Purdue Keys to Victory

By Jason Priestas on October 9, 2008 at 8:00p
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Boiled Sports, Home of Sideboob Fridays

With another big conference game up this weekend, we checked in with the guys at Boiled Sports to get their keys to a victory over the Buckeyes. They're not quite ready to call this one a lock for Purdue, but they do have a list of things Purdue should look to do to leave Columbus with the win.

The following are, in our opinion, a number of keys to potential victory for the Boilers. Okay, maybe not victory, but to a slightly increased chance of victory.

  1. Beanie Wells is run over by a cement mixer on his way to practice on Friday.
  2. Terrell Pryor gets his foot caught in a Jacuzzi motor and is unable to make the game. Understand, we’re not saying he would be unable to play due to injury – we’re saying he would need to be stuck and physically being unable to make it to the ‘shoe. Because, if he did, even with one foot we’re still a little afraid of him.
  3. aOSU's locker room door is welded shut or at least jammed closed by an axe handle.
  4. Drew Brees, ever the prankster, arrives in Columbus and dons Curtis Painter’s uniform, helmet and blank stare.
  5. Brock Spack falls asleep after having a yummy pumpkin pie and in his absence, the team forgets that they’re not allowed to blitz – ever – and actually gets aggressive.
  6. A lawn mower gains AI and plows through the OSU sideline.
  7. A pretty girl shows up and the Ohio-based team is so flabbergasted that they lose focus on the game.
  8. Purdue comes out wearing USC jerseys. Especially effective with USC’s players.
  9. Maurice Clarett stumbles drunkenly onto the field, insisting he “still has eligibility” and proceeds to take the ball and run a sweep left while carrying his Grey Goose bottle(s), only his “sweep” looks like people look after they’ve done the “spin your head on a bat” thing and he falls down, fumbles and Purdue takes it to the house.
  10. The Boilers are able to literally bend the space-time continuum because that happens as frequently as the Boilers beating a top ten team… on the road.
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