Good Riddance to the Horrible E. Gordon Gee

By DJ Byrnes on June 5, 2013 at 10:20a

On July 1st, 2013, Ohio State will finally rid itself of the greatest monster of the 21st century, the man Dave Zirin called "the dark heart of higher education" on national television: Elwood Gordon Gee. Good riddance, I say. Every day since word of the off-the-record comments were heroically leaked to the press during the doldrums of summer (thus maximizing its impact), I have awoken in the morning and immediately asked myself, "When will the Ohio State trustees alleviate this headache?"

Up until yesterday afternoon, my prayers had been ignored. 

Gordon Gee's most appalling crime was this hat.President Obama had a 9-11 mastermind right under his nose.

With Gordon Gee on the outs, buddy, let's just say I haven't been this jacked up since the United States got the drop on Osama bin Laden, sent a squad of trained goons into his house, vacated his skull and entombed that SOB's corpse in an unmarked grave at the bottom of the sea.

Does Gordon Gee deserve the same fate as Osama bin Laden? When I stand back and objectively look at the criticism laid at the feet of Ohio State's disgraced leader, it's a question which no longer seems ludicrous as it once did.

Ohio State fans may be inclined to write this abyssal chorus of naysayers off as "internet haterz," but they would be going against such sages as Rick Pitino, Pat Forde and Matt Hayes. I'm sure even Thomas Jefferson, who knew a thing or two about unchecked tyranny, would quake in his knickers at the prospect of a cage match against the aforementioned triumvirate of American intellectual muscle. 

When I first read the disgusting, dehumanizing comments Gordon Gee made against Catholics, I wondered who was going to stand up against this monstrous bully. It sure as Hell wasn't going to be the completely underfunded, not-for-profit Catholic Church. "Who will come to the aid of a voiceless organization like the Catholic Church against the bigoted President of an institution that made a Catholic the highest-paid state employee?" I asked my almighty God as I clutched my Rosaries while attempting to sleep at night.

On June 1st, the clouds parted, and from the sky, clad in gold armor and on a chariot of fire, rode Rick Pitino to answer my prayers. This upstanding Man of God socked Gee right in his smirking kisser, calling Gee a "pompous ass" and saying he was "really boiled" by the remarks. When Gee later apologized, Pitino questioned the sincerity of the apology and said "the board made him do it." Jesus would be so proud!

People say God works in mysterious ways, and what is more mysterious than sending a sociopathic serial adulterer who paid for his mistress' abortions to the defense of the Catholic Church? Part of me thinks Pitino's actions may have been more damaging to the Louisville/Catholic brands than Gee's flippant remarks, but I am not God, and unlike Rick Pitino, I would never claim to speak for Him. 

Please click the link below. Tommy Craggs absolutely destroys Forde, and it's hilarious.Pat Forde is an authority on laughingstocks.

Speaking of products of Pitino's sexual trysts, words can't express how jazzed I was to hear Pat freakin' Forde dropped the definitive hot take on Gordon Gee's shambolic retirement. I knew the voice of his generation wouldn't take these slights sitting down! Fightin' Forde starts his article off with a dynamite five(!) one-sentence paragraphs. He pulls no punches, however, and openly speculates Notre Dame is laughing at the demise of E. Gordon Gee, another act which would be very Christlike.

Notre Dame, one may recall, is the same institution that killed a student during a windy football practice in November of 2010. It's also a program that covered-up sexual assaults perpetrated by football players. One victim committed suicide and the other was too scared of retribution to testify against her attackers! Don't worry, though, because everyone involved is still employed! (Except the student videographer and the one victim of a sexual assault, those people are still dead and Notre Dame still plays football unmolested by the NCAA.)

Is this any concern to Forde? Hell no, because when you have two-ton brass boulders masquerading as testicles like Pat Forde, no contextualizing facts are of a concern to your self-righteous agenda. 

In many ways, Gee clearly was a successful university leader. The most obvious was his ability to fundraise, helping transform the Ohio State campus and several others he led. 

