Jeff Heuerman Vents at a Parody Twitter Account Over Parking Tickets

By DJ Byrnes on June 25, 2014 at 2:55p
91 Comments

Playing football at Ohio State comes with a lot of perks, but being able to park where you please is not one of them. 

But like most of us, nobody enjoys getting a parking ticket. It appears Ohio State tight end Jeff Heuerman is no different.

Here's Jeff on Monday:

Now here he is continuing his jihad today:

Well, I hope Heuerman realizes he's venting at a parody account. I'm not sure what they're going to do about anything.

I got some tickets during my time at Ohio State, and in retrospect, I deserved every one of them. Heuerman has a tough road to plow, unless there's a rogue cop going around ticketing players who are following the rules.

91 Comments

Comments

SirMarkusCombs's picture

A few lousy tickets?!  On top of the... 20 or so tickets I received, I've been towed (2x), detained (unlawfully, and illegally), had to write an essay on ethics, and to top it all off, Paid...  THOUSANDS in parking .... and fines!!  Das Parking Nazis!!

+5 HS
DJ Byrnes's picture

Yeah, when I first transferred from Montana, I got a bunch of parking tickets that I simply threw away.

Then one day I went to re-up on my vehicle registration...

Californian by birth, Marionaire by the Grace of President Warren G. Harding.

Chief B1G Dump's picture

I too paid thousands for parking a towing. Up to the day I graduated, I had to run to west campus and pay tickets or I would not have received my diploma. Campus is the worst parking/ticketing/towing I have ever experienced in a number of countries.

housing and street parking is even worse. Dropped $1500 there in one pop. I had waged a massive vengeance against Shamrock towing. 

Heuerman is probably not making the best case for himself but I share his general sentiment of hate for the parking scam. 

Question though - if it's a private football lot, then why don't they have parking passes for it?  Something doesn't add up...

+3 HS
Phillips.449's picture

Every time I see the name Shamrock Towing, I get the piss shivers.

+15 HS
Fatpants's picture

Shamrock is the devil.

+5 HS
chemicalwaste's picture

I wish I could have back all of the money I had to pay to get my car out of their lot when they towed it out of our driveway. Yes, in the driveway where I lived, practically underneath my bedroom. Had I been more sober I might have heard them towing a couple times. I don't miss any of that.

+1 HS
GoBucks713's picture

I work part time as a Valet and close to the end of the night sometimes Shamrock likes to sit in our lot. I'll walk over and ask them to leave, or i'll have them towed at their expense. Last week a guy laughed at me and then I pulled up Broad and James on my phone and hit dial and showed it to him. He left quickly. Screw Shamrock.

-The Aristocrats!

+5 HS
11UrbzAndSpices's picture

My 5th year I lived on Iuka, used to cut through McDonald's parking lot when Shamrock would do a lot of predatory towing, they'd have a spotter in the parking lot and the truck behind the dumpsters. I don't know how many times I saw someone park, go in to 5/3 (?) bank or Subway and see the truck whip around the corner.

As an upstanding Buckeye/American, I'd run in side and grab the person and tell them they're being towed before it would actually happen. It also made me stop eating at McDonald's (when I was in a hurry, never gleefully chose to eat that slop) for advocating such douchebaggery.

+2 HS
vitaminB's picture

Careful, Jeff, they do have an MRAP at their disposal.  I'm sure having your car run over Grave Digger style will ruin your day.

 

+7 HS
chemicalwaste's picture

Maybe it's just me, but in the days of ridiculous campus riots, I didn't see much that warranted an assault vehicle. God forbid anything ever happens like Virginia Tech there though.

gm3jones's picture

I would rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

There is nothing more remarkable as learning to think better.

+4 HS
Squirrel Master's picture

I walk 2 blocks from my parking spot, up hill both ways, in the snow during June with my desk on my back while I make a pittance.

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

+11 HS
Idaho Helga's picture

Oh, you had it easy.  I grew up in a shoe box by the side of the road!

+5 HS
NH-IO's picture

Every morning we had to lick the road clean with our tongues...

+2 HS
Shangheyed's picture

I laughed out out loud with Luxury!!... Monty Python would be proud.  Thanks for that!

jamesrbrown322's picture

Ahh, yes, the good ole days!

 

"I can accept failure, but I cannot accept not trying." - W.W. Hayes

+1 HS
IGotAWoody's picture

Upon first glance, I thought that the headline on the homepage said "Jeff Heuerman is F'ed Up". I thought, wow, what the hell did he do that merited that write up?

