The Situational: Championship Repellant

By Ramzy Nasrallah on April 9, 2014 at 11:15a
Penn State is a...dog?

B1G Family Portrait

50 Comments

In 1968 it almost happened. We were so close.

That's a year that will always shine in Ohio State fans' minds whether they're 50 or 14: The Buckeyes won the national title, running the table, destroying Michigan and taking down OJ Simpson's USC Trojans in the Rose Bowl.

Five months prior to the start of that wondrous season, Fred Taylor's Buckeyes won the Midwest Region in the NCAA Tournament, beating Kentucky in an 82-81 thriller and advancing to the Final Four in Los Angeles.

Los Angeles. In the late 1960s, no less. Right in the middle of the John Wooden's UCLA dynasty. If it doesn't seem fair, it's because it wasn't - however, Ohio State never got a shot at the Bruins, losing 80-66 to North Carolina and passing the Tarheels to the eventual champs for slaughter - but still winning the third-place consolation game (there used to be such a thing) against Houston!

Ohio State came within a Final Four of sweeping the holy collegiate duo of national titles. It's won just one of those in the 45 years since. The Big Ten has won only seven. Ed: What Penn State and Nebraska did prior to learning our secret handshake doesn't count - this is 11W, not BTN.

Two football titles and five basketball, which means Bob Knight still owns nearly half of the Big Ten's revenue sports championships and Indiana fired him 14 years ago. The SEC has taken 11 in just the time since Ohio State won the Big Ten's most recent one in 2002. You can debate all of the reasons why; you just cannot argue the outcomes.

Granted, you shouldn't give a single laborious pebble of constipated excrement about titles won by other Big Ten teams - and shame on all of you who actually got sad when Wisconsin lost Saturday night. Validation for the conference? Ask yourself how validated you were when Sparty won the tournament in 2000. Or when Michigan won the 1998 Rose Bowl. Yes, what an invigorating feeling. Conference pride is the opiate of the insecure.

We need an Ohio State national title - in football, basketball or preferably both - and in 1968 (and 2007...ugh) that almost happened. Enough moping - IT'S TIME TO GET SITUATIONAL.


THE DESTINATION: BALTIMORE

crabcakes and football

The next time you see the Buckeyes play a team other than themselves this Saturday it will be in the stadium pictured here, where Joe Flacco - who once upon a time couldn't beat out Tyler Palko for playing time and had to transfer - now earns $20.1MM per NFL season. 

The United States Naval Academy will host Ohio State in Baltimore, and plenty of tickets are still available, almost exclusively on the Ohio State side of the field. It's a holiday weekend, you'll need an excuse to close out the summer in style and the Buckeyes are playing sweet, sweet football in a town where delicious blue crabs will be in peak season.

The Orioles are even home that weekend, and Inner Harbor has dozens of hotels where you can walk to both games, the National Aquarium or all three if you choose. It's almost too obvious: The season opening roadie is begging for your presence. Did I mention Camden Yards has an all-you-can-eat section? It does.

But maybe you're jaded by the idea of traveling to Baltimore because you've seen The Wire and are absolutely terrified of the city. Or perhaps you've seen too many Navy games and are fearful of being cut-blocked while innocently walking around town. The bad news is both of those fears are justified: Baltimore's underbelly is definitely scary, and Navy's always gonna cut-block without warning or prejudice.

The Buckeyes are playing sweet, sweet football in a town where delicious blue crabs will be in season.

The good news is there are simple solutions to both problems: First, stay away from vacant properties - which is generally where Baltimore homicides go down - and you're fine. It's okay to just be a tourist; there's no shame in declining to explore a city you're visiting explicitly to watch sports and eat shellfish. It's a weekend that doesn't have to turn into The Blair Witch Project either - go hunting for Legal Seafood and a bartender who's good with out-of-towners. Eat, declare victory and then leave.

As an aside, all cities have lousy areas. I lived in downtown Chicago for over a decade without hearing a single gunshot, and attended Ohio State when the now-gentrified South Campus was affectionately called South Compton. Trouble doesn't find you in either of those places - you have to go looking for it. It's fairly easy to avoid.

