(note – one day late, damn gainful employment!)

How to prepare your lady a proper Valentine’s Day meal-

This week will be all about how to properly feed that special lady in your life on Valentine’s Day. She puts up with all of your crap, so you owe it to her to get yourself in the kitchen and make her something nice, and what food says ‘love’ better than a big ol’ pot of hot melted cheese: fondue.

First, go shopping. The recipe below calls for gouda, which is more readily available than emmentaler and gruyere, which are the traditional fondue cheeses:

• 1 cup dry white wine
• 1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
• 12 ounces gouda, shredded
• 4 ounces aged gouda, shredded
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch
• 1 pinch nutmeg
• 1 pinch cayenne pepper

Combine wine and lemon juice in a small pot over medium heat. Toss together both cheeses and cornstarch in a large bowl. When the wine comes to a boil, slowly add the cheese and cornstarch mixture, whisking continuously until smooth. Season with nutmeg and cayenne. Transfer to fondue pot and serve.

The alcohol will cook out (for the teetotalers) and make sure you don’t use anything labeled as ‘cooking wine’. Even the cheapest bottle of Charles Shaw Sauvignon Blanc will be MUCH better than cooking wine. Also make sure you trim the rind from the gouda before shredding it. It won’t melt with the rest of the cheese. Shredding the cheese is also important, if the chunks of cheese are too big they’ll take forever to melt and your fondue will be all boffed up. Also make sure the fondue pot is well-heated before adding the cooked fondue to it.

Cut up a French baguette (or your favorite crusty bread) into one inch cubes for dipping. Various cooked veggies or raw sliced apples or pears are also good.

Now, for the beverage pick up a bottle of Rosa Regale. It’s a foofy sparkling red that’s pretty much Valentine’s Day in a bottle. Pop it open well before dinner is served, so even if you mess up the fondue your lady will be half in the bag so she won’t care.

Finally, for desert get her some chocolate covered strawberries. The fresh ones don’t keep for long so she’ll probably want you to eat them as well so they don’t go to waste (bonus!) and they’re a hell of a lot tastier than the Whitman’s Sampler you were probably going to buy her at CVS.

Put on a collared shirt with no stains and keep a lid on your bodily functions during the meal. Act like you did when you first started dating and you were trying to impress her, she’ll probably appreciate it. Turn your cell phone off and put it away. Turn on your favorite lovey station on Pandora.

And do the dishes afterwards. Happy wife (lady friend) = happy life.

Doing this will be more appreciated than half-wilted grocery store flowers.

TL;DR – don’t cut corners on your lady, read it.