 - License to kill gophers (wolverines, badgers, etc) by the government of the United Nations

+3 HS
RoyMunson's picture

Oy, this is the worst kind of attitude for someone in his position to have.

It reinforces a negative stereotype that football players are entitled, self-aggrandizing man-children.

I hope someone can get in his ear.

+7 HS
Hovenaut's picture

I'm pretty busy right now...

 

"Success...it's what you do with what you got" - Woody Hayes

+10 HS
AndyVance's picture

I get where you're coming from - if I were his PR consultant I'd advise against this rant... BUT, as someone who practically had a mortgage payment in parking tickets during my years at OSU, I can sympathize. My feelings on campus T&P can basically be summed up this way:

+6 HS
TheBadOwl's picture

It might look like that to someone on the outside, but parking is something that all OSU students have been bitching about for years, especially now that CampusParc took everything over. CampusParc is terrible.

When I walked in this morning and saw the flag was at half mast I thought, "Alright, another bureaucrat ate it." but then I saw it was Li'l Sebastian. Half mast is too high. Show some damn respect.

The Rill Dill's picture

They ticket you for your own good.

+1 HS
chemicalwaste's picture

Right. That way when you come back as an alumn you know where you can park and where you can't. For your own good. (Mobile sarcasm. )

dumpus's picture

why does Heuerman's little tantrum drip of "i don't deserve a ticket because i'm a football player" obnoxiousness?  

don't want a ticket?  park somewhere else.  or get a parking pass.  quit being a whiny bitch.  you wanted the Big 10 college experience?  you got it.

+3 HS
TheBadOwl's picture

You've clearly never dealt with CampusParc. They've given my friends tickets when they've been in the right spot with passes displayed. But by all means, call a guy who's 6'6" 255 a "whiny bitch" when you have no idea what he's talking about.

OSU students and faculty are fed up with CampusParc and have been ever since it took over.

When I walked in this morning and saw the flag was at half mast I thought, "Alright, another bureaucrat ate it." but then I saw it was Li'l Sebastian. Half mast is too high. Show some damn respect.

+6 HS
Firedup's picture

Pretty sure the WHAC has a gated, key card access lot for the football players to park in

gm3jones's picture

Yeah but I think they need to display a pass or something like that. Not sure

There is nothing more remarkable as learning to think better.

clint5507's picture

It is quite possible he has a pass and campusparc is ticketing him because he doesn't have it displayed or registered online exactly how they want. Maybe more info will come out and then we can judge him or them.

Regardless, I didn't think parking could get worse at Ohio State, but then they outsourced it and it did.  

+6 HS
Barnsey69's picture

Worse deal OSU has brokered in the big $$ era, can't even clear lots during winter, AND after saying no one would lose their jobs...well you can guess how that went down. OSU may have gained a ton of cheese up front, but they, and essentially they is the students, faculty, & staff, will lose in the end.

I am a modern-art masterpiece.

+1 HS
BierStube's picture

Saban has a way to deal with parking tickets ...

 

"No matter where you go, there you are." B. Banzai

+34 HS
jamesrbrown322's picture

 

"I can accept failure, but I cannot accept not trying." - W.W. Hayes

+3 HS
Tater_Schroeder's picture

I agree with the sentiment here. We all dealt with campus parking and had our share of tickets (which ultimately were our own fault). The only difference is that we didn't think we should get out of them for being a football player. Best part is that he is calling out the parody OSU Campus Parking account. Preaching to the choir?

How Firm Thy Friendship

DannyBeane's picture

I only ever got one parking ticket in my time in Columbus and that's because I didn't have my front license plate attached since I had a screw hole that was stripped. Oh it was in my window but apparently that wasn't good enough. Bastards. I was always a big fan of parking off either lane, summit or the myriad of streets in between and then catching a CABS bus, to where I needed to go. I refused to buy a parking pass because with tuition and text books I was going to make sure OSU didn't see another dime from me.

+2 HS
gumtape's picture

 

just another psycho, irrational, delusional Ohio St fan

ANuttyBuckeye's picture

How do you people get so many damn tickets? I parked there for four years and never got a thing.

+11 HS
OvalBeachBum's picture

Damn you. CampusParc is literally the worst.  You must be some sort of DemiGod for not getting any tickets from them...

"In the words of the late great Colonel Sanders, I'm too drunk to taste this chicken" - Ricky Bobby

+3 HS
WC Buckeye's picture

He must have a picture of Robocop (Rick Githens, an OSU classmate of mine who is in campus police operations) with a goat.

