2014 Buckeye Football Wish List

By Jeff Beck on June 13, 2014 at 11:00a
Da Genie

With a little over two and a half months until the Scarlet and Gray kick off against Navy, consider the collective chops of Buckeye Nation licked. Fans of the program are shifting their gaze to the upcoming season, starting to analyze matchups, mark calendars, buy tickets and of course…rub the lamp of the Great College Football Genie.

What? You’ve never done that? I’m gonna chalk it up to you not knowing it was an option. Every year the Great College Football Genie grants 13 wishes. Since you guys didn’t know about it, I’ll take care of all of ours this season.

Wish No. 1 Halt Offseason Woes

The Memorial Day plague on our house struck again this year, claiming two more victims. It’s a long and winding offseason, but I’d like to see the rest of it go off without a hitch. No more trouble, no more stupid mistakes and no more suspensions or dismissals. Let’s see the Buckeyes enter the 2014 season at full strength (or as close to full as possible, I see you Noah Spence).

Wish No. 2 Grant Them Good Health Against The Midshipmen

This request is a little more trying than it might seem on the surface, but I know you have the power to grant it Great College Football Genie. You see, Navy runs a pretty scary offense, particularly for the knees of defensive linemen. If you could find it in your greatness to see the Buckeye defense through this trying test unscathed, I don’t know how I’ll repay you, but I will Great College Football Genie…oh I will.

Wish No. 3 Give Columbus The Loudest Crowd in the Country Against Va. Tech

The Buckeye opener is in Baltimore, so the first home game of 2014 will take place

Get Loud
Some wishes are a given.

against Frank Beamer’s boys. The Hokies will roll into Columbus looking to flex a little ACC muscle, but they’ll be forced to do so with an inexperienced QB. Mark Leal, a redshirt senior, has the most game action of the unit, tossing just four passes during the 2013 regular season. He’ll compete against Brenden Motley, Andrew Ford and Texas Tech transfer, Michael Brewer, for the starting gig. Whoever gets the nod should have to operate their offense without the ability to hear a thing. This is my third wish GCFG.

Wish No. 4 Continue the Streak

Ohio State hasn’t lost a football game to another Ohio School since 1924. Can we continue this success against Kent State? Thank you Great One.

Wish No. 5 (See wish No. 4…does this count as two separate wishes? Just checking.)

Same here against Cincinnati. Thanks. Please see note above about wish count. Just want to clear that up.

Wish No. 6 Grant Grant the Confidence

Doran Grant will go against one of the finest wide receivers in the conference (country?) in Maryland’s Stefon Diggs. Allow him to step up to the plate and show Buckeye Nation he’s the next great thing at corner. He’ll bring the talent, you deliver the confidence.

Wish No. 7 Introduce Rutgers To Noah Spence

Due to suspension, Spence’s first B1G home game will come against the Scarlet Knights. Allow him to celebrate in style, going off on Rutgers’ running game, which ranked 100th in the nation a year ago, averaging just 129 yards a contest. There’s only room for one Scarlet in the B1G East. Give Spence the tenacity to show them which one can stay, and which one can take a hike.

Wish No. 8 Make Christian Hackenberg Feel the Loss of Allen Robinson

Star Nittany Lion wide receiver, Allen Robinson, was selected in the second round by the

Goodbye best WR. Hello defensive lineman.

Jacksonville Jaguars. His departure means 97 receptions, 1,432 yards and 6 touchdowns are walking out the door. To put things in perspective, the leading returning wide receiver caught just 18 passes total in 2013. Quarterback, Christian Hackenberg, is talented, but even with Robinson he had a bear of a time against the Buckeyes last season. This year he gets the Scarlet and Gray in Happy Valley, but allow him to feel the heat of not having a safety net. Much obliged.

