Apologies in advance for any typos, poor syntax, ham-fisted writing or bungled facts (more so than usual, anyway) because seasonal allergies, the Columbus Blue Jackets and Time Warner's third-world internet service have me feeling like garbage. There ain't no sick days in this here blog game, though.
It's been about an hour since the game ended, and I'm still not sure how in the hell the Blue Jackets lost. I take back everything I said about playoff hockey. It's horrible.
TERRELLE PRYOR TO THE DEFENDING CHAMPS. It had been reported the Raiders would cut Terrelle Pryor if they were unable to trade him, but the Raiders were able to strike a deal on the eve of their off-season workout program.
Terrelle Pryor was traded to the Seattle Seahawks for a mere seventh round pick. Seattle has built a reputation as an island of unwanted toys, and a seventh round pick is pittance for one of the premiere athletes in the league.
I couldn't be happier for Terrelle, as the Oakland Raiders were probably the worst possible landing spot for an underdeveloped quarterback. (He'll also be making more money than Russell Wilson, which is hilariously awesome.)
I already liked the Seahawks' swagger, so I guess this makes me a light-weight fan of theirs. (They're still going to get rolled by 30 by the Almighty Cleveland Browns in the 2015 Super Bowl, don't get it twisted.)
WORST ALABAMA SHIRT EVER. "SmackTalk" is an abominable company that profits off elementary playground-level wit plastered onto graphic tees. They sell shirts to both sides of rivalries like an international arms-dealers and their products are worn by horrible people with which nobody would want to associate.
To commemorate the Kick-Six, SmackTalk printed a t-shirt asking "Hey Nick, Got a Second?"
And here's how Alabama SmackTalk responded to their own smack talk:
Talking smack about a title during the Coolidge administration! WAY TO GO BAMA. Anybody wearing this shirt should be sent to a penal colony on the moon.
The lesson, as always: Friends don't let friends buy SmackTalk t-shirts.
POWER CONFERENCES TO MAKE THEIR MOVE. With NCAA President Mike Emmert again throwing around tone-deaf remarks on a nationally-syndicated interview, SEC commissioner Mike Slive was talking real reform:
Slive says power 5 hope to address full cost of attendance, health & safety, completion of degrees, rules re: agents, and some more.
— James Crepea (@JamesCrepea) April 21, 2014
I've never understood why athletes can't retain agents, other than "because the NCAA said so."
It amuses me Mark Emmert can't see that, eventually, the power conferences are just going to cut out the NCAA middleman. There's no reason for schools like Alabama, USC and Ohio State to belong to the same organization as Akron and UTEP.
People fret about "widening the gap" between the haves and have-nots, as if there isn't already a majestic canyon separating the two. I'm all for the power conferences breaking off and streamlining their governance structure so it's capable of making moves faster than a sloth on a heroin bender.
THE PLAYOFFS ARE COMING. Remember when people were against the playoffs because it was going to ruin college football's idiot post-season? Thankfully some common sense prevailed.
As someone who witnessed multiple playoff games at the University of Montana, let me tell you: The playoffs are going to own so hard, you guys. So. Hard.
THOSE WMDs. House cats have claimed a cozy spot at the pinnacle of pet hierarchy... Identical Danish twins who can't stand each other both produce some of the most distinct craft beer in the world... Indonesian volcano produces beautiful blue liquid... HG Wells' interview of Joseph Stalin... The Periodic Table of Story Telling... Sailors' skeletons suggest scurvy scuttled Europe's first town in the New World... After 223 years, adultery is now legal in New Hampshire...