The only thing that's new in the world is the history that we have forgotten.

RenegadeBuckeye's picture

Parked where? This isn't about game day parking or memories of T&P...It's about those of us who have to deal with these guys every single day. 

+1 HS
BigZ's picture

OSU parking enforcement is brutal. I had to make many a trip over to Bevis Hall in my days at OSU. I feel your pain Jeff.

+3 HS
Rjpfish2's picture

I remember meeting Sammy "The Bull" Maldonado in the freshmen tower during his playing days at tOSU.  He said he'd just park wherever and not worry about the tickets and that he'd gotten about a dozen. He said the freshmen had to park so far from anything he'd be late otherwise. Never seen it personally, this just reminded me of that encounter.

+1 HS
doodah_man's picture

  ↵

I love it when people screw up cliches. You mean "tough row to hoe" don't you. Last time I looked, we don't plow roads. But if you are talking rows in cornfields...yup.

"Heuerman has a tough road to plow"

Jim "DooDah" Day
It is hard to play dirty against a man who picks you up.

+2 HS
DJ Byrnes's picture

a tough road to plow.

Californian by birth, Marionaire by the Grace of President Warren G. Harding.

Idaho Helga's picture

Welcome to Idaho!!!! Actually, I'm pretty sure this is the Going-to-the-sun-road in Glacier NF.  But once, directly in front of my house a snow plow actually got stuck in about 3' of snow.  The road grater had to come and pull him out.  It left a trench in the road they didn't fix for a week.

I have had to shovel my roof in 2 winters here.

+1 HS
WC Buckeye's picture

I think you're right about Glacier, and DJ, this is probably a June picture, right?

The only thing that's new in the world is the history that we have forgotten.

YNBA's picture

Looks like Route 2 over Stevens Pass in Washington, but I could definitely be mistaken.

"Putting the 'turd' in Saturday since whenever..."
YNBA
MotSaG

doodah_man's picture

Awesome...uhhh, just what is all that white stuff.

Jim "DooDah" Day
It is hard to play dirty against a man who picks you up.

GoBucks713's picture
Chuck

 

-The Aristocrats!

+1 HS
Earle's picture

To be fair, it is tough to plow a road when your plow has been towed.

+18 HS
Urban Ohio's picture

Some people say road to hoe. That would be tough even if it's a dirt road.

Newcomerstown Trojans between Woody and Beaver.

Buckeyebrowny919's picture

lol well it does look like he is parked in 2 spots.

To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift - Steve Prefontaine

+2 HS
vitaminB's picture

I'm just glad the car parked there wasn't a Charger or Nissan Z.

+2 HS
Buckeyebrowny919's picture

lolol actually...it does look like a charger.

To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift - Steve Prefontaine

buckeyeradar's picture

Good news - the car wasn't stolen.  Bad news - got a ticket.  Good news - only got a ticket.  Bad news - NCAA is investigating.  Good news - coach isn't upset yet.  Bad news - the Dispatch is getting ready to write it up for front page news.

Buckeye in Texas

+2 HS
rkylet83's picture

Before I could make any kind of judgment, I would have to see the regulations in their private lot.  I can't understand why they would have a private lot for football players only, and enforce it so strictly knowing full well that players would be spending hours using it.  If the ticket was for double parking or not having proper ID displayed or such than I could understand a violation.  If not this looks like typical nickel and dime bullcrap that parking enforcement is famous for all over the country.      

+1 HS
Buckeye Knight's picture

My ONLY experience with Traffic and Parking was my freshman year.  I never used my car freshman year expect once on official OSU business. I actually ONLY had my car there to HELP the university.  Sure enough, they give me a ticket for "parking in a handicap spot".  This was under Morrill Tower in the circle, my front bumper was right on the line of the handicap spot, not in it.  Only reason I was that close is b/c the other cars in the circle were off set.  I waited until after graduation to pay it so I could get my diploma.  I told them they got me, it was BS and the university should not expect any donations from me in the future.

Jordan Wagner's picture

The weird thing is that the players are getting ticketed when parking in a lot that is designated for football players only. 

Young_Turk's picture

Solution...consider the walk from a legal parking spot part of your fitness training.  We're perception flexibility training,  and you're drinking water!!!

TheBadOwl's picture

He parked in the "Players Only" lot at the Woody. It's not like he's just parking his car on the middle of Lane Ave because "Fuck it I play football"

When I walked in this morning and saw the flag was at half mast I thought, "Alright, another bureaucrat ate it." but then I saw it was Li'l Sebastian. Half mast is too high. Show some damn respect.

