Marionaire Christmas Skull Session: Ranking Michigan Program Covers, National Recruiting Changing the Rivalry, and Tickets Up 140% From 2015

By D.J. Byrnes on November 23, 2016 at 4:59 am
Warren G. Harding delivers the November 23rd 2016 Marionaire Christmas Skull Session.
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Folks, the rumors are true: It's Marionaire Christmas, which means the boys are back in town.

Some people sear association of their hometowns from their brains when they graduate high school. Not me, baby, I have the number to Hot Rod's Taxi and I'm willing to roll the dice.

Marionaires stationed all over the world answer the siren call of this holy day, which President Harding, as pictured above, federally ordained in 1921.

Like Christmas morning, you never know what you're going to get.

One Marionaire might've lied on their résumé before landing a Fortune 500 middle management job. Another might be dodging fraud charges in New York. They could both be doing tequila shots with a current FBI agent.

It's not all fun and games, though. You have to stay frosty. One of my brother's friends woke up in Marion General on Thanksgiving morning missing a tooth. His attackers were described as "recent parolees with tattoos." Good luck finding those needles in a needle stack.

So let the games begin, except the drinking and driving one. It's not worth spending Thanksgiving morning locked in the clink.

 WE'RE TALKING PROGRAMS. Other people look at art from 20th-century Netherlands or Italy. I'm a humbler man. 

From the eclectic Ohio State Archives Flickr album of old football programs, here are the top five Michigan program covers from the years.

No. 5 — Nov. 21, 1936

BAD DOG

Trash young Millennials might look at this and say, "Cute children's drawing." But it's a sketch from iconic Columbus cartoonist James Thurber

No. 18 Ohio State ran away like a bad dog from a bad Michigan team that day, 21-0.

No. 4 — Nov. 22, 1958

#BeatMichigan

Twenty-two years and a day later, and the price on a program only went up 10 cents! Times have changed, as evidenced by the south end zone stands that didn't yet exist in 1958.

No. 11 Ohio State dumped Michigan later that day, 20-14.

No. 3 — Nov. 9, 1901

#BeatMichigan

I like this one because it looks like The Game will be played between two beefy dwarven women. Honestly, I would watch it all the same.

Unfortunately, the Wolverines topped Ohio State, but that wasn't the worst blemish on the record. Oberlin beat the Buckeyes, 6-0, in Oberlin.

No. 2 — nov. 30, 1918

World War I Game Cover

Playing Michigan and bayonetting Europeans: Basically the same thing.

Thankfully World War I went differently than The Game in 1918. Michigan won, 21-0, completing its 5-0 season.

NO. 1 — NOV. 20, 1976

DA GAWD

The mother pearl of Ohio State football programs. I want to get it tattooed on my back. Ohio State should run an honorary cover upon Urban Meyer's retirement with all his trophies and that exact suit.

 AS LONG AS THEY CAN BEAT MICHIGAN. Meyer expanded national recruiting upon arriving in Columbus. Jim Harbaugh followed suit shortly thereafter as the two programs widened their net in attempts to bring in the best possible athletes.

As a result, it's led to fewer Ohioans and Michiganders in The Game.

From cbssports.com:

On Saturday, Ohio State's quarterback from Texas ( J.T. Barrett ) will throw to receivers from New York ( Curtis Samuel ), Texas ( Dontre Wilson ), Arkansas ( K.J. Hill) and New Jersey ( Noah Brown ). Michigan will defend with a versatile future NFLplayer from New Jersey ( Jabrill Peppers ) and a cornerback from North Carolina (Channing Stribling ). The Wolverines' injured quarterback from Virginia ( Wilton Speight ) may sit again, leaving the task to a backup out of Pennsylvania who transferred from the University of Houston ( John O'Korn ).

The national reach of Meyer and Harbaugh coupled with the growth of college football and the Midwest's changing demographics has raised an unusual question. Is this the last Ohio State-Michigan game in which the majority of players are from Ohio or Michigan?

Fifty-one percent of the 2016 Ohio State and Michigan players are from those states, down from 61 percent in 2006, according to an analysis by CBS Sports. Thirty years ago, when Harbaugh (born in Ohio, partially raised in Michigan) famously delivered on his guarantee to beat the Buckeyes, 69 percent of The Game's players came from those states.

Urban can recruit Estonians as long as they can whip Michigan. People can't choose where they're born, and anyone talented enough to earn an offer from Meyer is okay in my book.

Yes, this means three-star beasts and others slip out of Ohio. Until they start winning trophies for other programs, I'm not tripping about it.

 TICKET PRICES UP. Michigan fans thought they were back last year, and Ohio State turned their smile right side down. Ticket prices for this year's top-five banger are through the roof, though.

From tickpick.com:

Secondary ticket marketplace, TickPick, just released its updated data on Saturday's Ohio State-Michigan showdown, and tickets currently have an average price of $685.44.

TickPick has been analyzing game prices since 2013, and tickets to this year’s game are 140% higher than last year's in Ann Arbor. Prices are 315% higher from 2014's matchup in Columbus. While ticket demand remains tremendously high for this matchup, tickets for this game are going for only $5 more than they were back on September 1st. Tickets peaked on Halloween, when the game had an average listing price of $813.68, before started to decline.

If you have that money and you're on the fence, go. Especially if you've never attended a Michigan game in the Shoe. No better sports event.

 WOODY AND BO PARLEY. Bowling Green legend Doyt Perry coached with Michigan legend Bo Schembechler under Ohio State legend Woody Hayes in Columbus.

Years later, Perry organized a parley in his Bowling Green home between the old friends and rivals.

Via @SlickSickle:

"If you try to score points, you'll lose by 40!"
— Classic Woody Hayes

And something to keep in mind Saturday when the local team's offense isn't bombing it down the field every play.

 SURPRISE SURPRISE! Reigning world and Olympic champion Kyle Snyder wrestled in Ohio State's opener at Arizona State and after thoroughly dominating Tanner Hall, the fourth-ranked wrestler in Snyder's weight class, he was promptly named Big Ten Wrestler of the Week.

Snyder thumped Hall, 20-8, helping the Buckeyes to a 27-15 dual meet victory over the Sun Devils and earned the second B1G Wrestler of the Week honor of his career.

The fact that college wrestlers have to square off against Snyder is hilarious. We'll just sit back and enjoy the beatings.

 MAKES YOU THINK. Will Muschamp seems like a fun boss that would command respect from young, amateur athletes:

Not feeling confident about South Carolina's chances against Clemson.

 THOSE WMDs. Before building public parking garages... Even your headphones can spy on you... Failing the smell test... Born into Japanese legal limbo... Rory Gilmore: not a good journalist.

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