Frank the Dentist

By Elika on July 20, 2012 at 1:05p

Sometimes you can't see a warning sign for what it is, until it's too late for it to actually be a warning. Instead, the slightly-tipsy story of an ordinary happy hour turned odd just begins to make more sense over time.

As a Southern California native, it wasn't until I was 22 that I moved to Columbus to attend graduate school. In fact, I moved to Ohio on September 1, 2007, a day most of you probably remember well. My family flew out there with me, and my brother and I chuckled at the fact that Michigan was down 28-17 to Appalachian State as we boarded the plane. Surely that lead wouldn't hold, but... Appalachian State!

We began our final descent into Columbus, flying over the Ohio State campus. A gorgeous scene of hundreds of thousands of scarlet and gray clad dots, watching inside the Horseshoe and at Hineygate, as the Buckeyes beat the Penguins 38-6. I had never before been so close to Ohio State football, while in a place that I could officially call home. I got the kind of goosebumps you get when you realize you're in the midst of one of your life's major turning points.

We landed at Port Columbus International and I was just taking it all in, but my brother turned on his phone with more important things on his mind. Mountaineer safety Corey Lynch had just blocked a 37-yard field goal on the final play, sealing one of the greatest upsets of college football, as Appalachian State beat Michigan, 34-32. In some bizarre way, it made my new home feel like home, and I hadn't even reached baggage claim yet. I wanted to yell in the middle of CMH, "People of Ohio, I am one of you now! Let us revel in the misery of Michigan together (for at least two years)!"

Over the next few months, I walked from my apartment to the Horseshoe on Saturdays to watch the Buckeyes. This new tradition was a huge upgrade over rolling out of bed at 8am PST to watch the games with a couple hundred Ohio State fans, 2,248 miles away from Columbus.

With the exception of the Youngstown State game the day I moved, I only missed one other home game during that 2007 season: Illinois. To this day, I still think it was the fact that I didn't eat a Brutus Dog at halftime that lost it for the Buckeyes (but don't get me started on the officiating that day).

I even traveled to a couple road games. I took a picture with the Joe Paterno statue, reportedly being removed this weekend, just hours before watching the best game Todd Boeckman ever played. I had an Ann Arbor bar full of people chant "trailer trash [redacted]" at me, the night before Beanie Wells racked up 222 yards and two touchdowns as I watched Ohio State beat Michigan for the fourth straight year, in freezing cold rain.

For someone who had spent years watching Ohio State from a sports bar across the country, it was incredible to be so close, physically, to something I loved so much. Football season eventually ended, as they tend to do, and other priorities started to get the attention they deserve. There was a certain buzz, however, during winter quarter final exams, as a 6-6, 230-pound quarterback from Jeanette, PA announced on March 19, 2008 that he would be attending "University of Ohio State." My exams had finished a bit early, so I watched from home in Orange County, while on spring break. In a way, it seemed fitting that I'd be so far away from Columbus that day, seeing as how the majority of my lifelong relationship with Ohio State athletics was that way.

The next day, I joined my girlfriends for happy hour at Billy's At The Beach in Newport Beach. I was drinking a Mai Tai (don't judge, Billy's makes a fantastic Mai Tai), watching the sun set over the water, and couldn't possibly be further removed from Ohio State at that moment. A sketchy-looking, middle aged man in a Steelers shirt approaches my table and begins to chat us up. We're not interested. Well, most of us aren't. Upon hearing that he's from Pennsylvania, my friend Kat decides this could be fun to watch.

Frank the Dentist's mentee looks confused.

"You're from Pennsylvania?" Kat asked. Upon confirmation that he was, "That's great! Elika here is from Ohio," she responded. (Thank you, Kat.)

I have no idea what will get this guy as disinterested as possible, as quickly as possible, so I just put my own lack of interest on display as I correct her with, "I'm actually not from Ohio, I just live in Columbus."

This doesn't work, as he replies, "Oh really? One of my good friends is moving to Columbus soon," he says.

"Great." (One word answers are a sure sign of do-not-want, right?!)

He continues, "Yeah, he'll be attending Ohio State."

"Nice." (Did I ask? And why is this creep really good friends with a high school kid? I don't want to know.)

He continues, "Yeah, he's the top ranked quarterback recruit in the country." (Ok, ok... I still think he's a creep, but NOW I want to know....)