Time Magazine named him the nation's best college president in 2010. He certainly is among the nation's most visible.

Did these clear-cut reasons why Ohio State might have made Gee the highest-paid college president in the country stop Pat Forde from using Gee's past off-hand remarks as a vehicle for pushing his opinions against a college sports model where university presidents have too much sway? No, because Pat Forde spits the hot truth ether, no matter how ugly it may be:

And when it came to greedily chasing athletic revenue via corporate raiding of other conferences – to the detriment of the overall stability and health of college sports – many were willing partners with their ego-driven commissioners. Gee's comments to the Athletics Council championing a "predatory" approach to Big Ten expansion illustrate fully where he stood on that issue.

There's so much ownage in this quote I won't be surprised if Gordon Gee is forced to retire again later today. How dare Gordon Gee champion a "predatory" approach to Big Ten expansion! How dare he try to proactively navigate the seas of billions of dollars in network TV telecast money! How dare the president of a conference's flagship university advocate something benefiting the conference to which that university belongs! Why doesn't he advocate a passive approach to Big Ten expansion? That way the SEC and their cohorts can pick apart the B1G's corpse a few years down the road!

To what depths do the horrors of the Gee administration delve? Matt Hayes, Senior Writer at one of America's premiere investigational outlets, Sporting News, answered this question with the completely logical opinion Ohio State is "the most blindly loyal and recklessly protective culture in college sports." Move over, Jerry Sandusky, there's a new Sheriff in town!

Bert Beliema letting his breasts hang free after a long day at the office.Another classy critic of Gee's.
It was only a joke. It was just a lie. It was only a gold pants trinket.

The world is too sensitive, you know. Like no one has ever lied at their job. Like players shouldn’t be able to sell something given to them by the university.

And on and on and on.

Until, that is, someone in the most blindly loyal, recklessly protective culture of any college campus in America decides enough is enough. Then they just cut you loose and let you bleed.

Who amongst us can't remember what a blackeye it was for Ohio State when E. Gordon Gee delivered an impassioned defense of Terrelle Pryor's intrinsic right to sell memorabilia given to him by the university? I was on a 72-hour bender like Matt Hayes when this quote dropped. I'm not even sure if it totally happened, but the Hague should check it out because it sounds like Gordon Gee may have committed a war crime.

Also, is there any way we could get an identity on this "someone" who cut Gee loose to merely watch him bleed out? I would hate to see Ohio State go the route of many developing countries by replacing one bloodthirsty autocrat with another, and if this "someone" can pull strings on Gee like that, are we sure we've even begun to unravel the enormity of Ohio State's crimes?

Gee has been offending people and embarrassing the university for years. His latest insults of Notre Dame, Catholics, Louisville, Kentucky, the SEC, Bret Bielema—have I missed anyone?—finally did him in. Prior to that, he was the weird uncle who raised a ton of money, so the university put up with him.

Tressel had become so beloved and so successful at Ohio State, he was as untouchable as Woody Hayes. That’s right, the same Woody Hayes who wasn’t fired—despite legendary antics—until he was caught punching a player on national television.

Get 'em, Hayes! Of course, Jim Tressel, a man who was unceremoniously fired was as untouchable as Woody Hayes, another man who was unceremoniously fired and "caught" slugging a Clemson player on national television. What shining examples of unchecked power run rampant in college sports: two dudes who were fired for their misdeeds! 

I feel like this piece is heading to its thunderous conclusion.

Go ahead and make fun of the guy who killed trees in Alabama. Or the Tennessee fans who named their kids Peyton.

No one does crazy like Ohio State.

More than 16 months ago, Ohio State welcomed new coach Urban Meyer with open arms, despite the odd and controversial way he walked away from another mega program. Blind loyalty, all right.

Makes you wonder what Meyer will have to do to eventually get run.

Ohio State fans shouldn't dare make fun of a man who poisoned a grove of trees due to a backwater college football rivalry, no sir; not when their school employs E. Gordon Gee, a man who kills actual people. They also shouldn't make fun of the President of the University of Alabama's defense of racial segregation... because what Gee said was a joke, whereas Robert Witt was speaking from his gentile heart. It's that Southern sincerity us Northerners know nothing about.

