Tuesday Skull Session

By Johnny Ginter on August 16, 2011 at 6:00a
30 Comments

Happy Tuesday everyone, and welcome to your morning Skull Session. In 2006, the seminal group The Black Out Band relased their first album entitled "Video Games." America was unprepared for the music revolution that would soon wash over them, but soon the world would know the sheer sonic fury of three 11 year olds from Virginia.

Their first single, "Video Games," was a dark and startling look into the inner recesses of an 11 year old mind, a mind obsessed with video games. For example, take this lyric from virtuoso songwriter Hunter, wherein his ennui is laid bare for all the world to see. Like Kurt Cobain before him, Hunter is a droll observer of the stagnant post-post-industrial suburbia he finds himself in.

I don't wanna go to school/ Just wanna play video games/ I just wanna be a fool/ Just wanna play video games/ Everything else is really lame

Sung in what can only be described as a heartbreaking half-bored soprano, Hunter pours his heart out as bandmate Tug thunders along on bass while Matthew hews out a sickening beat from the stone that is his drums.

Parents say it's fryin' my brain/ Just because I can't remember my name/ I just wanna play video games/ All the time and every day

Heroically, Hunter and the rest of the Black Out Band confront not just video games, but all of the modern world. They know it's bad for them, yet they cannot pull away. The Black Out Band seeks a simpler, quieter place, where the only thing to disturb the stillness is a driving bassline from Tug's mighty bass. The Black Out Band's website compares them to Neil Young, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, and Billy Joel. They're being modest.

SCHNELLY NO! So long, sweet prince. You lord of mustaches. You king of southern Florida! FAU's Howard Schnellenberger is going to hang up the suspenders this year, which is a huge loss for classy dudes everywhere. Schnellenberger's detractors might tell you that he was a guy who peaked too early, that he never had any real success after he left the University of Miami, or that mustaches on old dudes aren't THAT cool. Those people are stupid. Not about Schnellenberger's record, they're mostly right about that, but that mustache was amazing.

The other thing that Schnellenberger deserves credit for is sticking with Florida Atlantic University for as long as he did, transforming the Owls from a mediocre 1-AA school into a bad 1-AA school into a great 1-AA school into a bad 1-AA school again into a mediocre D-1 school into a decent D-1 school that won a bowl game and until finally settling among the stars as a mediocre D-1 school. Well done, coach. Well done.

AGGIE AGGIE AGGIE OY OY OY. Remember how TAMU was all set to break up the Texas band and take their dog general and borderline creepy cheers to become the newest member of the SEC? Welp:

Loftin acknowledged his school approached the SEC about inclusion, but said: "There has never been a bid to invite us into the SEC … and if it were to occur in the future, we would certainly want to evaluate that..."

Look, I understand, TAMU. It sucks getting turned down for prom. Believe me, I've been there. You get the flower and the dinner ready and make all the best plans you can think of and BAM. Rejection. Maybe in a few years it'll be as funny to you as it is to the rest of us right now. Maybe then you'll be able to enjoy this series of MS Paint cartoons as much as I did. Maybe. Probably not though.

High school senior picture pose bros

TPEEZY, ALONE. As of this writing (11pm Monday night, in spaaaaccee) Terrelle Pryor is still not eligible for the supplemental NFL draft, which to MJD over at Yahoo Sports, seems a bit mean. He reckons that the interpretation of who the supplemental draft can pick has been applied too narrowly in TP's case, and truthfully I agree with him. Yes, Pryor's punishment was only for 5 games, rather than losing all of his eligibility like the draft generally requires, but come on NFL bros. Pryor made stupid mistakes in college, and made them repeatedly, but he was never shown to have broken any real law.

All I'm saying is, it's pretty hypocritical if they decide to cite moral reasons when Michael Irvin is in the Pro HOF and TP can't even get into the supplemental draft. If what Pryor did is their hangup, then maybe the NFL needs to stop promoting dudes like Ray Lewis or Plaxico Burress too.

EVERY DAY MARK RICHT GRINDS HIS TEETH DOWN A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE GUMLINE. Say "man down." Now say it four more times. Then say "it's cool though, we've still got one uninjured scholarship RB, right over here. You ready for Boise, Carlton? ...What do you mean, 'suspended'?"

And that's Mark Richt's life. Frankly, I think the Georgia Bulldogs have been living in karmic hell ever since that TD celebration incident against Florida. It's kind of sad that Mark Richt lives almost his entire life in a state of profound and unbending blandness, and then for one twenty second moment of his life in 2007 he blows the whole operation. THOU SHALL NOT DEFY POPE URBAN.

YEP. NOPE. Behold:

Athletic directors of the newly expanded Big Ten and Pac-12 conferences found consensus on a "plus-one" football national-championship proposal at meetings early this week that could signal movement toward a revamped Bowl Championship Series.

Oh cool!

Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany on Saturday told the Tribune that conference athletic directors do not favor a "Plus-One" playoff system.

Oh.

The reason given of protecting the Rose Bowl is pretty lame since, you know, it's not even an automatic Pac-10/Big 10 matchup anymore. Just give us a plus one you jerks.