Perhaps I'm violent crime repellent, in which case you should be just fine in Baltimore the weekend of Ohio State/Navy since I'm planning on being there too. Hurry up, get here and leave, summer.


THE CLAIRVOYANT: CHRISTOPHER WALLACE

poppa been smooth since days of Underroos

Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US read the memo, now declassified. Seems like an ominous warning of the 9/11 attacks, though there might have been an even stronger and more specific warning nearly seven years earlier - almost to the day - of that security briefing.

On August 8, 1994 the Notorious B.I.G (née Christopher George Latore Wallace, aka Biggie Smalls, aka Biggie) released a security briefing of his own set to an instrumental sample of Mtume's Juicy Fruit. It's widely referred to as one of the greatest hip-hop songs of all time; a rags-to-riches tale of growing up poor and ultimately acquiring every video game console on the market, among other treasured consumer products. 

Embedded within the lyrics is the following line:

Time to get paid; blow up like the World Trade

The song prophesy was known as Juicy, from his debut album titled - ahem - Ready to Die.

The September 11 attacks were still seven years away, four full years after Wallace himself died violently. Osama bin Laden was still living in Sudan at a known address, scraping by on a $7MM/year stipend provided to him through his family's construction empire.

How did Biggie know? Every day amateur historians stumble upon the Biggie Prophesy anew, incredulously wondering to the world how he could have known about 9/11 and why we didn't listen...though Juicy went Gold rather quickly, suggesting we were listening; we just weren't hearing.

My friend Stefanie Turner dedicates a portion of her week to chronicling these intrepid detectives and showcasing their discoveries for the rest of us to see. Here is a very small sampling of the eureka moments she unearths weekly: 

This is true.

Even non-Americans are slowly waking up to the prophesy.

It could be a conspiracy. Or it could be tripping. It could be both.

You can't lay out the facts any more straightforward than that. Why isn't this being discussed more?

Welcome to enlightenment, zєnα. Population: Us.

We must go deeper. He knew. We just don't know why or how.

If you forget about the 1993 WTC bombing ever happening - because all of these people obviously have - it is a fascinating question: How did Biggie know? How?

Maybe someday we'll know. Perhaps once we solve for Abraham Lincoln's efficacy in eradicating vampires we'll be better equipped to uncover even more of America's best-kept secrets.


THE BOURBON: HUDSON BABY

There is a bourbon for every situation. Sometimes the spirits and the events overlap, which means that where bourbon is concerned there can be more than one worthy choice.

Hudson Baby Bourbon is made entirely in New York, from New York corn and by New Yorkers. Baby is born at the quaint little Tuthilltown Distillery in equally-charming Gardiner, getting its name from being the favored whiskey of infants who find relief from teething in its unique, comforting vanilla flavor.

That may not actually be true. See, there's a rule that comes with drinking bourbons deemed young or old - whether through aging (the ghost bourbon Pappy vintages, Elijah Craig, Black Maple Hill et al) or through name (Old Grand Dad, Hudson BabyAncient Age) and it's that they're storytelling whiskeys. Use them to liven up your boring stories.

Panty melter. You're welcome.Hudson Baby: Made & sold in small packages.

Babies preferring Baby Bourbon would be a hell of a story. Whiskey used to be commonly rubbed on babies' gums for teething relief, but now pediatricians recommend more natural analgesics like, um, acetaminophen or teething tablets, the latter of which - in some cases - have been found to contain nightshade. I can't speak for baby me, but adult me chooses whiskey. Nightshade is deadly and trace amounts of bourbon are easier on the liver than Tylenol.

Baby bourbon gets its name from its manufacturing process: It's aged in relatively tiny three-gallon barrels instead of the usual 53-gallon ones, which gives it more surface area contact with the charred oak that makes bourbon so bourbony. It turns over rather quickly; Baby doesn't take a lot of time to get good and woody. It's transferred into adorable little bottles like the one pictured here.

The result of this process - as well as its 100% corn recipe (you only need 51% to be bourbon-official) is, well, this:

a mildly sweet, smooth spirit with hints of vanilla and caramel.