Wish No. 9 Allow Elliot To Go Hyde on Illinois

The Fighting Illini ranked 116th in rush yards allowed last season, giving up 238 rush yards a game. You might remember a certain Buckeye taking advantage of that porous defense last year. This season it’ll most likely be Ezekiel Elliot getting the carries so please allow him to channel his inner-El-Guapo against Illinois. Thank you in advance.

Wish No. 10 Open Up the No-Fly-Zone  

Michigan State’s No-Fly-Zone made things incredibly difficult for Braxton Miller last year. The two-time Silver Football winner completed just 8 passes for 101 yards (his lowest output of the season) in the B1G championship game. I don’t want a repeat of that performance. Clear Braxton for take-off and give him one of the most efficient passing-games of his career.

Wish No. 11 Avoid The Trap

Since you’ll be granting No. 9, the Buckeyes should be coming off a win heading into Minneapolis. On paper this looks like a win, but that’s exactly what I want the Scarlet and Gray to avoid. Give the Buckeyes the presence of mind to recognize this is clearly a trap game. With that mental clarity, there’s no doubt they’ll leave Minnesota unscathed.

Wish No. 12 Keep It Real

This one’s not too difficult. Let Ohio State be Ohio State, let Indiana be Indiana. The rest should iron itself out.

Wish No. 13 Just Win Baby

Last but certainly not least. Allow the Buckeyes to get their 11th win against Michigan in 13 years. I don’t care how you get it done. A Gardner melt-down, a Hoke misstep (due to lack of head-set?), or the Buckeye defense completely shutting down the Wolverines to make up for a poor performance last season.

BONUS WISH (assuming extra wish based on note from wish No. 5)

Grant Brady Hoke a contract extension.

Thanks Great College Football Genie. Pleasure doing business with you.


Comments Show All Comments


Thanks Great College Football Genie. Pleasure doing business with you.

Jeff, tell me you didn't sell your soul for this list! ;p

"I don't apologize for anything.  When I make a mistake, I take the blame and go on from there." - Woody Hayes

+6 HS
Jeff Beck's picture

Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes.

buckeyeradar's picture

One more wish, just give us a chance to play for the National Championship.

I may not be the sharpest crayon in the box but I'm one of the most colorful.

+6 HS
BroJim's picture

The bonus wish is my favorite. 

I season my simple food with hunger

DrSpaceman's picture

Don't think the bonus wish counts... considering we already got a bonus with two #7's ;)

"Medicine is not a science" - Leo Spaceman

Earle's picture

Just 13 wishes?  Just to be safe, I'll wish for wins in ten regular season games, the B1G Championship, and two playoff games.  I don't think we'll need a genie for Kent or Indiana.

Snarkies gonna snark. 

+1 HS
bucknasty13's picture

Where was your wish for more wishes?

+1 HS
osugreg04's picture

You're missing the wish I hope for every game... GET UP BRAXTON!

+10 HS
Dougger's picture

I only have two!!! Bring home the B1G title and a shiny crystal football. Send Braxton out with some real hardware and further solidify Urban as one of the nation's best

I like football

+1 HS
THEOSUfan's picture

Wish #1 is huge.  If certain players get into trouble between now and August, it could derail the rest of the list.

It's not that hard to avoid getting into serious trouble.  It's really a forumula: bars/clubs + too much alcolhol + 12-4 AM = arrest and/or suspension.  That combination seems to account for most of the trouble players get themselves into. So go to a club, but don't drink too much, and get out of there before midnight.  But chances are that somebody(s) won't be able to quite pull that off.

+1 HS
Posterchild's picture

I only need one wish, that the Buckeyes win 15 games this season.

+4 HS
Hovenaut's picture

I only have one wish, good Genie.

May we add to this list below - the old-fashioned, "hey - we aren't Auburn" way?


+4 HS
kmp10's picture

As long as we're wishing… make the off season for football, college and the NFL, shorter. The NHL takes about 3.5 months off (end of the Stanley Cup to next regular season game). I know football is the most physical of sports (even tho a few NHL fans I know disagree), and having only played through high school I have no idea how much time is needed to physically recover at the next levels… but selfishly I wish it was considerably less than 8(ish) months. The season is MUCH too short and the off season MUCH too long. 