I will admit, as an Ohio State fan, I was foolish in welcoming Urban Meyer with open arms. Here I thought Ohio State was getting a young, energetic, charismatic coach with two glistening national title rings. It turns out it was much darker than that. Will Urban have to sacrifice a virgin in the bowels of Ohio Stadium to gain acceptance into the tight-lipped crime family running rampant at Ohio State? Only time will tell.

... However, I digress. When all this criticism of Gordon Gee is added-up, who can't be awestruck by the deep critical thinking required to amass such a sweeping indictment? I forget which lead singer of what bitchin' 80's rock band once said, "let he without sin cast the first stone," but it's pertinent here. After researching the dastardly crime of of Gordon Gee and seeing what luminaries have lined up against his dark sorcery, I have no choice but to volunteer to cast the first stone against him and rid Ohio State of this billion dollar embarrassment. 

I am a simple-minded hypocrite, you see, and I am incapable getting out of the way of my own self-righteousness and preconceived opinions. That's why E. Gordon Gee had to be shown the door.


Comments Show All Comments

AirForceNUT's picture


T-Row Tail's picture

There's no better snark than 11W snark.


BuckeyeVet's picture

This ^^^ times a thousand.  And I've missed ya, DJ.

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."          - Groucho Marx

"The recipient of Oyster's ONLY down vote".

rdubs's picture

Now this is DJ in his element.  This is an amazing article.  And in a sea of amazing articles on this site, this is definitely one of my favorites.


"Notre Dame, one may recall, is the same institution that killed a student during a windy football practice in November of 2010. It's also a program that covered-up of sexual assaults perpetrated by football players. One victim committed suicide and the other too scared of retribution to testify against her attackers! Don't worry, though, because everyone involved is still employed! (Except the student videographer and the one victim of a sexual assault, those people are still dead and Notre Dame still plays football unmolested by the NCAA.)"
I hate the media...


mh277907's picture

Satire at its absolute best. Move over Colbert...


AngelHeartsBuckeyes's picture

I love sarcasm done so well that for a brief moment you think it's real. Bravo!

Unfortunately that applies to this entire situation. I am embarrassed more that Gee is retiring than by his comments. Sad day when someone who has done so much good is measured not by those acts, but by those few mistakes made in between. Where have we seen this before?

Obviously that is merely my Scarlet and Gray colored glasses covering my blind Buckeye eyes.

Buckeye born and bred. Buckeye til I'm dead.

awwwwwwop's picture

This was most excellent.

"Who cares? Go Bucks." - Aaron Untch

LeftCoastBuck's picture

I know this is satire, but a lot of people don't realize how much this guy did for the University.
Gee transformed this university into one of the strongest academic institutions in the country (USNews 55th nationally) and has set the infrastructure to support growth of the sciences at OSU in a way that no one thought possible. As an Alum, Gee recruited me to join several important groups to help the University monetize its intellectual property and by doing so, take a leading position among research universities that do this well such as Stanford, MIT, etc (I went to Grad School at Johns Hopkins and then to Stanford for my MBA...but I am a Buckeye to the core). Gee's vision for the University will ultimately be completed by others, but he set the course.
All of the comments and nonsense from him are nothing more than a sideshow. As a catholic, I wasn't offended by anything he said; there is a grain of truth to any joke.
The students love him, he has done more for the University than anyone...including hiring Urban Meyer. You really don't think that Gene Smith pulled that deal together do you?

"Have a Coke and a smile!.....along with $150 in UM football tickets"

acBuckeye's picture

there is a grain of truth to any joke.

Amen, sir. Our society is so damn PC-conscious now, it's almost reaching the point of insanity. But of course, I'm only joking.
EDIT: But really, I'm not.

yoderdame's picture

This just kept getting better and better as I kept reading. Great stuff, DJ.

TMac's picture

It took me a minute....
Great Job DJ!