+5 HS
Scarlet_Lutefisk's picture

The most important question remains unanswered....was Jeff parked illegally?

BuckeyePoetLaureate's picture

From the picture, it kinda looks like he's straddling two spaces.

Proud alumnus of the Ohio State Creative Writing MFA Program.  Creator of the writing craft site Great Writers Steal.

+1 HS
RedStorm45's picture

Clearly the parking lot is very busy in the picture as well...

+1 HS
216ToThe614's picture

As someone who has never parked out of place in his entire (still ongoing) experience here, I've still received about 10 tickets from OSU (maybe 2 before they sold the rights to CampusParc) and I can say with near certainty that CampusParc was at fault here. They employ idiots who are using brand new license plate scanning technology that they don't know how to use or haven't worked the bugs out of yet. I have never paid a ticket I have received because it was a pretty simple manner to argue them with facts and evidence. I think Jeff either WAS parked illegally (I don't care if you're a player or not, if you were told to still get a pass he should have gotten one) or he is unaware of the appeal process, because as I mentioned it is quite easy to appeal these tickets. If you park incorrectly on public roads however, or a business that employs shamrock towing (I've heard the stories) good luck getting out of that one!

The other great thing about CampusParc being so annoying is you can just not pay the ticket. Unlike how it used to be, OSU can't put an academic hold on your account for not paying your tickets and it isn't the city so they can't force you to pay when you re-up on registration or your license. All that would really happen is your credit score going down? I'm not sure. But I know of plenty of people who just don't pay them because there's nothing they can really do to you

Pick up your feet, turn your corners square! And DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!!!
WB

+1 HS
RenegadeBuckeye's picture

They can tow you or put on a boot.

+1 HS
RenegadeBuckeye's picture

CampusParc is a private company that purchased the rights to be a pain in the ass from OSU a while ago. The university has nothing do do with the tickets, however they do have the final say on an appeal. So all of the football players should challenge their citation. And I can tell you from experience, that these CP guys are mega d-bags with a chip on their shoulder. They have repeatedly ticketed my coworkers who park in the correct spots with a parking pass clearly displayed. I actually just learned today that OSU has agreed to rescind these bs tickets.  

THEOSUfan's picture

But now ESPN and George Dohrman will come into to town and investigate how football players are getting their parking tickets fixed, resulting in an NCAA investigation into these high crimes and misdemeanors, and Ohio State will get a bowl ban and lose another 20 scholarships.

+4 HS
Csturg's picture

I'm going to let people start parking at my Panda location for the purchase of food to save you guys money and stop the tow truck outrage:) 

Chris Sturgill

+2 HS
Knarcisi's picture

Our players don't haves parking stickers for the facilities they need to be at ???

+1 HS
teddyballgame's picture

So he parked in a lot designated for players?...What's the problem here

+1 HS
KingsRite's picture

Looks like he is double parked in the above picture.

“I have yet to be in a game where luck was involved. Well-prepared players make plays. I have yet to be in a game where the most prepared team didn't win.” -Urban Meyer-

+1 HS
Knarcisi's picture

Must have parked in Nick Bosa's spot.  He's lucky a ticket is all he got. 

+2 HS
vtbuckeye's picture

10 years ago (has it really been that long??) my wife and I (not yet married) split the cost of one parking permit.  She kept the permit in her car and I occasionally paid the $3 fine for not displaying a parking permit.  Usually I parked on Neil/off Neil between 5th and 10th where street parking without a permit was legal.  Only got towed once (street sweeping).  The worst part of the towing was not being able to understand the guy who was telling me where the cars were towed. 

VintonCountyBuck's picture

Where's Mindy Draher to diagram this when we need her?

“Right now, Michigan is not at the pinnacle of college football, and that’s all Urban Meyer cares about...He’s been there and knows what it takes to get there.” 

+11 HS
BeijingBucks's picture

ok well... in the interests of parking lot confessions.  Over my 4 (or 6) year education at Ohio State I found I had to take classes on opposite ends of the campus.  as in extreme ends.  since this was about the time they came up with off campus parking (which didn't exactly come cheap) and mandatory decaling of cars on campus I had to make a plan.  I suddenly realised I could never let them connect me with my ride.

there was a girl that i knew had access... ok short version, I got a temp staff decal or something like that.  I had a white truck... and I knew every single loading dock on campus.  voila!  door to door parking like a boss!

