Sooner Letter Slams Texas' Math Skills, Fails Miserably

October 11, 2013 at 10:07a    by DJ Byrnes    
17 Comments
The Red River Rivalry in Dallas, Texas. The only neutral site game in college football worth a shit in the regular season.

In the spirit of the University of Texas’ friendly rivalry with the University of Oklahoma, the editorial boards of The Daily Texan and The Oklahoma Daily have exchanged editorials. The Red River Rivalry, played every October in the neutral meeting ground of Dallas, is a time-honored tradition that brings out both the best and, some would say, worst in Texas and Oklahoma football fans. In anticipation of Saturday’s game, both editorials are running in Austin and Norman today. 

From the Daily Texan:

Hey Texas, how’s it going?

We just want to say before we get into this, from the bottom of our hearts — thank you. Really. Your ultimate fail of a season is providing us so much entertainment. Whether it’s watching you cheat your way through the Iowa State game or trying to understand your strange belief that you can actually win the Big 12, you never cease to amaze us.

But really, we have to give it up to you. You’ve beaten two of the worst teams in the Big 12. That’s an accomplishment. It takes work to be as bad as you guys have been this season. And for once, hard work in Texas is paying off!

It’s almost as impressive as your ability to dwindle all the talent around you.

And here's the attempted money shot, in full:

Math might be a little hard for you right now, so we’ll break it down for you. If you guys were to double your national championships, you would still be short of Oklahoma’s seven. It’s all right. If it weren’t for bad teams like you, good programs like ours wouldn’t have anyone to entertain us when we’re bored.

C'mon, staff of The Oklahoma Daily! Y'all are college students, and as such, are supposed to be well versed in the wonders of Wikipedia. Texas has four national titles. Don't worry though, you guys are probably going to drill Texas on Saturday.


17 Comments

Comments

Unky Buck's picture

This never fails...

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AndyVance's picture

I was hoping you'd break this out when I saw the subtitle in the Buckshots! I love Chevy Chase.

Unky Buck's picture

I was just hoping no one would beat me to the punch. It's so fitting!
And man, Chevy's stuff on SNL...so funny.

...

Baroclinicity's picture

Don't forget one of the greatest movies ever, Fletch.  My user name on another forum is John Coctostan.

When you're holding a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Earle's picture

Could I borrow your towel?  My car just hit a water buffalo

Italics are for emphasis.

Baroclinicity's picture

Oh yeah, I've also used Dr. Rosenfetus...

When you're holding a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Baroclinicity's picture

You may be right.  All these years...  *smh*

When you're holding a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Earle's picture

Italics are for emphasis.

Hovenaut's picture

Boomer.

Advanced quantitative methods.

OSUStu's picture

Well, Texas shouldn't be able to claim that 1970 National Championship.  That should belong only to Nebraska and The Ohio State University.

If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.  ~ Bruce Lee

ShowThemOhiosHere's picture

LMAO oh man.  The rest of this is pretty funny (though I don't consider benefiting off of bad calls cheating unless you paid the refs to make said bad calls).
Now children, what's 4 times 2?

Class of 2010.

BierStube's picture

 

"No matter where you go, there you are." B. Banzai

BuckeyeAtHeart22's picture

If Ohio State and UM did this during Hate Week, the editorial in Ann Arbor would say,
 
"F*CK YOUR STATE, F*CK YOUR TEAM, AND GET READY FOR SHAZIER TO EAT YOUR CHILDREN"

bigbadbuck's picture

For all the Oklahoma fans who may grace these pages....36 is more than 20...........

CALPOPPY's picture

Yeah, Sooners could have scored double what they did and still would not have won.

I'm a hurtin' buckaroo.