Zzzzzzzzt…

Greetings, my earthly Warriors of the Eleven.

Time Traveler here.  A little sideways in time currently, but wanted to skid over to your timeline and say…well hello!

As I penned a decade ago (in your years)…right on this site…I hinted a new Golden Age of THE was coming.  Some called it the “Buckeye Dawning”.  In the future of your own timeline, we discovered the ancient “Scroll of the Buckeye” that indeed detailed a “golden age” where Ohio State was “America’s Team” and football dominant (Scroll XXIII).

It started by bookending the four team playoff with championships.  Ohio State introduced itself emphatically in 2014 and in January of 2024, when they reminded the college football world who they were by humiliating the Maise and then snatching the last CFP crown…just as they’d claimed the first.

It came in the midst of incredible events though.  Let us walk together into the future (it’s your future…I can’t stay long, but you’ll be fine).  I adjure you to hear this oft-told tale of our own time…the glorious past of Buckeye lore from our sacred Scrolls…

Having been betrayed in a centuries old rivalry, often called “the greatest rivalry in sports”, Ohio State was the real victim here.  The victim of a cabal of greedy and heartless individuals who had cowered from the Buckeyes for years.  Cowards who tapped out in misery in 2020 and then miraculously became the bully all of a sudden in 21.  Retroactive eyebrows are still raising giddily.

“No more cowering!” they had cried on that fateful night.  And literally…they cried.  In Jimmy’s basement it is said…they wailed and wept, gnashing upon their fellows as chronicled in Buckeye Scroll LXVIII where a (sleepover) of sorts was had with certain other individuals of a…”devious nature”.

The result?  Exactly what you see before you, playing out in living color as the weeks unfold.  The literal destruction of what was once recognized as the summit of all rivalries on your planet.

All because some petty men pretended to be Praetorians…guarding “the Michigan Way”…but the only Emperor they served was their own lust to “win at any…and we mean any cost”.

So when Cheaty McCheat Sheet (that is his name in the Scrolls, it’s weird seeing he has a real name) came by and convinced the other “devious natures” that cheating was oh so delicious, all the devious natures together licked their lips…together…with lips and togetherness (the Scrolls were a little vague about the sleepover details-something about milk and chicken legs and lots and lots of lips).

So while you enjoy the truly delicious schedenfruede that IS coming, remember that Ohio Sate is the Jilted Prince…betrayed by (and so bitterly disappointed in) that horing and whoresome whore from Ann Arbor (history did rename that city to “My Cheatin Whore” in 2025 but I digress).  

We trusted her to keep her (once healthy) hatred alive for those two decades we frightened her.  Many Buckeyes even pitied her in her frailty.  But the Rivalry…was sacred.  We respected our (once honorable) opponent as being above the despicable depths they would eagerly dive to.

All for the opportunity to be the “frightful ones” for a little while, to pound their own chests and regale their superior toughness, knowing in their core they were lifeless husks of humankind…carcasses cradled in cadavers.  Indeed, this was the new Michigan Man.

“Toughness is the Michigan way!”  they spittled at any stranger along their deluded path.  “And you…Suckeyes…just ain’t tough!”  And they laughed.  And their fans laughed.  Their players mocked and their coaches cocked (well at least one was willing to plumb the depths of depravity like a pro)…

So the Whore had willingly sold herself into a life of shame and mediocrity.  Relegated to the gutter in any football conversation.  I can hear Gomer Pyle even now.

The Scrolls talk about a plague of “emerods” that hits the whore city (in your soon future) resplendent in their own gore, but appropriate…if only partial…restitution for…a cabal of little people….mental Lilliputians…disrespectful, disregarding, and dimly lit from an integrity perspective.

I fart in their general direction!

To the Warriors of the Eleven and my friends in this timeline…I salute your Soon Victory and imminent dynasty.  

Spoken thus have the Scrolls!

Zzzzzzzt…zzzcckktt!