Skull Session: Ohio State Opens as 20-Point Favorites Over Indiana, Fiesta Bowl Made Tyquan Lewis Come Back, and the Coast Guard Boards Ezekiel Elliott's Yacht

By D.J. Byrnes on March 20, 2017 at 4:59a
Cardale Jones throws for a first down for the March 20th 2017 Skull Session
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Today's Skull Session will be served as soon as I recover from this chicken that is actually a dinosaur.

I am vegan now. Please do not hurt me, Mr. Buff Chicken.

ICYMI:

Word of the Day: Garrulous

 BET THE RENT? America's enemies can do nothing to stop football from returning to our shores. It's part of what makes this country great.

Week 1 is always a wild occasion, especially when it comes to gambling. Sure, we think we know who will be good... but it never pans out that way. It's always a crapshoot. 

This won't stop patriots from betting millions on amateur athletics. If you're the kind of patriot who only bets on the local team, the Golden Nugget opened Ohio State as a 20-point favorite for its Aug. 31 trip to Bloomington to tangle with Indiana.

This sounds 'bout right to me, despite the Hoosiers always elevating their play when the Buckeyes stroll into town.

I'm also not sure what gives me more joy: Michigan as only a three-point favorite over Florida or Notre Dame not even favored by a touchdown over Temple. 

I also look forward to Texas A&M mangling UCLA and everybody overhyping the Aggies before they go 3-5 in the SEC.

 ONE SILVER LINING. The Fiesta Fiasco is a game we're all trying to forget. There is, however, one silver lining to come out of it: It helped spur Tyquan Lewis to return to Ohio State.

From bcsn.tv:

“I don’t like that sour feeling in my stomach, especially after losing like that,” Lewis said. “That was definitely on the list.”

[...]

As they prepare for one last chance at a second national title, Lewis said he’s confident he chose correctly.

“I had a lot to consider, the pros and cons of everything. I had to make the right decision, so I chose to come back,” Lewis said. “I felt like that was best for me.”

How come when I returned for my fifth season of college everybody called me a slacker with no post-graduate plan, yet this guy gets praised?

Our society remains messed up.

 ZEKE IS AT IT AGAIN. If Ezekiel Elliott has any plans to slow his roll after last week's wave of negative publicity, they didn't start this weekend in Miami when the Coast Guard boarded his yacht.

From tmz.com:

Ezekiel Elliott had his good time temporarily ruined again this week ... only now it was by the U.S. Coast Guard during a rager yacht party in Miami. 

Ezekiel was partying with friends and a gaggle of chicks Saturday on a yacht called No Rules II, when a Coast Guard cruiser pulled up. We're told the yacht had docked minutes before.

Eyewitnesses tell us 2 guards boarded the yacht and conducted a 20-minute search on-board. We're told once the search was complete, the guards went back to their vessel and took off. 

According to Elliott's lawyer, the Coast Guard wanted to see if the yacht had enough life vests, which it did, so that's at least one rule it respected.

Seems like TMZ is hot after Zeke now, which is a fate I would not wish upon any man, let alone a 21-year-old millionaire. Everybody in his camp probably wishes the Cowboys started the 2017 season this Sunday.

 BOSA PRIMED FOR MORE DESTRUCTION. I drafted Joey Bosa in my computer football league and cut him because I thought the Chargers' hijinks would cost him his rookie season.

Don't be an idiot like me. 

From profootballfocus.com:

When comparing Bosa’s rookie campaign to the rookie years of other top edge defenders, it seems evident that Bosa is on track to be great. Bosa put together 59 quarterback pressures. In Khalil Mack’s rookie year, he put up a total of 54, while Von Miller managed to put together 70 pressures in his debut season. However, it is important to emphasize that Mack played in 16 games in his rookie year and Miller played in 15. Bosa, on the other hand, only played in 12 — Miller also had 59 in his first 12 games, the most by a player through his first 12 career games in at least the last 11 years.

Adding to that, Bosa was also able to accumulate 11 sacks on the year. To put that into perspective Mack, who graded out as our best edge defender this season, posted the same number, but with 461 more snaps played than Bosa.

Aside from the numbers, though, what truly separated Bosa from other rookies in 2016 was his relentlessness. Bosa found a way to make his presence known every play that he was on the field and made himself a nightmare for offensive coordinators to plan for every week.

This is all part of PFF's case as to why Bosa is considered a "generational player." Meanwhile, I'm still laughing at the scouts who considered Bosa too small and slow to make an impact in the League.

Fun times in football evaluation, indeed.

 FOLLOW THE LEADER. Billy Price is 2017's King Slob. And when the King Slob speaks, people listen.

Here's a Sunday night evaluation of this year's team:

Your words to Warren G. Harding's ears, Billy!

 THOSE WMDs. Learn new things as an adult... Marines take vigilante-style action amid nude photo scandal... The web is swallowing the whole desktop and nobody noticed... World's heaviest man lost it all... Rap's Unlikeliest Icons: Promethazine codeine syrup manufacturers.

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