...or if you're teething: 

ahhhh, goo goo [8-second fart] mama yayayabahhhhh bahhhhhhhhhhh

Baby is differentiated, legit and worth your precious money. You just need to have a full appreciation that handmade bourbon in small barrels has to cost more than the mass-produced swill you're currently drinking. Of course you can grasp that: You're not a baby.

Your library requires it. Baby makes a hell of an Old Fashioned or is perfect all by itself. Just like you, baby. Just like you.


THE PLAY-OFF: BUCKEYE BABES

The Internet never forgets. This isn't always a bad thing.

You may have rediscovered this campus classic when Youtube first dug it out from oblivion around the time Troy Smith was flinging the ball all over Ohio Stadium. You may have even lived it 25 years ago when it all seemed...so absolutely normal.

Either way, those who refuse to learn history are doomed to repeat it, which is why we cannot be allowed to forget that Buckeye Babes written and performed by Cool Breeze (featuring Dale Van Halen - no relation - on guitar) once happened in broad daylight:

 

There's a lot we can learn about previous societies from a simple, late-1980s amateur video production: One, there isn't a single person in a locked gaze with a cell phone. Everyone is living in the moment, not giving a single laborious pebble of constipated excrement about what's happening on Facebook or Twitter. Ugh, let's never live like that again. Progress is a good thing.

Two, the mere sight of someone carrying video camera equipment elicits waves and excitement. At the time, this portable technology from the future had recently captured Marty McFly embarking on future time travel; now it allows us to venture back in time to when this primitive device was relatively sophisticated.

And if you're one of those curmudgeons who think teenagers of today taking selfies are indulgent, you've conveniently forgotten how teenagers back then used to react to the sight of absolutely any dipshit carrying a camcorder. Or you never knew. Now you do. We've always been vain and shallow. It's normal.

Three, the hair. The goddamn hair. Styles from as far back as the 1950s on have come back and regained their place in fashion, but the hair of the 1980s is still protectively locked in a Chernobyl-style sarcophagus to prevent it from ever radioactively polluting popular culture again. It occasionally seeps into small towns and bad decisions, but we're otherwise safe from the perms and sprays of that era. I would tell you that I didn't go to high school with several of actual the coeds in this video, but that would make me a liar.

There's your Situational. Please enjoy the Ohio State spring game responsibly.

50 Comments

Comments

MikeNugents BigToe's picture

Watching the Buckeye Babes video was funny for about the first 30 seconds... until I realized my mom was attending tOSU at the same time the video was being shot.

"Remember that 55 yarder against Marshall?" -Not Mike Nugent

+8 HS
bukyze's picture

Thanks for making me feel so freaking old.

+2 HS
Denny's picture

The vacant property thing is redundant vis-a-vis The Wire and nailguns, anyways.

But mostly, let's get excited to go to Baltimore and eat delicious pit beef and drink wonderful Natty Bohs. 

Taquitos.

+1 HS
TheBadOwl's picture

The best "Biggie Smalls conspiracy tweet" came from Jeopardy champion and all-around funny guy Ken Jennings.

When I walked in this morning and saw the flag was at half mast I thought, "Alright, another bureaucrat ate it." but then I saw it was Li'l Sebastian. Half mast is too high. Show some damn respect.

+11 HS
cinserious's picture

Haha! And how did Tupac know anything about 'CJ' from San Andreas when GTA S.A. came out in 2004 and Tupac died in '96?

Gone ham, be back soon...

+1 HS
OSUMyke's picture

I am sorry but does anyone even know that the world trade was bombed in 1993 before Juicy came out in 1995. Just thought I would throw that little fact out there. That there have been serveral attempts on the world trade it's just in 2001 kinda but an end to the attempts

Mike Cutlip

+1 HS
TheBadOwl's picture

 

When I walked in this morning and saw the flag was at half mast I thought, "Alright, another bureaucrat ate it." but then I saw it was Li'l Sebastian. Half mast is too high. Show some damn respect.

+6 HS
Zimmy07's picture

Thank you!  I was starting to get annoyed that no one remembered the 1993 van bombing.

edit - OK.  My bad.  I should have read the last part after getting really annoyed at the twitter comments.

jhart's picture

OSU/Navy tickets purchased.