ONE Not Done!

oregonianbuckeye's picture

Amazing. Simply, amazing. 

gravey's picture

Gee on stage the anti-Tressel; the anti-politician.  Most university presidents are colorless, measured, boring and unimaginative.  Students don't know them and don't care about them.  They tend to be corporate clones or buttoned-down politicians.  As a result, they are largely over-paid and ineffective.  
I welcome a bit of recklessness in my leaders.  
They create change.  
They tend to go down in flames.
How firm thy friendship indeed!

oregonianbuckeye's picture

This is a really thought provoking and accurate point, @Gravey. Fascinating that Tressel was unique in his temperament and tone as a football coach, and the national media went after him as arrogant. Conversely, as you write, Gee is the anti-politician, which is unique for a university president. As a result, his off-handed comments, to be expected from coaches or others, are seen as a huge deal by the national media. 

southbymidwest's picture

You just described Alutto, the interim president, and former provost/vp and before that, dean of Fisher. An extremely effective administrator, yes, but charcoal is probably his favorite color. 
The thing about Gee is he was able to identify, attract, and keep good management-you have to have to have that just as much as you need a president that can lead and bring in the money. Because he had an able administration, he was able to be freed up to make the big decisions, be the visionary, and promote OSU not only within the university proper, or the state, but in the world.
But how would I know, as I am a blindly loyal scarlet glasses wearing Buckeye.
A pox on the haters.

Sean N's picture

Exactly, or the guy who just retired from Yale (whom I'm too lazy to look up).  One of the very best at what he did and really transformed his university, but he had as much charisma in interviews I've seen as your average toll-booth employee.
Gee was kind of a mascot for the whole university, and I think they were a lot better off for it.

Poison nuts's picture

Thanks DJ. Reading this one I gotta say, really, really, glad you're back.
2 reallys.

"Do not pass me, just slow down - I can move right through you" Superchunk - Precision Auto.

Katzfan's picture

Great article!!

el duderino's picture

Pure gold. The sarcasm dripping from every line of this article was hilarious. Thank you, DJ!

"This is a very complicated case: a lot of ins, lot of outs, lot of what-have-yous."

Donny T's picture

A brilliant, hilarious piece. There were obviously some folks with a lot of time on their hands and just a little bit of information, which resulted in the avalanche of bloviation that is the Gordon Gee story. Add in the need to get online hits, and this is the result -- a complete and utter waste of Internet print. What Mr. Gee said could offend some, but really, apologizing to Bert Bielema? Surprised Mr. Gee didn't opt for suicide instead. I was not really offended by anything he said, not because I'm an Ohio State fan, but because I'm a Notre Dame-hating, ex-Catholic, who realizes the SEC is a scum-sucking vortex of corruption (and oversigning), and that the state of Kentucky is not a hotbed of scholarship. I was highly in favor of Woody, Tressel and Pryor leaving when they did, just like many of our blindly loyal fans. As a former journalist for 25 years, I normally would have been defending my brethren in the press, but this time, you nailed the lazy bastards masquerading as the morality police. I thoroughly enjoyed the folks who populated the sports department where I worked, but geezus, the alcoholic, cocaine-fueled gamblers who made up our sports department were the last folks to be holding others accountable. Same goes for these blowhards.

Jhesse17's picture

I honestly don't understand why the university cares at all what the press thinks. At the end of the day they're going to make taking an extra cookie when mommy isn't looking look like the Holocaust, because it's their job. Everybody would have forgotten all about this by next month. Hell, I even forgot how Notre Dame killed a student and forced another into suicide. That's much worse than telling a bad joke.

Matt Brown's picture

DJ really is a national treasure.

Menexenus's picture

I was going to say this very same thing.

Real fans stay for Carmen.

OSUs12-OH's picture

DJ and I love sarcasm.  Great stuff!  Glad you're back man!

