Graham Glasgow's Police Report is Ridiculous, Criminally Stupid

By DJ Byrnes on June 4, 2014 at 1:06p

Michigan center, and heir to Taylor Lewan's scumbag throne, Graham Glasgow was suspended in March for portions of spring practice and the Appalachian State rematch for getting picked up for suspicion of driving under the influence.

If the police report of the incident is to be believed, the suspicion was well founded. From

According to the police report, which was obtained through a public-records request, Glasgow was driving his white Chevrolet Suburban at 8:39 p.m. near William and State streets in Ann Arbor. At least seven other passengers were in the car — or almost in the car.

Ann Arbor police officer Patrick Maguire observed that [Michigan volleyball player Lexi] Dannemiller “was hanging from inside the vehicle such that her waist and everything above was outside the vehicle.” He also noted in the report that she was “screaming at pedestrians.” The vehicle’s rear tailgate was open, and items were “partially falling” from the car as it was moving, the report states.

Seems like quite the scene caused by a guy who seemingly didn't have a care in the world. But the 6'6" 300+ lbs Graham had a solid explanation for the incident:

Maguire smelled “an overwhelming odor of intoxicants coming from the driver,” he wrote. Glasgow allegedly could not concentrate when retrieving the items Maguire asked for and was distracted and fumbling. When asked how much he had to drink, Glasgow said he had had five beers at his home and had been drinking since 3 p.m.

Graham would go onto fail his sobriety test. But hey, if he had actually only had five beers since 3 p.m. and did that bad on the sobriety test, maybe that goes a long way in explaining Michigan's offensive line's performance last year.

Graham has a pretrial hearing on the matter scheduled in 12 days.

H/T: HolyBuckeye1093


Comments Show All Comments

d1145fresh's picture

I remember my first beer.

+15 HS
bukyze's picture

Once it hits your lips, it's so good!

+4 HS
Ethos's picture

not mine. I was 12, and to discourage me my dad "allowed" me to try his beer.  Rolling Rock.  Needless to say, I nearly died and stayed away from beer for a solid 6 years until, well Ohio State of course.  Of course this back fired on my Dad, I just raided their liquor cabinet.

"I spent 90 percent of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted." - George Best

+1 HS
bukyze's picture

This is what I was referring to:


+2 HS
Killer nuts's picture

Interestingly the original post is also a Will Ferrel movie quote 

+2 HS
BierStube's picture

The vehicle’s rear tailgate was open, and items were “partially falling” from the car as it was moving, the report states.

Based on this, he will get a fine for littering!


"No matter where you go, there you are." B. Banzai

+7 HS
Rjpfish2's picture

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around partially falling.  It seems to me something would fall completely out or it would still be considered 'inside the vehicle'. How do they sort of fall out?

+1 HS
Hovenaut's picture

C'mon son...fat, drunk and stupid...


+4 HS
Denny's picture

omg it is brady hoke wearing a michigan helmet


+11 HS
bucktoad's picture

found not guilty for reasons of football

+2 HS
45OH4IO's picture

He looks like such a goober in that picture. C'mon man!

It looks like everyone has a reason to hate the offseason. Even Michigan Men. Hurry up August.

Chief B1G Dump's picture

This has all the symptoms of being wasted off of Zima!


+4 HS
kyo's picture

Add a cig to that equation and make it complete

gumtape's picture


High and tight boo boo

+3 HS
Knarcisi's picture

Glasgow was reported to have been released of donut abuse charges since he learned this from his coach. 

gumtape's picture

Admit it, most of us slobs want to know who Lexi is, I will save you the trouble of googling her yourself.

I will refrain from making any remarks about her appearance or judgement in this case. However, based on her athletic prowess, she could probably block better than M*chigan's starting offensive line this fall.


High and tight boo boo

+4 HS
ShowThemOhiosHere's picture

Of course, the name "Lexi" just screams of attractiveness.

Class of 2010.

+1 HS
vwhiegs57's picture

He's probably the guy who walks around a party with Watermelon Jello shots made with watered down Gas Station Vodka screaming "SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, COME ON BRO LET'S DO A SHOT YOU PUSSY.......MAN I'M GETTING SOO WASTED RIGHT NOW!!" Embarrassing....

+2 HS
ShowThemOhiosHere's picture

At least seven other passengers were in the car — or almost in the car.

Just literally laughed out loud at the office at that sentence.

Glasgow may be big on size, but he's not too big on smarts or alcohol tolerance.

Class of 2010.