10 Reasons to Hate Michigan

By JL Kirven on November 29, 2019 at 7:25 pm
Jim Harbaugh
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A whole season of hate has led to this. You don't need me to tell you why to hate Michigan, you're a Buckeye fan. It's in your blood. Still enjoy these reasons anyway.

10) Hail to the Victors 

There are rumors of the CIA using specific song as torture by playing it for hours on end. If they wanted to torture a Buckeye fan they could play the UM fight song for just a couple of minutes.

“The Victors” was written and composed by UM student Louis Elbel in 1898. The song plays when the team scores, but they should probably sick to doing i whenever the Wolverines do something positive since the offense has been such a dud.

For the fans making the trip to Ann Arbor, keep some spare ear plugs nearby because you’ll be bound to hear it. 

9) The Big House 

I’m always torn when the Buckeyes play in Ann Arbor. Some of my favorite Buckeye wins over Michigan were made even sweeter because they were won in the Big House. So in that sense, it's a fine place.

I know moments like Anthony Gonzalez’s circus catch in 2005 or Tyvis Powell’s 2-pt conversion interception in 2013 sticks to their crawl more because it was in their beloved stadium. But another thing I remember about those games were how hard they were to watch— figuratively and literally. 

The Big House should be one of the toughest places to play. 107,601 fans screaming loud dressed in the ugliest shade of yellow known to man. And yet, Ohio State lost there just once since 2003. I guess the fans need to shake their car keys a little harder.

8) Shea Patterson

UM has had some pretty forgettable signal callers the past few years. Remember Wilton Speight? John O'Korn? Right, like a local caddy was going to beat the Buckeyes.

Not having a great quarterback was always one of the many excuses Wolverine fans have made to explain their 15-year -ong butt-whuppin, so when former five-star quarterback Shea Patterson said he was coming, those fans thought their savior had arrived

He hasn't proven them correct.

7) Charles Woodson

I loved him in the NFL and love him as an analysis. But you played for that team up north so you make the list, Chuck.

Woodson who played for the Wolverines from 1995-1997 and tormented Ohio State during his time there. As a freshman, his two interceptions played a big role in an upset win over the No. 2 ranked Buckeyes and during his junior season he tore it up and won the Heisman.

The Wolverines haven’t had a player as dynamic as Woodson since. Just Great Value Charles Woodson in Jabrill Peppers.

6) Tom Brady

There’s no way anyone in Ann Arbor thought that Tom Brady would become the six-time Super Bowl winner he is today, so don’t believe that crap you hear today.

Brady was a two-year starter for the Wolverines and isn’t even their best quarterback. He ranks third in attempts, fourth in yards and fifth in touchdowns.

Also, what does it say that the guy who went on to become the greatest NFL quarterback of all time was mediocre at best the entire time he was at Michigan? Nothing good for their player development.

5) Bo Schembechler and the 10-year war 

This is the point of the piece where Michigan deserves some credit.

These 10 years were the most important in the rivalry. Some of rivalry’s best stories come from the decade of Bo vs Woody. It was during this span Woody coined the term “that team up north”. It was also when the two teams were consistently amongst the best teams in the nation. From 1970-1975 both teams were ranked in the top five for each meeting. During the 10-year war Ohio State and Michigan shared the Big Ten title six times.

Unfortunately for Ohio State it lost the war as Schembechler beat his former mentor Woody 5-4-1. But let's not pretend that makes Schembechler a better coach overall. Woody won five national titles, Bo won zero (but he did have five pairs of Gold Pants!)

4) Jim Harbaugh 

Since the days of Bo vs Woody, the rivalry has craved a coaching rivalry of the same magnitude to get “The Game” some more gusto.

Lloyd Carr dominated John Cooper, but then Jim Tressel returned the favor to Carr. After Carr retired Michigan went through a coaches like cookie samples. First it was Rich Rodriguez, then it was Brady Hoke, finally the Wolverines thought they found their man in Jim Harbaugh.

It should be noted that not everyone can coach in this rivalry. You have to have a sort of bond to it. Harbaugh, a former Wolverine quarterback has used that to duped an entire fanbase. Harbaugh’s 0-4 against the Buckeyes, but at least he’s a Michigan man, right?

If the Wolverines want this guy to coach their team for the next few decades you won’t hear a complaint from the Buckeye fanbase. 

3) Desmond Howard 

The most annoying image in the 122-year history of “The Game” is Desmond Howard  imitating the Heisman pose (incorrectly) against the Buckeyes in 1993. Howard was another problem for the Buckeyes during his time in Ann Arbor.

He’s also a problem on TV.

Obviously biased against Michigan, the Wolverine turned ESPN analyst actually had the nerve to say Michigan had a better team this year than the Buckeyes.

Now obviously this rivalry is full of upsets, but to say the Wolverines have the better team is such ludicrous, nothing Howard says for the rest of the year should be taken seriously.

He also said Ohio State hadn’t played a good team all season. What’s that mean for the Wolverines, considering the Buckeyes beat Penn State and wiped the floor with Wisconsin, two teams that handled Michigan earlier in the season?

Get him off my TV.

2) The All-Time Record 

Get in an argument this weekend with a Wolverine fan and set a timer for how long it takes for them to bring up he all-time record. You won't make it 30 seconds.

Yes it’s true, decades before the facemask, back when the forward pass was considered a trick play, Michigan had Ohio State’s number. The Wolverines used to beat the Buckeyes like they stole something. Ohio State didn’t score a point against the Wolverines until the sixth meeting and didn’t win a contest until the 16th meeting. Ohio State has tried to climb out of that hole ever since.

That makes it all the more hilarious that Ohio State has climbed almost all the way back. Heading into Saturday, Michigan leads the series 58-50-6. Ohio State is in the midst of its longest winning streak against the Wolverines and if Ryan Day can continue the dominance, Ohio State will finally claim the only bragging right the Wolverines have in the series. 

1) Maize and Blue 

That color combination immediately triggers a deep hate.

Ohio State is the “Scarlet and Gray”, they’re the “Maize and Blue.” At noon on the last Saturday, in November those colors mesh to create the greatest image in sports. There’s nothing better than seeing a blue helmet with maize wing dropped in defeat.

I hate when Ohio State wears alternates in “The Game,” because the tradition in those uniforms give the rivalry a history that is one large book with hundreds of well-written chapters and developed characters.

Both schools have carried their respective looks for generations and while players will shift in and out, the colors and those uniforms should never change.

Ann Arbor or Columbus, ranked or unranked, the Scarlet and Gray hates the Maize and Blue and that will never, ever change.

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