It's Monday, and frankly, it's OK to be salty.
Ohio State, one of the nation's four best teams, will be watching the playoffs from the same place as you and me. That's a travesty, and the only remedy is a 24-team playoff. (If it means sacrificing regular season games against the likes of Hawai'i, Tulsa or UNLV, then so be it.)
Still, the rules of the game and the perils of November were always known. Michigan State came into Ohio Stadium, deployed a hodgepodge of backup QB wildcards and walked out with Buck-I-Guy's Buck-I-Guy doll.
Yes, I'm saltier about that loss now than I was watching an Ohioan kicker air guitar windmill his way out of the Shoe. And after Treon Harris' ineptitude and incompetent ACC refs snuffed Ohio State's championship aspirations, Undefeated Iowa couldn't even do a damn thing. Sparty's 22-play drive was like watching an extrajudicial prison execution in slow motion.
The Big Ten Coach of the Year was naturally without an answer. Then we gave the Hawkeyes an "awe, shucks" pat on the back about their once-in-a-generation Rose Bowl berth, as if the Rose Bowl is still actually the Rose Bowl.
But whatever. Iowa fans are welcome to make the hajj to Pasadena, poison themselves with Coors/Bud Light, and watch their team play two-loss Stanford. It may never be this good for them again.
As for Ohio State, well, there are two silver linings to not making the playoffs.
One is losses make better grindstones:
The second is Ohio State drew Notre Dame in the Battletoads Fiesta Bowl.
For me, the Irish perpetually rate near the top of my Dumpability Index. I once accompanied a person on an official tour of Notre Dame; that place is a fake-ass Hogwarts. I'm 29 and honestly don't remember the Irish ever being elite—my lasting image is Brady Quinn getting split in half by A.J. Hawk—and yet people talk about them like they're a 21st century blueblood. Truly makes you think.
Of course that's all before mentioning their fans ("My dad bought me a hat!"), their raisin of a coach, or Rudy (film or human being).
Perhaps I should be thankful Notre Dame's inflated #brand. As far as exhibitions in warm climates go, it could be much worse. At the end of the day, I refuse to be disappointed in a season that ends with a caning of Michigan and Notre Dame.
BOOMER SOONER, I GUESS? Some folks turn into one of those "conference fans" when this time of the season rolls around. Not me.
Undefeated Iowa would've been an exception. I enjoyed Undefeated Iowa's time, short as it was.
Michigan State is a program built on some ancient grudge, so I'm not about to intervene in the tar and feathering of Connor Cook. I think I heard Mark Dantonio cackle like The Riddler when his team's nine-point underdog status was announced. I'll cheer for Michigan State to smash Alabama—but you can't expect me to cheer for a team that broke into my house, stole my wealth and fenced it for 30 cents on a dollar.
Some Ohio State fans may rally to Clemson's banner, but that'd be what we in the biz call a "false flag." Some folks like Dabo Swinney, but he's corny to me, the man who owns a couch and a laptop. Plus, Charlie Baumann's ancestors killed Woody Hayes' ancestors in the Civil War. Woody isn't around to carry that grudge, so I gladly do so in his honor.
There's only one team worthy of Ohio State's bandwagon support, and that's the Oklahoma Sooners. Haters, buffoons, and miscreants can say what they want about Youngstown, but I respect it. And anybody who rises out of that forge is a certified boss.
On top of Bob Stoop's Ohio roots, there's the fact Ohio State plays Oklahoma Week 3 of 2016. Dumping the defending champions on national television would be a great calling card for a new-look Ohio State team.
THEY SWOOPED ASH. Urban Meyer prefers to work with assistants with head coach ambitions. The upside is this helps ensure Urban employs the brightest minds in the field; the downside is lesser programs want to sip Ohio State's championship elixir.
Give Rutgers credit. It got drunk and puked at the company luncheon, but at least it's trying to rectify its decadent lifestyle.
From nj.com:
He's definitely ready. He came to Ohio State to work under Urban Meyer to prepare himself to be a head coach and said so right after he was hired after the 2013 season.
"I want a chance to be a head coach," Ash said then. "Coach Meyer has been very successful. I've learned from a lot of really good coaches. I think I'm going to have an opportunity to learn under another top coach in this profession who will help me evolve and grow as a coach to help me be better suited for an opportunity down the road."
He interviewed for Colorado State last year, but there was no surprise he was more involved this offseason. With his Iowa roots I thought he'd be in the mix for Iowa State, but he clearly was shooting higher than that.
(Penn State may have the worst coach in the division. Life truly comes at you fast.)
Props to Chris Ash for sticking around to coach a non-playoff bowl game. Some folks would've tipped their cap as they walked out the door en route to the bank to cash that new check.
I speak for all Buckeye fans when I raise my Loko chalice and say, "May Chris Ash build Rutgers into a respectably feisty divisional foe that knows its place on the totem pole."
MORE JUNIOR EXITS ON HORIZON? Here's what we know: Ohio State is losing a lot of talent this year. Juniors Cardale Jones and Ezekiel Elliott already said they won't be back. Joey Bosa and Michael Thomas are all but officially out the door.
But there are other names reportedly weighing a jump to the pros.
Three names I'm hearing considering leaving Ohio State #Buckeyes early: - Vonn Bell - Eli Apple - Jalin Marshall
— Matt Miller (@nfldraftscout) December 6, 2015
Some people say things like, "[Ohio State Player X] needs another year of development," but they're usually the same people who would quit their job tomorrow for a $10,000 raise and a fair benefits package.
Football is a brutal sport with a short window of profitability. It'd be hard for me to look a guy with a midround draft grade and say, "You should take this stipend, actually" when ACLs are destructible.
I tabbed Vonn for an early exit; Eli and Jalin would surprise me, but I wouldn't fault them. They're NFL-caliber athletes and it's smart business to start the clock to that second contract as soon as possible. Cornerbacks and dynamic athletes are in high demand in the NFL; they should definitely take the money if the decision is even a question to them.
THOSE WMDs. On tour with bigfoot hunter/con man Rick Dyer... Soap bubbles floating on sulphur hexafluoride... 1920s Harlem ruled by woman gangster who taunted enemies in the press... This is my life; somebody can learn from it... HIV-positive doctor says dog saved his life.