"So you're from Jeanette?" I ask. "Yeah! You know of Jeanette?" he said. "Well, I assumed, considering you're name-dropping Terrelle Pryor," I replied. (The can of worms was open, there was nothing I could do.)

He goes on to tell me that he got Terrelle in to Ohio State. "That's funny," I practically snorted, "I could have sworn it was his 4,000 passing and rushing yards that did that."

He corrects himself, "I mean... I convinced him to go there." My stomach turns and I tell him this conversation is over, I don't want to know more. This Steelers fan clearly understands "no" about as well as Ben Roethlisberger, as he presses on. I adamantly tell him I'd like to get back to my conversation with my friends.

What's creepier than a middle aged man who insists he's friends with a high school kid? One who pulls out his phone, pulls up his contacts, and scrolls over to said-high school kid, and hits "send" so that he can prove this alleged friendship to a woman who's practically begging him to leave her table. The phone was shoved into my face, as an 18 year old answered the phone.

"Hi, your friend here decided to name-drop you at a bar in Newport Beach and then shoved the phone in my face," I said, to the voice that just said hello to me. Meanwhile, the sleaze ball is practically yelling at me, "Frank the dentist! Tell him it's Frank the dentist!"

As I think to myself, "Is this real life?" I tell Terrelle that it's Frank the dentist, and hand the phone back over to Frank. It's happy hour, and I'm now playing secretary to a Roethlisberger-esque dentist who likes to name drop 18 year olds. "Frank" and Terrelle chat for about 30 seconds. About money. I don't want to know. And then they hang up.

"So... you're his dentist?" I ask. "Well," says Frank, "I'm his dentist AND his mentor." So much for being removed from all things Ohio State that evening. I wished Frank a great night, and turned back towards my friends.

With the exception of retelling the story of "Frank the dentist" to a couple close friends, I never really gave him much thought after that night. Until May 30, 2011, when I was even further removed from Ohio State in France, and got a barrage of texts letting me know that Jim Tressel resigned. I couldn't help but think of a certain dentist from Jeanette, who decided to "mentor" a hometown kid.


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Man of Scarlet and Gray's picture

That is literally the sketchiest story of all time! Why was this guy in SOcal first of all and second of all what was this guys role in Terrelle's life? I bet he just gave TP's family money to help them stay afloat in the hopes that one day he could piggy back off of TP's success. Wow what a pathetic weird dude

 "I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault."
--Jack Tatum

Elika's picture

Super, duper sketchy.

How firm thy friendship... OH-I-O!

kperry316's picture

It's guys like that that make College sports so disgusting. What adult is that excited to know a teenager unless that teenager is their son/daughter or you actually coach them. And even then those people wouldn't shove a phone in your face to prove the relationship true. Just sick. 

“The minute we stop expecting greatness from our football program, we become Wisconsin.”

Craig Krenzel

Elika's picture

Agreed. Agreed. Agreed.

How firm thy friendship... OH-I-O!

Ethos's picture

Nice and Creepy.  Just how we like our Friday's.

"I spent 90 percent of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted." - George Best

Elika's picture


How firm thy friendship... OH-I-O!

BrewstersMillions's picture

Sounds about right. If Terelle Pryor was a bust, I wonder if this guy would look back on his life circa 2007\2008 and think "Man I really over reacted". It never ceases to amaze me just how excited grown ass men get about high school kids. Say that out loud and try not to run for a shower right after....
Makes sense he's a 'dentist' too. Creepy dude=creepy profession. (Sorry dentists).

Baroclinicity's picture

Not trying to start a fight, but I can't follow that logic.  Why are dentists creepy?  (Full disclosure:  Dad was a dentist, but I think I would question a broad brushed statement like that anyways)

When you're holding a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

BrewstersMillions's picture

Dentistry is a noble profession. Anyone that works for the good of his fellow man whether its his heart, brain, or chompers is ok in my book. With that said, the mouth is a disgusting orifice and I find the whole thing a bit odd. Again, not a dig at your dad but his line of work gives me the heebs.

Doc's picture

Brewester, I now know where I stand with you.  We Dentists aren't all creeps, some of us for sure, but not all.

CJDPHoS Member

The Official DDS of 11W

Denny's picture

Walter White will be coming for you soon, man.


Buckeyeneer's picture

Wow. Surprised he didn't ask you if you wanted to see his van.

"Because the rules won't let you go for three." - Woody Hayes

THE Ohio State University

Carolina Buckeye's picture

What?!?! Elika you could have stopped all this madness from ever starting! =) I kid...