Orioles/Twins tickets purchased (Friday night).

Inner harbor hotel booked.

Can't wait!!

+3 HS
cinserious's picture

Dude, you almost had me convinced the 1993 WTC bombing didn't even happen. Almost. Drats! I wanted to be the one to enlighten the hipster generation about how Biggie knew!

Gone ham, be back soon...

+1 HS
cinserious's picture

I dare Mark Pantoni to send that 'Buckeye Babes' video to Torrance Gibson in an attempt to lure him to Columbus.

Gone ham, be back soon...

+3 HS
KevinJ's picture

Haven't tried the Baby Bourbon and whats held me back is the $40+ price tag for a 375ml bottle, when I can get a 750ml bottle of Four Roses Single Barrel, for the same price. I will give them props though at least they are making their own juice unlike other Micro Distillers who are buying from other distillers and claiming it to be their own. I will make a point in honor of this situational to order a glass the next time I frequent my local whiskey bar.

Ramzy I know you are a big fan of some of the KBD whiskeys, if you run across a bottle of the Willett 4yr Rye pick it up you will thank me later. Cheers
 

+1 HS
Ramzy Nasrallah's picture

Willett is terrific. I prefer Baby, but those are the kinds of choices you want life to give you.

jedkat's picture

Have you had Widow Jane? What are your thoughts?

“The teams that don’t respect their coaches and don’t trust their coaches are the teams that go .500"
~Zach Boren

KevinJ's picture

those are the kinds of choices you want life to give you

So true, so true, isn't America great! (As well as it's Bourbon and Rye)

Doc's picture

I thought it couldn't be called Bourbon unless it was distilled in Kentucky?  Please clarify.

"Say my name."

KevinJ's picture

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bourbon_whiskey

Legal requirements

Bourbon's legal definition varies somewhat from country to country, but many trade agreements require the name bourbon to be reserved for products made in the United States. The U.S. regulations for labeling and advertising bourbon apply only to products made for consumption within the United States; they do not apply to distilled spirits made for export.[15] Canadian law requires products labeled bourbon to be made in the United States and also to conform to the requirements that apply within the United States. But in countries other than the United States and Canada, products labeled bourbon may not adhere to the same standards. For example, in the European Union, products labeled as bourbon are not required to conform to all of the regulations that apply within the United States, though they still must be made in the U.S.

The Federal Standards of Identity for Distilled Spirits (27 C.F.R. 5) state that bourbon made for U.S. consumption[15] must be:

Produced in the United States[16]
Made from a grain mixture that is at least 51% corn[16]
Aged in new, charred oak barrels[16]
distilled to no more than 160 (U.S.) proof (80% alcohol by volume)[16]
Entered into the barrel for aging at no more than 125 proof (62.5% alcohol by volume)[16]
Bottled (like other whiskeys) at 80 proof or more (40% alcohol by volume)[17]

 

+1 HS
hodge's picture

Interestingly, since the mash is over 80% corn, that Hudson Baby Bourbon could also be considered corn whiskey, couldn't it?  

Ramzy Nasrallah's picture

It could, but corn whiskey isn't required to sit in charred oak barrels. It can be made in charred, uncharred or gently-used barrels.

When the mix is >51% corn and the barrels are charred (and there's no sugar added, which happens with some corn whiskeys) they just call it bourbon. Also, over the past decade bourbon is on fire - so it helps with marketing the product.

nm_buck's picture

Yep.  Whiskey can be clear... like 'shine.  It's the charred oak that gives bourbon the sweet caramels, vanillas and other wonderful flavors.  I once brewed a bourbon-barrel porter and I had some charred oak cubes that I was going to add into the fermenter.  In the interest of sanitation, I soaked the oak in a half-pint of Stolies for about 3 days.  I decanted the stolies and added the oak to the fermenter.  Then I noticed the vodka had turned a wonderful amber color.  It had converted into some of the sweetest bourbon I had ever tasted.  Don't know if the vodka mash qualified for real bourbon... but dang it was surprisingly mellow.  The porter came out nice as well.

