushed my feed. They picked up a great guy for their side. I'm sorry Kyle! Please forgive me!!!

Elika is still a great source for entertainment. 

+2 HS
dan_isaacs's picture

https://twitter.com/danisaacs/status/505771247268286464/photo/1

I thought they'd never stop coming out of the tunnel.  :)

Dan Isaacs

AeroBuckeye2001's picture

It's not how you play the game it's how you win it

-Shadrach, The Beastie Boys

The Ohio State University Class of 2001
BS Aero & Astronautical Engineering

+1 HS
whiskeyjuice's picture

Go Bucks!! Now we have the chance to go 2-0

"Championships are not won on Saturdays in November. Championships are won on Tuesdays in August." -- Kerry Combs

+1 HS
buckeyebfd's picture

Twitter is great when you're away from a TV, stupid work, but it's even better during an episode of Game Of Thrones

bedheadjc's picture

that one submarine that you can't hear unless Russians are singing in it.

"One ping only, please."

You had a bunch of great lines in this piece, Johnny. Nice job.

And I want to know if Brutus is trolling the DI, or is he some sort of amorphous love and acceptance bot. "I like EVERYONE"?

+3 HS
Philly_Buckeye's picture

I really love the Buckeye moms.

Ohio State class of 2018

+1 HS
TURD_BUCKET's picture

Enjoyed the article! Hilarious! Well written!

Yes, I was a fan before twitter, but did ok, outside of the dank basement too. No, I was not an 8 - 12 year old girl in the 80s, so I do not consider Thriller a classic of the decade, or any decade. Yes, the Beastie Boys rock, even to an old fart like me.

Twittter ( and texting ) is a  little stupider and a little more brilliant, yes. Very well said. I doubt the children and the grandchildren 30 yerars from now will think so, but anyway. And so it goes.

“Being average means you are as close to the bottom as you are to the top.” John Wooden

PAWEST1202's picture

Goku vs. Superman!

+1 HS
huber57's picture

Old school Paul's Boutique reference. Solid work there.

Why does Dublin have so many round-abouts? Because everyone in Dublin thinks they have the right-of-way.

+1 HS
Johnny Ginter's picture

there's a cleaner version of this music video on youtube but i actually like this one way better

mr.green's picture

This was my favorite post-win wrapup. Love this site.