It's that unfortunate time in life that decisions need to be reevaluated, or changed. Both of my parents are unable to care for their basic daily needs following a lengthy history of coronary artery disease, cancer, strokes and dementia. Following the last stroke my mother had, I moved in with them full time to provide their care. Their home is near my own, but only theirs has a suitable floor plan and accessibility to handle their needs. Moving back in with Ma and Pa was not in my plan after age 50, (or even 20 for that matter) yet here I am.
My children are grown and successfully on their way, I have a great wife, and my own health is great for a man in his 80's. If only I really was in my 80's. Moving in to be a 24/7 caregiver to 2 senile, incontinent adults is challenging, but a choice I made willingly. But is it the right choice for my family?
My wife is beginning to push back a bit over this situation. I'm torn between making her happy, and fulfilling a duty I feel to care for my parents as long as I'm able. She says her concern is my health. I'm a mass of implanted electronic gadgets, artificial joints, blood clots and wire. But I am as stable as I've been in years. I do have a surgery that I keep putting off, but that is not entirely due to the situation with my parents. How do I prioritise?
Is it wrong to care for my parents in their home as long as I can? Is it wrong not to reside in my house with my wife? I keep telling myself this is a short term deal, but I didn't think they would see last Christmas, either. God only knows how long they'll last.
It's a tough dilemma for me. Finances are not really an issue. There won't be much left either way. Financial senility set in before we realised, and unscrupulous telemarketers bled them out under the guise of everything from preventing basement moisture, to Medicare supplements covering international travel, to starving children and the heartbreak of psoriasis. They get by, but a nursing home would wipe them out in a matter of weeks, not months.
Have any of you had to make this choice? How would you choose? I feel like an ass one way or the other, no matter which way I go. The only upside is that I've already told my kids to box me up and ship me out when I can't care for myself. My parents always feared ending up in a nursing home, which is why it bothers me so much to put them there. They were awesome, loving parents, but only had an 8th grade education. They always played their cards very close to the vest, so there was not a lot known about their true situation. Now it's my place to step in and play out their hand. I'm just struggling with how to play out their hand without folding my own.