+1 HS
RBuck's picture

Ah hell, I just skipped to The Bourbon.

"It's just another case of there you are". ~ Doc (1918-2012)

ISURVIVEDCOOPER's picture

Thanks Ramzy - Everyone loves a conspiracy theory, but thank you for being responsible enough to remind folks that a truck loaded with TNT was one of the known attempts in 1993... I have a hard time believing Biggie had prophetic powers, but gotta love the gift he left us to have fun topics.

 

"I don't apologize for anything.  When I make a mistake, I take the blame and go on from there." - Woody Hayes

+1 HS
Estrada's picture

I believe it was actually a fertilizer based bomb, and not TNT in the truck.

ISURVIVEDCOOPER's picture

I probably should have said 'urea nitrate-hydrogen'-based bomb instead, but whatever. =)

"I don't apologize for anything.  When I make a mistake, I take the blame and go on from there." - Woody Hayes

MediBuck's picture

It's been forever since I commented here, but The Situational always brings me back. Especially the Bourbon.

Thanks for being my favorite sports writer in the world (without actually being a professional sports writer), Ramzy.

"There is a force that makes us all brothers, no one goes his way alone." --Woody Hayes

+2 HS
thatlillefty's picture

As a DC resident now, I can't wait for the Buckeyes to come to Baltimore. Should be a great time. Definitely going to try and see a Orioles game on Sunday too.

Also, The Wire is hands down my favorite TV show of all-time. I just started rewatching the series.
 

+2 HS
Ethos's picture

Hey Ramzy, you ever try the bourbon from Mississippi River? Called Cody Road.  It's pretty decent, the distillery is located in Le Claire near where I live. (also the location of American Pickers, but yeah)

"What do you need water for, Sunshine?!" - Coach Coombs, if you don't love this man, you have no soul.

Ramzy Nasrallah's picture

I have not. I think I should.
 

Ethos's picture

Also do not scare parents, Hylands teething tablets were returned to market in 2011 safe as can be.  I used them on my 2 year old and am currently using them on my 4 month old.

"What do you need water for, Sunshine?!" - Coach Coombs, if you don't love this man, you have no soul.

Denny's picture

Yeah but bourbon's never been pulled as a remedy.

It's just science.

Taquitos.

+4 HS
OSU_ALUM_05's picture

I read the Biggie story and I immediately (and randomly) thought of the old SNL skit where Dana Carvey is playing Tom Brokaw and is prerecording news clips so he can take a vacation .. so they have to come up with every possibility to make sure they've got material when he's gone.  The transcript is below .....

Tom Brokaw: Okay, who are we up to?

Voice of Producer: Uh.. we're still on Presidents. Gerald Ford.

Tom Brokaw: Gerald Ford? Well, he's in good shape..

Voice of Producer: Just covering our bases, Tom. You never know..

Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. [ graphic of Gerald Ford, "1913-1996" appears over Tom's left shoulder ] "Gerald Ford dead today at the age of 83."

Voice of Producer: Okay, good. Annd, one for next year.

Tom Brokaw: Alright.. [ graphic of Gerald Ford, "1913-1997" ] "Gerald Ford dead today, at age 84."

Voice of Producer: Uh.. a little sadder.

Tom Brokaw: Alright. [ sad ] "Gerald Ford dead today.. at age 84.."

Voice of Producer: That was good. Good.

Tom Brokaw: Okay, what now?

Voice of Producer: Now let's do one for if he's shot.

Tom Brokaw: Well, what are the chances of that?

Voice of Producer: We're just covering contingencies.

Tom Brokaw: I mean, it just seems that Gerald Ford..

Voice of Producer: Look - you're the one who wants to spend the whole winter in Barbados, okay? Now, we gotta be ready with something, just in case. Alright, Tom?

Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. [ graphic of Gerald Ford, "1913-1996" ] "Gerald Ford shot dead today, at age 83."

Voice of Producer: Uh.. add the word "senseless".

Tom Brokaw: Alright. "Gerald Ford shot dead today, at the senseless age of 83."

Voice of Producer: Um.. uh..

Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. "Gerald Ford shot senselessly dead, at the age of 83."

Voice of Producer: Good, good.. Okay, now suicide.

Tom Brokaw: What?!

Voice of Producer: Just read it!

Tom Brokaw: Alright. "Gerald Ford dead today, after jupming out of an office building,senselessly."

Voice of Producer: That's a nice touch. Okay, moving on.

Tom Brokaw: Okay. "Gerald Ford dead today, from an overdose of crack cocaine."

Voice of Producer: Good, good.. Next.

Tom Brokaw: Alright. [ graphic of Gerald Ford and a commuter plane ] "Stunning news from Michigan, as former President Gerald Ford was chopped into little bits by the propeller of a commuter plane."

Voice of Producer: Good. One take.

Tom Brokaw: Alright, we got it?

Voice of Producer: No. We've got "eaten by wolves".

Tom Brokaw: What? Now, come on!

Voice of Producer: Just read it!

Tom Brokaw: Gerald Ford isn't gonna be eaten by wolves!

Voice of Producer: Taft was.

Tom Brokaw: Really? Taft?

Voice of Producer: Uh.. yeah.

Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. [ graphic of Ford surrounded by a pair of wolves ] "Tragedy today, as former President Gerald Ford was eaten by wolves. He was delicious." Now.. now, that's just superfluous, you know?

Voice of Producer: It's a former President, Tom. What do you say - he's not delicious?

Tom Brokaw: Alright, fine.. what's next?

Voice of Producer: The double story.

Tom Brokaw: Alright. [ graphic of Ford and map of France ] "A fireball destroyed France today, and Gerald Ford is dead." Now, what are the odds of that?

Voice of Producer: Fine. We'll get Stone Phillips to do it. You know, I'm sure Stone Phillips would be thrilled to break a story like that!

Tom Brokaw: Alright. Let's keep moving.. [ graphic of Ford and the corpse of Richard Nixon ] "Stunning news from Yorba Linda today, as Richard Nixon's corpse climbed out of his grave and strangled Gerald For to death."

Voice of Producer: Excellent.

Tom Brokaw: Alright. [ graphic of Ford and circus lion ] "Gerald Ford was mauled senselessly by a circus lion in a convenience store."

Voice of Producer: Good. Next.

Tom Brokaw: Alright. "Gerald Ford is dead today, and I'm gay." Now, wait a minute!

Voice of Producer: What? That'd be a huge story - Ford dying, and you coming out!

Tom Brokaw: But I'm not gay!

Voice of Producer: Today you're not gay, you know.. but then one day you wake up, you like men, and Gerald Ford dies, and we're screwed. Everyone's hearing about it from Dan Rather!

Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. what's this for?

[ graphic of Gerald Ford and the Zimbabwee flag appears ]

Voice of Producer: Alright, this one's for if we're invaded by Zimbabwee.

Tom Brokaw: Would I still be the anchor if Zimbabwee invaded us?

Voice of Producer: Yeah.. if you break the Gerald Ford story, you will..

Tom Brokaw: Alright. "Hola bambe, hungala dimba Gerald Ford.. *click* *click* *click* *click* ..hola bambe, allah bumba bubba hulla humba hey."

Voice of Producer: Very nice. Very nice. A little sadder, please.

Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. [ sadly ] "Hola bambe, hungala dimba Gerald Ford.. *click* *click* ..hola bambe.." 

[ fade ] 

achillesx's picture

Exactly three years ago, I started with my current company and was flying weekly to NY to do some work for a company located in Gardiner. I wish I had known about this whiskey when I was there! 

Tremendous read, as usual, Ramzy!

+1 HS
OSUMyke's picture

I am not criticizing this article except for the stuff about Biggie Smalls, I am in morning for education system these people on tweeter have been through. No one has ever told them Juicy was released in 1995 and in 1993 The world trade was attacked by a bomb placed by the front door. So you can see that "Blow up like the World Trade" is a reference to the attempt in 1993 which happend 2 years before the song came out. I guess we need to update the history books again.