"I want a hungry team. I want a team that can't wait to get out there. I want an angry team! You're the Ohio State Buckeyes. You're an angry football team. You're a hungry football team and I'm proud to be your coach." UFM

jthiel09's picture

I was sad when this ended, satire at it's best.


chitown buckeye's picture

Incredible!! Exactly sums up my thoughts/anger! The sun is shining a little brighter on OSU today now that Gee is out of there!

"I'm having a heart attack!"

theobi's picture

Perfect. Absolutely perfect

DMcDougal24's picture

I love this article.. You just know somebody is going to fail to realize this is sarcasm. 

acBuckeye's picture

DJ..... I normally don't agree with a lot of what you write, but I must say: WELCOME BACK!
This was so well-written, I don't even know where to begin......
Maybe I should start with wondering if Rick Pitino's wife believes all of his apologies were sincere?
Or maybe Matt Hayes..... the guy I want to respect for his football intellect, but can't, b/c he writes stupid sh*t like saying OSU is the equivalent of Al-Qaeda. This makes me compare HIM to the likes of Mark May..... say something disparaging about Ohio State to get the fanbase riled up, all in the name of pageviews.

Tim's picture

Great article.

ShowThemOhiosHere's picture

Dude, this article is the shit.  Seriously.  I had to go home and take like 3 showers to get all of the sarcasm and snark off of me that was just dripping off of this article.  Well done. 

Class of 2010.

bucked up's picture

why would i waste my time watching porn when I can just read this article instead?

LABuckeye's picture

One of the best articles I have read on here.

swingo256's picture

This is one of the best articles I've read on 11w, and that's certainly saying something. Well done DJ.

Hovenaut's picture

Until there is a playoff, DJ has a stranglehold on the op-ed mythical national championship.

All the others are mired in the B (c?) S....

buckskin's picture

VERY well done, you had this hypocrite going for a second.  The BOT should read this and realize how absurd their actions really were.  Maybe Gee should have taken the Bielema road by whining and complaining about a colleague (instead of making a good natured joke) and he wouldn't have been fired.  Wait, hell no, this is Ohio State, not Wisconsin!
We should consider it a compliment that other reporters and now coaches are stepping up to the plate Mark May style.  Success truly has its enemies.

FitzBuck's picture

I never realized how evil Gee was until now.  Thank you for pointing this out to me.  I will stop defending him and compare him to Bin Laden.  
Loved the write up.

Fitzbuck | Toledo - Ohio's right armpit | "A troll by any other name is still a troll".

TWCBUCKEYE's picture

I see what you did there! 
Best article I have read all month, bravo.

"Nothing cleanses your soul like getting the [Mark May] kicked out of you."

Citrus's picture

Waiting for the person to call you an ass and tell you that Gee is great.

carence's picture

DJ, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Brutus's picture

Not sure how someone can read this article and praise DJ for all the snark and sarcasm and then down vote this comment.  Are italics really necessary?
On a side note, this is one of DJ's finest pieces ever. The writing on this site is amazing. It's scary to think that the staff is as good as they are at this and this isn't even their real job. Makes me feel pretty bad about my underachieving self.

buckeyefanatic's picture

Not to mention that the downvoted comment was actually a movie quote, and an awesome one at that.  #humorrecognitionfail

How many batteries does it take to beat Michigan football?   1AA
Want to beat Michigan? There's an App for that.

carence's picture

Thank you Buckeyefanatic! I was quoting the great movie Billy Madison. Still one of my favorite scenes. 
For the record, DJ's piece was awesome! 

ARMYBUCK's picture

An absolute masterpiece, DJ!

nickma71's picture

It's Bush's fault.

4dorr's picture

You forgot to /sarcasm


NW Buckeye's picture

Great job DJ.  The really interesting thing about Petino's comments is that he only took Gee's joke and made it real.  I mean how can you trust someone who espouses his religion and takes offense to a harmless joke, yet goes against the teachings of that religion, has an extramarital affair (albeit short lived), and PAYS for an abortion!  Is he one of the people we are supposed to trust??  What a d-bag.
Keep up the good work.  You (or someone) really should send a copy to Petino!!!!  Then again, he would probably not see the satire in it. 

buckeyepastor's picture

Forde and Hayes have no whiff of a hint of a scent of an inkling of a clue what E. Gordon Gee has done for Ohio State.  Those who would see him as a great fund-raiser who says hurtful things have clearly researched their reoprting on Gee for all of about 40 seconds.    
Thank you, DJ, for pointing out the idiotic over-reach of these dunderheads, not to mention their complete negligence and ignorance in exploring some of the more truly disturbing developments among NCAA coaches and university presidents.   

