Wednesday Skull Session

By D.J. Byrnes on June 5, 2013 at 6:00 am
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[21 Marine rifles erupt in succession]

E. Gordon Gee is dead; long live E. Gordon Gee!

Gordon Gee is not literally dead, but the haters have gotten the second best thing: his retirement, effective July 1st, 2013. The 69 year-old rainmaker has been serving his second tour of duty as Ohio State's President since October 1st, 2007. While Gee didn't blame his recently exposed off-color jokes about Catholics and the SEC, he did admit "turbulence" often forces focused discussions with family. I have trouble envisioning Ohio State's President being anybody other than Gee. 

At this point, I may have to re-watch this week's Game of Thrones to see if Gordon Gee was in Robb Stark's royal entourage that was so brutally eradicated by Lord Walder Fey. Who was the Ohio State insider that originally dropped a dime on Gordon Gee? At least Robb Stark got to look his killer in the eye before the almighty Roose Bolton eviscerated him.

EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE BASKETBALL REF, ED HIGHTOWER, IS RETIRING. The Big Ten standby announced he will be retiring after the 2013-2014 season. I say "everybody's favorite basketball ref" because who doesn't watch basketball games for their referees?

Ed Hightower refereed his first Big Ten basketball game in 1981. Since then, he's miraculously refereed 12 Final Fours, making self-aggrandizing foul calls every step of the way. 

For basketball fans like me – who watch the game for the referees and look to see where they can senselessly inject drama – we will be losing quite the college basketball icon. Will "TV Teddy" Valentine be up to picking up the slack after this season? Perhaps the NBA's Tony Brothers could drop down a level to help him? Gosh, I worry what will happen to the game without referees. Maybe Ed Hightower will reconsider? If he does, may he referee for another 100 years.

Oh, and you'll want to move on this soon-to-be collector's item.

KIRK HERBSTREIT SET TO RE-UP WITH ESPN. According to the man behind the definitive book on the World Wide Leader, Kirk Herbstreit will soon be inking an 8-year extension with ESPN set to begin in 2014 when his current deal expires. I've never really understood the ire Kirk Herbstreit draws in Columbus. Do they expect his commentary on college football to be nothing other than fawning coverage of his alma mater? Only an idiot would expect him not to compensate for naturalized bias towards the Scarlet and Grey. 

The people who couldn't leave Mrs. Herbstreit alone in the produce aisle without voicing their opinions on her husband's opinions will probably be angry to learn Mr. Herbstreit is still riding around getting it, but perhaps that's a deserved feeling. 

Please consider the rhyming caption to this photo my suicide letter.GORDON GEE WILL NO LONGER BE  V.I.P.

DAVID PERKINS WAS ON ONE IN BOWLING GREEN. The Lantern unearthed some details centering on David Perkins' arrest in Bowling Green, and as expected, it was not pretty for the extrajudicial murderer of Brutus Buckeye. According to Ohio State's Director of Communications, Jerry Emig, Perkins was already disassociated with Ohio State's football program before the arrest occurred.

At 2:45 AM on May 25th, Bowling Green police received a call about a man trying to force his way into a student's house on Pike Street, something he had already tried. When police showed up and detained Perkins, he claimed to know the residents of the residence he was attempting to enter, something both residents denied. 

To make matters worse, Perkins was covered in blood and lacerations. Police later discovered a vehicle with a smashed window. The owner of the vehicle did not know Perkins either.

Perkins said he consumed liquor and other alcohol before the incident. For his troubles, the 20-year old was charged with criminal trespassing, criminal damaging, and an underage alcohol consumption. 

DESHAUN THOMAS WILL WORK OUT WITH THE KNICKS. According to the New York Knicks' PR Twitter account, DeShaun Thomas will work out for the Knicks later today. The Knicks already have an undersized, score-first power forward in Amar'e Staudemire, but I think the Knicks will do their damndest to try to rid themselves of Staudemire's awful, uninsured contract.

Whether they're able to do that is a different matter entirely, but I am unsure of DeShaun's NBA prospects. Who does he guard in the NBA? Can he contribute in any other ways than scoring? Can he improve his game to become a more efficient scorer, as he won't dominate the ball like he did in college? I'm skeptical of his chances in the NBA, but I have little doubt he could enjoy a long professional career somewhere overseas. 

OHIO STATE OFFERS FOUR STAR '14 OFFENSIVE LINEMAN. Matt Elam, the 6-6 340 lbs. offensive lineman out of Elizabethtown, Kentucky, who recently said he "manhandled the competition" at Alabama's summer camp, tweeted yesterday he picked up a recruitment offer from Urban Meyer's staff. The soon-to-be high school senior has offers from Alabama, Kentucky, Louisville, Ohio State, Indiana and Purdue with more on the way now that the Crimson Tide and Buckeyes have joined the hunt for his services. 

Kentucky has been able to pull some midtable B1G talent out of Ohio lately, so perhaps it will be up to Ohio State to stem the talent flow south. And no, I can't believe I typed that sentence either.

NEW DIGITAL DIGS FOR OHIO STATE. Ohio State can do many things at once: Accept the retirement notice of the school's president and roll out a new athletics website – all in a day's work, really. 

THOSE W.M.D.'s. According to the Dispatch, an Australian will be punting for Ohio State this fall... Why Sports Betters Target Tennis Players on Twitter... The Couple Who Meets At Wal-Mart Weds at Wal-Mart... Alabama's Devonta Pollard has been charged in April 30 kidnapping. KIDNAPPING... MLB may be close to suspending A-Rod, Braun, 20 others for PED use... Cincinnati mayoral candidate plans to hand out 48 marijuana plants at campaign event.

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