Mike Cutlip

+1 HS
Ramzy Nasrallah's picture

I am not criticizing this article except for the stuff about Biggie Smalls, [comma splice - use a semi-colon here] I am in morning [mourning] for [our? the? US?] education system these people on tweeter [Twitter] have been through. No one has ever told them Juicy was released in 1995 [1994 - it's in the article] and in 1993 The wWorld tTrade was attacked by [terrorists using] a bomb placed by the front door [below the North Tower on the B-2 level - linked in the article]. So you can see that "Blow up like the World Trade" is a reference to the attempt in 1993 which happend [happened] 2 years before the song came out. I guess we need to update the history books again.

Just an old Big Ten student newspaper copy editor trying to help you out.

Also, read the paragraph riiiiiight after the uneducated tweeter people part. The good news here is you're correct.

OSUMyke's picture

Well thank you sir for the corrections. did not know we were submitting essay's for grades here.

Mike Cutlip

Blackbeards Delight's picture

Now just imagine some of those Buckeye Babes in Yoga pants. I can't, had a late lunch. 
As far as Bourbon is concerned it's almost warm enough for me to consider tainting mother earths milk with another liquor or even ice. The old fashioned is nice but if I don't want to F around with sugar cubes and muddling I mix up a Stiletto
2 oz bourbon/whiskey
1/2 oz amaretto
1/2 lemon juice
1 teaspoon lime juice 
I skip the lemon and lime juice for total alcoholic enjoyment and call it an Ugg boot 

Crunchy Peanut Butter Bitches.

- Me

 

+1 HS
johnarmitage's picture

MMMMM....yoga paaaants,

Earle's picture

I remain convinced that if it hadn't been for the 1980's, the ozone layer would still be completely intact.

Italics are for emphasis.

+6 HS
BierStube's picture

She has no idea what you are talking about ... like totally!

"No matter where you go, there you are." B. Banzai

+1 HS
johnarmitage's picture

One big fire hazard it was

BucksfanXC's picture

I now have plans for Labor Day and have to call my OSU grad best friend and tell him he does too.

“Any time you give a man something he doesn't earn, you cheapen him. Our kids earn what they get, and that includes respect.”  - Woody

+1 HS
@OSUDefender's picture

I was thinking of decorating an area of my bar with some Hudson Bay bottles... then I remembered that nobody puts Baby in the corner.

+3 HS
NitroBuck's picture

then I remembered that nobody puts Baby in the corner.

I see what you did there...Johnny Castle.  

Ferio, tego

BuckeyeChief's picture

@Ramzy,

it is 1232 AM where I am at...I am out to sea with a head cold and can't sleep, no nyquil in site and I just hit the 18 year mark in the Navy...the internet here sucks and I came across this, and I was like "WTF???" so I had to log in...boy am I glad I read the whole thing before commenting...I will never doubt you again.

 

"Clutch has no boundaries"

+3 HS
NitroBuck's picture

Thank you for serving, Chief.

Ferio, tego

+1 HS
nm_buck's picture

thanks x2... Chief

BuckeyeChief's picture

No, thank you all for the support.

 

"Clutch has no boundaries"

NitroBuck's picture

If you forget about the 1993 WTC bombing ever happening - because all of these people obviously have - it is a fascinating question: How did Biggie know? How?

Great work as usual, Ramzy.  Thanks for a good laugh.

Ferio, tego

BassDropper's picture

I used to think it was common knowledge that Biggie was talking about the '93 attacks... until my friends (who happen to be arab) tried to convince me that Biggie was in the CIA and was trying to warn the USA about the terrorist attacks. They made some really valid points and has changed the way I view not only the the murder of Agent Christopher Wallace, but the government as well. Bigs death is still unsolved today. I think there is someone or something that is keeping Biggies killers from being caught. The CIA had the perfect opportunity to take care of Biggie, most of the world would think that it was a retaliation from the 2pac killing/east coast-west coast beef, but in reality it was to eliminate a snitch. 

DIRECTIONER

+3 HS
jamesrbrown322's picture

Could he be talking about how world trade itself blew up? You know, nations selling to other nations and moving jobs back and forth? In other words, world trade, not World Trade [Center]?

"I can accept failure, but I cannot accept not trying." - W.W. Hayes