"Woody would have wanted it that way" 

New alum's picture

After reading Forde's piece, I actually considered for a moment that it may have been an attempt at humor, too.  Does anybody believe that folks in the SEC were really offended?  And, while joking about religion is always dicey, I find it hard to believe that significant numbers of Catholics were offended, either. 

Proud Michigander, OSU grad. Life is complicated.

bukyze's picture

Brilliant article!  I'm sure Ramzy is grinning from ear to ear! 

swank427's picture

Welcome back DJ.

Scott's picture

You know how the saying goes: "He who impregnated his equipment manager's wife, let him throw the first stone."

Class of 2008

dubjayfootball90's picture

Now this... This is golden.

You can feed a bobcat all the chili it wants. That don't mean it's going to crap out diamonds.

RBuck's picture


Long live the southend.

Sean N's picture

This is a little off topic, but since it's mentioned above whatever.   But I still cannot believe that people still get all worked up and try to make us think that Woody Hayes' "fireable offense" was on par with anything that Ariel Castro ever did.  A man in his late sixties pansy-slapped a 20 year old defensive lineman wearing full pads.  My guess is a few worse things have happened in the 34 years since then, but according to people like Matt Hayes, probably not.

longstb's picture

I am normally not one to post comments, but I have to on this article.  


ATT2121's picture

Thank you for this excellent article. If I had a cookie on me I would give it to you.
(if you knew me you would realize that is high praise)


"It all goes so fast, and character makes the difference when it's close."
Jesse Owens

OSU_ALUM_05's picture

"No one does crazy like Ohio State"
Except Jerry Sandusky and company.
And except the Catholic priests involved in the sex abuse scandal. Rick Pitino paying for abortions.
And....except Bobby Petrino's motorcycle.
And...don't forget fake girlfriends and other things (like students being killed/suicide) at Notre Dame.
But we're crazy.  wow.

Yeti's have feelings too.

jeremytwoface's picture

I will echo the thoughts of others here... This is brilliant. Well done sir.

And when we win the game, we'll buy a keg of boooooooooze!! And we'll drink to old Ohio 'till we wobble in our shoes.

ThomasLusk's picture

Well done!!!!

I wish I could go back not to change things but to do it all over again!

burkmon's picture

Oh, how you have been missed!  Welcome (again) back, DJ!


osumastro's picture

This is 2 trill

Denny's picture

nb4r good work


jestertcf's picture

EUREKA!! This is gold.
Also do yourself a favor and mousover Bert.

~Because we couldn't go for three~

Menexenus's picture

DJ, you came back to 11Warriors at just the right time.  This article was perfect in its tone, and right in your wheelhouse.
So glad you're back!

Real fans stay for Carmen.

741's picture

Imagine the irony if Urban actually fired Gee.

tdible2132's picture

My day, has been made.  Thank god too, there is only an hour and a half left in this day.

MN Buckeye's picture

Ahhh. I love a place where people have a similar sense of humor and understand each other.

SilverBulletNYC's picture

Wow. One of my favorite articles ever. Thank you. 

The South will NOT rise again!

jedkat's picture

Linked in the WWL lunch links. W2GDJ!

"Can we please stop the message board fighting? I really can't stand the message board fighting..."

"No. You're an idiot, and your posts are terrible."

Buckeyeneer's picture

Excellence in blog form.

"Because the rules won't let you go for three." - Woody Hayes

THE Ohio State University

penult's picture

Masterful work. That was fun.  I must say, the only thing I missed was a mention of the Alabama teabagger.