Your days of stalking prey are over.In case you did not hear, the last wild wolverine in the state of Michigan died last month. Apparently, the rodent died of natural causes, the victim of heart degeneration and liver congestion (insert your own joke here). Now I know that all of us are broken up with grief and sorrow over this event, but at the same time it strikes this writer as symbolically appropriate. Does it not seem to parallel the state of their football program?
The once proud program has been reduced to defending itself against NCAA probes and is the constant object of sarcastic ridicule (see below). With that in mind (and with apologies to Walt Whitman), I offer you this lament. Since our readers are a well-educated and cultured group, I'm certain they will be inspired to write their own verses to honor our fallen foe. (While reading, picture your average Michigan fan, perhaps with long hair, writing this as he pines away over a glass of PBR Tripel Karmeliet)
O WOLVERINE! my Wolverine! our rivals they have won;
The team has blunder’d every chance, the glory we had is done;
The end is near, the clock I hear, the fans all vomiting,
While follow eyes the shaky coach, the vessel grim and leaking:
But O loss! loss! loss!
O the fighting Bucks of red,
Where on the deck my Wolverine lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
My Mascot does not answer, his limbs are pale and still;
My Wolverine does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The team has flounder’d near and far, its season closed and done;
From Rose Bowl trip, the Buckeye ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the snow my Wolverine lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
Comments
You know, I would have never imagined this growing up in the 90's, that life as a Buckeye fan would get better and better while scUM life got worse.
Thanksfor cheering me up, as I have been stuck in bed w/ bronchitis, to the point I had to pull out of a 1/2 Marathon...this made my day!
I think that might be Nobel Prize worthy writing.
that was awesome.
Please don't associate PBR, a fine American beer, with the pondscum that is the average Michigan man. I take them more for a Zima crowd.
Zima ceased production in the U.S. in 2008. It's still available in Japan, but somehow I suspect the hippie-up-north probably doesn't make it over to the land of the rising sun very often.
But you're right, I probably should have had him drinking something that would be the alcoholic equivalent of Grey Poupon. Any suggestions?
Edit: never mind, I think I found the perfect fit.
Huh, Zima ceased production in 2008? Well, do we not see the correlation with the decline of the Michigan football team; nay the very state? Deprived of their poison of choice, they are fading away.
How about a nice box of Franzia? They think they are so much better than everyone sipping on wine, yet everyone else knows, it is coming from a box in the fridge.....Dom P they are NOT!
if Zima is no longer made how will I get this leather care seat un-stuck from my ass????
What is a care seat.
Ann Arbor News Report: Football practice in Ann Arbor was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field.
The head coach, Rich Rodriquez, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.
Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
OLD JOKE but the timing is apropos —
I think he meant car seat
PBR has been taken over by the hipsters though...
how did you find that beer?
I found a web site called Snobby Beer Girl, and she listed that one as her favorite.
http://snobbybeergirl.blogspot...
how can she claim to be a taste snob when she spelled palate like something you find in the backroom of a big box store...
true, they ruined it
sonofabitch...........
lol...she sure did. She needs to give us edit permissions so we can fix her typos.
Who cares - you can still get a 12-pack for $7.99! Indulge your inner hipster.
Well, actually, although their football sucks alien turds, their beer is effing fantastic. Bell's Oberon and Bell's Two Hearted Ale are effing fantastic. I think it's brewed in Kalamazoo.
But our CBC, Barleys and Great Lakes brews are equally tasty. So we win again.
Ohioans know what hipsters are?
I concur on the Bell's Two Hearted Ale. Tasty.
That is funny stuff right thur.....
I've seen them on my street, and I live in the suburbs.
Must be very young people.
I'd imagine most people who want to be hipsters leave Ohio right after high school.
can you be old and be a hipster?
I knew some hipsters while I was at tOSU, they were from cleveland.
there are tons of them in LA, specificaly in Hollyweird.
Guys of all ages can fit into ladies jeans if they desire to emulate the hipster ideal.
I can't, unless it's a big lady.
i think the word you were looking for there re hollywood was "gay"
the hardcore hipsters roll in echo park and the bourgie ones roll in silver lake or los feliz.
I lump all of those areas together.