GUNDY SMASH Apparently Oklahoma State's Mike Gundy is finding himself the target of a lawsuit because he allegedly fired a contractor who had the temerity to show up at his house wearing an OU sweatshirt. The whole story is pretty funny, but my favorite part is probably Gundy proclaiming that his house is OSU soil, which leads me to believe that he envisions college sports as a giant Risk board that he must somehow conquer while fighting off foreign agressors.

Also, even though Gundy sounds like an idiot here, let's be honest with ourselves: if a contractor had shown up at Woody Hayes' house wearing a Michigan sweatshirt, the only lawsuit anyone would've been filing would have been for wrongful death.

KICK ASS, TAKE NAMES, PLAY VIDEO GAMES.

30 Comments

Comments

thorvath22's picture

Black Out Band. What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

The_Lurker's picture

Boom. /BillyMadison'd.

builderofcoalitions's picture

You forgot to mention that Schnelly built that mediocre football program from scratch with bubble gum, toothpicks, and fairy dust.

Because we couldn't go for three.

Northbrook's picture

Fairy dust? I think not. Not Schnelly. More like manly mustache drippings.

Kurt's picture

I don't get Delany's efforts to preserve the sanctity of the Big Ten/Pac-12 Rose Bowl while about a year ago he was suggesting Michigan-Ohio State get moved to mid-October.

njc2o's picture

did you change who's writing the skull session recently? it seems like it's gone from clever to trying way too hard (and failing) pretty quickly. 

Denny's picture

Yea, it's pretty difficult to 'look at the top of every article' and 'see who the writers are', isn't it?

Taquitos.

njc2o's picture

and go back through weeks of blog posts and check every single skull session? yeah, i'd say that's far too much work than i'm comfortable putting forward.

Denny's picture

tl;dr

Taquitos.

RoweTrain's picture

Then shall we suspect you will no longer be reading (and commenting) on them from this point forward?

njc2o's picture

you may incorrectly suspect that.

and i read the blog daily, and have for years. am i not allowed to say i think the quality of this particular feature of the blog has decreased in quality in my opinion, lest i be berated and harassed by the 11W commentariat?

RoweTrain's picture

You think my comment was harassment?  I asked a simple question, as you did.  I just don't see why people have to comment about the quality of work that these people do for free.  Some skullys will entertain you, some will not.  And if you can comment on someone's work then I believe it is well within my right to comment on yours.

Buckeyebrowny919's picture

+1

To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift - Steve Prefontaine

Johnny Ginter's picture

i appreciate the defense man, seriously, but he's more than free to comment about the quality of what we do here as long as it isn't trolly or inappropriate.

and let's be honest, i spent nearly 300 words on an intro about a band of 11 year olds whose  greatest contribution to society is a horrible, awful song about videogames. i totally understand if that's not everyone's cup of tea

iball's picture

Those 300 words changed my life man.

“There’s one thing I have learned through all my adventures and conquests - it’s that some people are just wired for success. I had no choice when it came to being great - I just am great.” – Kenny Powers

BuckeyeChief's picture

What's cracking fellas? Just came back from my Disney tour; lot's of Buckeyes down there.

 

"Damn I miss El Guapo"

Buckeyebrowny919's picture

you say black out band in Mclean, VA? shiiiiiiit that's right down the street..gotta check these trendsetters out

To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift - Steve Prefontaine

BuckeyeSki's picture

Schnelly's greatest accomplishment was playing the grandfather and sports store owner in Problem Child part 1 and 2

Banned from BlackShoeDiaries since 2008. Crime: Slander/Defamation of Character Judgement: Guilty

Kyle's picture

What do eleven year old kids know about blacking out enough to name their band after said drunken awesomeness?  Kids these days!

Is it Saturday Yet's picture

Wasn't there a full pads practice open to the press recently?  Am I being too impatient?  

 

If you ever run outta stuff to link there is always this to find things like this.

RBuck's picture

The first few full pads practices weren't open to the media. Today's is open.

"It's just another case of there you are". ~ Doc (1918-2012)

edwinstamper's picture

I just got my tickets for the akron game section 24B Row 6. does anyone pm here know if those will put me right behind a pillar?? if so my gf will be pissed lol

Bucks's picture

From the view, it looks like you'll be fine. Can't speak to the row, but seatdata is usually pretty good with this stuff.

 

http://www.seatdata.com/html/ncaa_ohio_state/section_ncaa_ohio_state_24b...

ih8rolltyde's picture

That tamu ms paint cartoon was worth the price of admission to this scully. Laughed my furkin ass off at the ol miss slide. They all need to settle down with the sec superconference espn nonsense, though likely inevitable. When Bear Bryant is ready for a change, he will let his people know. That may very well be what all this 2012 hoopla is about..... the time when the sec becomes truly all-powerful and literally obliterates all of college football with their awesomeness.

****igan smells like old water that hot dogs were boiled in.  FACT

edwinstamper's picture

thank you BUCKS I didnt know that website exsisted

BuckeyeMark's picture

wow.  came here for Buckeye info (and got it as always) but also learned that AutoTune has a place and the Black Out Band is that place.

BuckeyeMark's picture

the MS Paint cartoons were one of the funniest things I have ever seen.  the author may not understand how the process works (because I think the SEC wants A&M and all those Texas tv sets) but it is still funny as all get out.