It's that time again. Truly exceptional captions might even earn a t-shirt.
Nice turtleneck Ferentz, but I've got the bird logo inked on my body for life. Fake ass hawkeye.....
Banned from BlackShoeDiaries since 2008. Crime: Slander/Defamation of Character Judgement: Guilty
With Tressel gone, will I still win COY somehow?
Banned from ATO since June 3rd 2PMish PST
The sheet says to be smug... I'm just following the sheet.
"Consistency: It's only a virtue if you're not a screwup." - Despair.com
...and then I was all like, my name is Bret Bielma, who's Rob Riggle!!!?
Dammit Ferentz, I wish I had your job...
The offseason begins when your season ends. Even then there are no days off.
"You talking to my wife...eh!?"
"It's just another case of there you are". ~ Doc (1918-2012)
(Coach Ferentz) - Hey Brett...did I ever tell you about being an All-Yankke Conference Linebacker in college?
(Coach Bielema) - Jesus...YES! Too many times to count.
All Broad Street (1989 & 1990)
TCU, really? C'mon man.
Fundamentals are a crutch for the talentless.
So far I like this one best.
Aesculus excellentium cum MCMLXV.
Bret: How long has it been, Kirk.
Kirk: Too long, Bret. Too long.
I know you can smell it.
So a priest, a rabbi and a cheese-head walk into a bar.......
"Sometimes when I get nervous I fold my arms across my chest and put my fingers in my armpits and then I like to smell my fingers. You ever do that Kirk?"
"Uh, good luck today Bret, nice seeing you."
+1 for Mary Katherine Gallagher quote.
/long time crush on Molly Shannon
Is that cheese smell you?
Bret - "You hear I have a multi-threat STUD athelete at QB now? Best QB/ball player in the country.
Kirk - 'He went 9-4 in the A(bsolutely) C(rappy) Conference and was a .228 hitter in A-ball, Bret. Plus, you're still a prick.
My GOD you're a handsome fellow! Do you think the new guy in Columbus likes men too?
"They're making an E! True Hollywood Story on me, so that should clear up a lot of your questions."
"no, they stay there, i've got a second pair for my eyes when i need em"
"Hey, I loved you in Captain America!"
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I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!
FCTB_Init_c6261039451e4b0095209449bf43c5df(document['FCTB_Init_ef6eb5ebdbfd42b492df17142ae1c6b3']); delete document['FCTB_Init_ef6eb5ebdbfd42b492df17142ae1c6b3']
Seriously, Kirk, who do I have to b*** to get coach of the year?
Staring contest! Ready. Set. Go!
Is it me or are they longing for each other?
Kirk: "You know technically, you didn't beat Ohio State last year"
Bret: "We still beat you guys"
Kirk: "How did that Rose Bowl work out for ya?"
Bret "......shutup Kirk"
You and me. Staring contest. GO.
Do I come off as arrogant? Shame on me, I was hoping it would more obvious.
1st one to blink has to pick up the soap!
Ferentz: My lord, you are beautiful...
Bielema: Shut up and Kiss me, Kirk!
Ferentz: Bielbot, initiate Smugmode.
Bielema: Initiating Smugmode check sequence.
Kirk: Bret, are you a legend or leader?
Bret: I have no freakin' idea, but I am guessing neither.
I speculate that in another year, we'll be the two highest tenured coaches in the league.
Kirk: High and tight...just how i like em.
I have been known on occasion to howl at the moon. - Crash Davis
Kirk: You think either one of us have a chance at winning the B1G since The Vest is gone?
Ugly dude: Well I thought so...I mean I know we'll beat you because we have a running quarterback, now!
Kirk: Really?!! That kid is from out East, when is the last time you have known what to do with a running QB?!
Ugly dude: Your right, well I know for sure we won't be beating tOSU, their kids are pretty pissed the way eSECpn, SI, Yahoo!, and well everyone else to is talking about them! Plus we play them there...and I heard, the 11W along with the stefanie Speilman foundation crew is having a huge tailgate party to raise money for Cancer Research......s*** we are screwed!
Kirk: Good luck with that, don't forget to lock the door tonight, I'll be waiting for you for a snuggle buddy!
"Because I couldn't go for three"
Hey Kirk - Do you want to play a game of Spin The Bottle? You versus me.
"You win with people." - Woody Hayes
Bret...I bet you're the kind of guy that would F**k a person in the a$$ and not have the god-damn common courtesy to give him a reach-around!
"Hey Kirk...Deal with it"
"Heck yeah it was us who planted that tat guy in Columbus... it worked, didn't it?"
Kirk: "Hey ya, Bret.... smile if you like men..."
Bret displays a sh_t eating grin!!!!
Kirk: "Ha ha... made you smile you punk a$$ biatch!"
Bret: "......shutup Kirk, I am not a punk a$$ biatch or at least that is what Brady Hoke told me last night."
Kirk: "So you are already playing pivot man with Captain scUM"
Bret: "He likes my peach fuzz for sideburns on his inner thighs"
Shaking his head in disbelief, Kirk walks away thinking Bret has converted Brady into a sniping little Biatch... great...that is what this conference needs. I already miss Tress.
Brett: "So then Cam tells the NCAA 'No, I wanted 180 G's to play at Miss State but I'll play for free at Auburn' and they bought it!"
"Man if you only knew what I traded for that Hawkeye tattoo..."
"Ahh, your bachelor's degree?"
“Any time you give a man something he doesn't earn, you cheapen him. Our kids earn what they get, and that includes respect.” - Woody
Bret: Okay, here's a shot out of the cannon: Paterno, Dantonio, and your wife. You gotta fu*& one, marry one, kill one, go!
I've played this game in HB before.....
it's an easy one to play with the abundance of women there on a weekend night
We're not looking to next season, we're looking to make a noise now and ... I wanna kiss you!
"Bret, are you going to kiss me or not?"
Kirk: everyone knows about that Hawkeye tattoo, so you wanna show me where your Bucky Badger one is?
wanna see my tatoo? ;)
Go Bucks---Tee he he
".... so then he tells JoePa 'once they stop watching Spongebob, the real action begins' and JoePa shits himself on the sideline in the 'Shoe......"
"So there they are marchin down the field and Posey DROPS THE PASS"-Kirk
"No f^cking way......" -Bret
Kirk you told me the locker rooms were salmon...but that!? That wasn't what I expected...
Kirk: You realize you were averaging 6.0 yards per carry on that final drive in the Rose Bowl don't you?
Kirk: You also realize the 2 point conversion is from two and a half yards away?
Brett: UH HUH
Kirk: Empty back field, really? You weren't a math major here at Iowa were you?
Brett: UH NO
Competion: While the winners are celebrating a victory, the other team will probably end up crying.
Basking in the wake of mediocrity.....
" I'm not wearing underwear"
Brett: You ever hear that rumor about me pounding the blonde sideline reporter? Dude, I totally did.
Kirk: Yeah Brett. The only thing you know how to pound is the ball off tackle.