AJBor41's picture

"This Steelers fan clearly understands "no" about as well as Ben Roethlisberger, as he presses on."

tennbuckeye19's picture

Frank didn't look like this by any chance, did he?

Irricoir's picture

So Elika, not that I am on the menu at the market, but are one word answers the universal language for get lost?
I get that there are times when a girl just wants to enjoy her friends and I get that there are times that guys are way to pushy and can't take a simple hint or even a "Get Lost" for that matter. So where is the happy medium? What is the solution from a woman's point of view? Maybe I need to take that to Maxim, IDK but it is relative to your story. Feel free to ignore the question altogether. Feels kind of weird asking it in the first place.
 A man has to try to break the ice somehow. I do concede that he comes off as kind of creepy, especially trying to use and 18 year old kid as a point of reference to score points with a young lady.

I don't always take names when I kick ass but when I do, they most often belong to a Wolverine.

Squirrel Master's picture

Is it Elika or Sarah that is totally grossed out by middle aged men hitting on 20ish women? I.E. Bret Bulimmia!
edit: of course thinking about it, probably both! lol

I saw a UFO told me to have a goodyear!

ArTbkward's picture

All women everywhere should be grossed out by Bret Bielema.

We should strive to keep thy name, of fair repute and spotless fame...

(Also, I'm not a dude)

Squirrel Master's picture

very true!

I saw a UFO told me to have a goodyear!

Elika's picture

Both of us have made more than our fair share of Bielema comments...

How firm thy friendship... OH-I-O!

Elika's picture

I'd say a general rule of thumb is that if you have to guess whether or not someone is engaged in the conversation, chances are they're not. And if they're into you, or think they might be, they should be engaged in the conversation.

How firm thy friendship... OH-I-O!

Irricoir's picture

Gotcha...I am not thinking about your situation when making this comment...but if I introduce myself to a lady and she is not engaged off of the introduction, I think that that is a little superficial of the pass judgment before getting to know you. (Not in your case because the guy sounded as if he was 15 years older than you) I never approach women that I don't know for personal reasons but my friends are constantly going up to ladies and attempting to get to know them. It's sad, I notice two things, most times whether or not they engage in conversation is primarily based off of the physical attraction at first glance. Second, women are more likely to attempt to embarrass a man in front of their (female counterparts) friends than if you caught them alone. Of course, its great for a laugh, which is part of the reason I am not more engaging, but really complicates things. I feel like I am in a Dr. Ruth column now, Lol. I am done with this line of conversation. Good day ma'am and thank you for entertaining me.

I don't always take names when I kick ass but when I do, they most often belong to a Wolverine.

Elika's picture

There are many factors that go in to whether or not I enthusiastically (key word, as I have yet to be flat out rude to someone who comes up to me, unless they're asking for it) engage in conversation with strangers who approach me (including, but not limited to: my mood, their approach, what I'm currently in the middle of, and, to an extent, yes, the level of attraction towards that person).

I don't want to get into a long conversation about this, but here's some food for thought... A woman is sitting at a bar with her friends, a man notices her from across the room, finds her attractive enough to walk over there and introduce himself. It would be superficial of her to decide, based on looks alone, that she's not interested in a man that approached her based on looks alone? Sounds like a double standard to me.

How firm thy friendship... OH-I-O!

Irricoir's picture

You are correct, if he indeed he approached her off attraction alone. Thanks for the interaction Elika, may we meet in a bar one day and I be pleasant enough on the eyes to not get a one word answer. /smiles and jokes

I don't always take names when I kick ass but when I do, they most often belong to a Wolverine.

sir rickithda3rd's picture

i look forward to the answer to this comment... i bet it has something to do with the dentist being 40 and her and her friends being around 22ish

mark may wins douchebag of the year... again

ARMYBUCK's picture

Sad to say but our fan base has a ton of creepy old dudes that would love nothing more than to befriend a 17 or 18 year old kid and then brag about it, as does every fan base.  It really is sad. 

buckeyedude's picture

I must confess, I'm 47, but I don't think I'm creepy, and I'm not a dentist(a fine profession, BTW, unlike loiyas). I'm not attracted to chicks my daughter's age. That creeps me out.
I just have an unhealthy obsession to anything Buckeye, but especially football. 11W is my enabler.
Man. Just listening to Irricoir reminds me of how I hate the bar scene. I do enjoy a night out partying, but it's not the place to hook up, IMO. Too many mixed signals.