I parked for 2 years before, right before graduation, some clever sod caught on and they went after me....  I'm sure it's gotten harder to do this now (I was in school just after the times we hitched our mount to the class railing

One of my funniest memories of OSU.  Followed by trying to figure out how to get textbooks I knew I wasn't going to need for mandatory classes I hated (especially when they were written by a lamer prof and simply reconfigured every year so you had to buy a new one.  smh)

//endconfession

 

 

None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. ~ John Milton

RonnyPBuckeye's picture

I rememember running into my girlfriend's apartment for what seemed a nanosecond and coming out and Shamrock already had me hooked up and ready for tow.  Then I recalled seeing the Columbus PD car in front of the building when I pulled in.  He most likely noticed I didn't have a parking tag and called Shamrock so he could get his kickback.  What a bunch of dirtbags.  This was back in the late 80's and I'm sure it's gotten worse.  Still pisses me off a quarter century later...

PAWEST1202's picture

It is a right of passage at Ohio State to get a ticket from T&P and get towed by Shamrock. Even if you had a pass, there was no guarantee that you could find a spot and had to roll the dice by parking on the street. I had a CP pass for 3 years and at least once a quarter, I had to park somewhere on the streets around south campus and it usually resulted in a ticket.

DJ Byrnes's picture

Californian by birth, Marionaire by the Grace of President Warren G. Harding.

MichiganBuckeye222's picture

in fairness he wasn't brought to Columbus to "play parking"

Representing the Buckeyes in the Mitten State since 1987.

www.septemberheisman.com

 

+2 HS
AndyVance's picture

So at what point does Urban send Coach Mick and Coach Coombs over to CampusParc for a little "discussion" about this situation?

+2 HS
BuckeyeCrusdader's picture

I never got towed or ticketed in my years as a student and then one Sunday last fall I go to Fred beekman park with a friend the day after a game and get a ticket from campusparc, wtf I think ticketing on a Sunday is BS.

Metal Guru's picture

I never got 1 ticket or was towed in four years. It was easy; I just followed the rules. I didn't have choice; pay parking tickets & towing charges or eat. I chose food.
 

OvalBeachBum's picture

You obviously don't know much about CampusParc and Shamrock Towing if you think that just "Following the rules" is why you didn't get any tickets.  I was towed by shamrock for being in a spot that you cant park in on Sundays, on a Saturday.  One of my housemates last year was given four tickets, all of them unfair, and all four were appealed and removed.  These guys just throw tickets out the window as they drive by and let the wind carry them to cars at random.  Getting through school without at least one ticket is just luck...

"In the words of the late great Colonel Sanders, I'm too drunk to taste this chicken" - Ricky Bobby

SilverBullet-98's picture

"Columbus, visit us for a holiday or a picnic leave our town with a parking ticket"

Then the always famous; "Come to Ohio on Vacation, When I left I just end my Probation"

My wife went to a Hair Dressing Expo in Columbus and went to Eddie's for Dinner, come out of Restaurant, the cars had been towed, it was dark and they was all women not from Columbus.

Finally flagged down a police man and he drove them to the dark back alley the car where located.Thanks CPD!

Thankfully my wife had enough cash for both cars fines, because the ATM was broke. Real nice visit. Even the policeman couldn't answer why they was towed. Then I read this about Ohio St Campus Parking. Wow. what a rachet they have going on up there in that town.

"The Past Builds the Future"

+1 HS
doodah_man's picture

Took awhile but I found it 

 

Jim "DooDah" Day
It is hard to play dirty against a man who picks you up.

Old Buckeye's picture

Don't worry, Jeff, if the guy had a brain, he wouldn't be assigned to handing out parking tickets.

Old Buckeye

bucknutz18's picture

4 years no tows and no tickets....i know they are shady but christ, thousands of dollars?  Maybe it's just the user

+1 HS
Boom777's picture

I don't understand how it's legal to fine someone for parking on the street. "We the people" pay for it. Then we have to pay some dip shit to give us tickets for parking on it. I don't get it. Just another kings ransom.

Wherever you are, there you be!

zjhousley's picture

he clearly got a ticket for parking in two spots.  next question, why do these kids insist on putting pics on social media of them driving cars that are way out of their means.  Yes, I know Heuerman comes from a well off family, but it still looks bad. 

 

P.S. If the football lot is a private parking lot, these CampusParc have no business being in it.  That would be the same as them ticketing people for parking in their private driveways