Game Day Skull Session: Get Dumped Then, Rutgers

By D.J. Byrnes on October 1, 2016 at 4:59 am
Get Dumped Then, Rutgers!!!!!!
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Fucking Rutgers.

What more can be said, really, about the academic bastion of a state that doesn't trust its residents to pump their own gas? 

You know how people claim to live in Chicago, but the actually live an hour away in some sterilized suburb nobody's ever heard of? That's how the entire state of New Jersey acts about living in New York.

Outside of Noah Brown, Darius Slade and Jordan Fuller, the only other redeemable character in Jersey is this fella, who I assume is their khan: 

The only intrigue about today's game is if Rutgers brought its goony cannon guard and if it's going to make it go boom when the Scarlet Knights cobble together one of their two field goals.

As for the slate, it's an improvement on last week's in the sense a Paul Chryst-coached team is only involved in the second-best game of the day.

10/1 SLATE
TIME (ET) GAME FAVORITE TELEVISION
12:00 No. 13 BAYLOR at IOWA STATE BU (-17) FS1
12:00 No. 23 FLORIDA at VANDERBILT UF (-8½ SECN
12:00 No. 22 TEXAS at OKLAHOMA STATE OSU (-3) ABC
12:00 No. 14 MIAMI (FL) at GEORGIA TECH UM (-7½) ESPN2
3:30 No. 11 TENNESSEE at No. 25 GEORGIA UT (-3½) CBS
3:30 NORTH CAROLINA at No. 12 FLORIDA STATE FSU (-11) ESPN
3:30 No. 8 WISCONSIN at No. 4 MICHIGAN UM (-10½) ABC
3:30 ILLINOIS at No. 13 NEBRASKA NEB (-21) ESPN2
4:00 No. 9 TEXAS A&M at SOUTH CAROLINA A&M (-18) SECN
5:00 OKLAHOMA at No. 21 TEXAS CHRISTIAN OU (-3½) FOX
6:00 No. 18 UTAH at CALIFORNIA CAL (-2) PAC12
7:00 MEMPHIS at No. 17 MISSISSIPPI MISS (-14½) ESPN2
7:00 KENTUCKY at No. 1 ALABAMA BAMA (-35½) ESPN
8:00 No. 3 LOUISVILLE at No. 5 CLEMSON UL (-2) ABC
10:15 UTAH STATE at No. 24 BOISE STATE BSU (-21½) ESPN2

Michigan is smacking Wisconsin, but I'd love to be wrong. Either way, we'll get some answers about that run game because I refuse to believe you can ride the arm of statue named Wilton to a national title. 

Give me Louisville down in Death Valley, too.

The Cardinals have a Marionaire on their roster, and Clemson looks a lot like 2015 Ohio State right now. Fortunately for the Tigers, early October losses don't mean as much as late November ones.

Also, I decided I want the Wolverines at 11-0 when their caravan of Big Wheels rolls into Columbus. I want to see their fans' eyes bulge as the dopamine rushes through their cortex as they look upon a possibility of Michigan truly "being back."

And then I want the local team to kick them in the sternum and send them tumbling back down into the abyss, with only the insane ramblings of Jim Harbaugh to keep them company.

That would be more satisfying than flaying Rich Rodriguez or scrapping in an Applebees parking lot with a six-loss Brady Hoke, who fought with the ferocity of a man riding a 72-hour PCP bender.

 THE SCARLET KNIGHT FILE. Here's everything you need to know about today's sorry ass opponent:

Make sure to follow @EricSeger33, @TimShoemaker, and @11W for up-to-the-minute updates via Twitter. And follow @Edge11W, who designed the baller header graphic you see above.

 #PERTINENTWIRE. Give Rutgers credit; at least it's not rolling Kyle Flood against Urban Meyer this year. I haven't seen a mismatch like that since Urban Meyer vs. Jim Harbaugh in 2015.

Eternal props to Chris Ash, but this is business. Everybody here knows the drill, from the dipshit on the couch to Rutgers' locker room. Just hand over the cash and the dope and nobody gets hurt.

PROPHECY: 52-13, local team.

 THOSE WMDs. Massive cuts remade The Denver Post... Two stolen Van Goghs recovered by anti-mafia police... A 1906 profile of the world's only billionaire... How to tell if you're a jerk... Al Capone in Alcatraz... Video: Can't wait for my shitty grandson to make music while I die.

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