Squirrel Master's picture

The things guys do to get attention of women......prove they have a relationship with 18 year old boys! What has this country come to? I mean, I typically start with "Hi, my name is" and then try "would you like a drink" or "does my breath smell funny". I never thought of trying the "I know an 18 year old" line!
but then again he is a dentist. At least he tried to talk about something of your interest. He could have talked to you about the latest drill that came out on the market a week ago and has cut down on the scraping of the enamel allowing him to do more procedures to the left upper ulnum without having to enter through the "rear"! Innuendo intended!

I saw a UFO told me to have a goodyear!

Riggins's picture

How do you and Ramzy run into all these well-connected (or sketchy-connected) people at bars?

Ramzy Nasrallah's picture

I often ask myself the same question.

Elika's picture

Does this mean we drink too much?

How firm thy friendship... OH-I-O!

Ramzy Nasrallah's picture

Too much? Categorically: No.

Too often? It's all relative.

TheBadOwl's picture

That's a thing?

When I walked in this morning and saw the flag was at half mast I thought, "Alright, another bureaucrat ate it." but then I saw it was Li'l Sebastian. Half mast is too high. Show some damn respect.

Arizona_Buckeye's picture

No such thing!!!!

The best thing about Pastafarianism? It is not only acceptable, but advisable, to be heavily sauced

ArTbkward's picture

I had something like this happen after the Iowa game in '10.  I was in The Airliner in Iowa City and some middle aged Iowa fan said I just had to meet his nephew. The nephew was at home and I'm obviously from Ohio but regardless of that he took out his phone and called the said nephew at god-knows-what-time then shoved the phone at me.  It would be a better story if the nephew had been a D1 recruit.

We should strive to keep thy name, of fair repute and spotless fame...

(Also, I'm not a dude)

Rockhbuck's picture

The Poke Tower at Billy's is awesome.  

Elika's picture

Their sliders, with the bacon, pepperjack, guacamole and caramelized onion, are some of the best I've ever had.

How firm thy friendship... OH-I-O!

buckeye76BHop's picture

This was an interesting story Elika...that must have been his mentor who paid or I mean...helped TP get to OSU.  Now you must ask yourself why Joe Parterno said that OSU must have been able to "offer" him more after he committed to OSU in 2008...wonder if that was money Joe was talking about?  This seems a bit miniscule in comparison to the Jerry Sandusky cover up....but does raise some questions about what "Frank" and TP were talking about...

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."

"I love football. I think it is most wonderful game in world and I despise to lose."

Woody Hayes 1913 - 1987 

BuckeyeSki's picture

I go to Happy Hour to get weeeeeird......but that is a completely different kind of weird
Good call on the one-word answer's as a huge neon sign saying "GO AWAY" it always amazed me how that goes un-noticed by many a drunken male at the bar. They are usually wearing those "wolf in the woods" shirts from Walmart too tho, so I assume they come from the south

Banned from BlackShoeDiaries since 2008. Crime: Slander/Defamation of Character Judgement: Guilty

Kalamazoo Steve's picture

Guy had a Steelers shirt on.  That's creepy enough for me.

Sgt. Elias's picture


"Okay -- I've got an El Camino full of rampage here." 

Colin's picture

Not that I've been to LA but since you were in Newport of all places I bet it's just full of rich middle aged dudes trying to pick up girls half their age, and his TP connection was his in with you.
I just wonder how many "mentors" Pryor really had when he was making his college choice.

tennbuckeye19's picture

I can now think of 3, but I'm sure there's more:
I remember Steelers back-up QB Charlie Batch was a mentor working with him and advising him. We're all familiar with the name Ted Sarniak as a businessman from Jeanette, PA, who was linked to Pryor as a mentor. And now Frank the Dentist. 

HighBallAce's picture

Congratulations Irricoir, you managed to aquire her

Doc's picture

He also got more than a one word answer to boot;}.  Says the "creepy" Dentist.

CJDPHoS Member

The Official DDS of 11W

pjtobin's picture

The last game I took my dad to. The cheers were louder every time they showed scUMs score. We stayed at the river watch tower to finish watching their game. Man the place went nuts when scum got beat. What a great day that was. 

Bury me in my away jersey, with my buckeye blanket. A diehard who died young. Rip dad.