+1 HS
Ahh Saturday's picture

Keep Braxton Miller healthy!

+2 HS
TheShookster's picture

That's my only wish. He deserves to have one of the best years a QB at Ohio State has ever had. 

He ain't even stretch doe!!

+1 HS
buckeyepastor's picture

Wishes - 1. no major injuries (and none at all at positions where we lack depth)

2. Raise up the next trio/quartet of play-making, scary-good receivers. The last couple of seasons we've had one or two very good receivers, a lot of just good receivers, and no great ones.  Defenses have at most only had to worry about double-teaming one guy, and good defenses didn't really bother double-teaming anyone, and we couldn't make them pay.  May this be the year that Zach Smith earns his salary in-season, and not just as a stellar recruiter.  Sorry, people.  I know he's a Buckeye to the core and Earle's grandson, but with a senior QB, year three of the Meyer / Herman offense, and a number of talented young guys no longer too young to make an impact, it is time for this team to present a passing game that must be taken seriously.  I get that teams stack against the run because we have a great run game, and they still couldn't stop us, but we need to stop making it so painless and easy for teams to cheat in their safeties.  I think OSU gets in the title game when we become a team that may not pass for 250 a game, but that has a fleet of receivers too deep with talent to play one on one.

3.  Grant us solid play from linebackers.   We should have the corners and DL to take some pressure off them this year, but this has to  stop being the position group that is most vulnerable.   

4.  Grant us a 4 quarter mentality, and a truly angry football team.   The overall stats for this team and the turn-around of the last two years has been stellar, but also inconsistent.  We've gotten it done, but just about every game are streaks of exemplary play interspersed with perplexing stretches of play for a quarter or more that is unfocused and undisciplined.   I'm not saying grant that we win every quarter.  I'm saying grant that we don't have a quarter a lot of Saturdays where we look inept or as if we're coasting.   

5.  Grant us an upward trajectory from September - January.  In most respects, in terms of results, Meyer is as good or better than Tressel.  In recruiting, in keeping his team focused, in bringing the best out of his players, in setting them up for success on the field.  Maybe it's just me, and I'm sure that injuries have played a part, but it has felt like physically and emotionally this team has been fading as it approaches the end of the year.   One thing about most of Tressel's teams was that they always seemed to get better as the year went on.  They'd have speed bumps and infuriating close calls, but there was this improvement that seemed to build from week 1 to week 12.   It's felt a bit shaky the last couple of years in that respect.   With some exceptions, I don't see as much of guys making a big leap in performance from September - November.   In other words, grant that we are at our peak, physically and mentally, going into November and beyond.   


"Woody would have wanted it that way" 

+1 HS
Earle's picture

I wish for an Urban Meyer defense like the one we saw in January 2007.

I wish for a consistent deep threat at WR.

I wish for a running game that is more dependent on a deep stable of talented running backs than on an often fragile (if insanely talented) QB.

I wish for offensive play-calling that doesn't out-think itself in critical situations.


If I get those wishes, I'll feel pretty good about our chances in any game.



Snarkies gonna snark. 

+2 HS
cjmgobucks's picture

Jeez, this article got the butterflies going in my stomach.  It's only June.  I'm not supposed to feel this way until right before kickoff...!!

"When I look in the mirror, I want to take a swing at me."

Wayne Woodrow Hayes

seafus26's picture

I need just 3 wishes. 

1. Walk through the regular season cake walk healthy and unscathed while getting better each week.

2. In playoff game against one of the elite programs in the country, play mistake free football and take it to them resulting in a trip to the national title game.

3. Kick the ever living crap out of whatever top program draws our rath.

Bonus: have the spirit of Woody Hayes show up at the trophy presentation and congratulate Urban and company while managing to get a snipe about how michigan is probably at home getting tucked in by the mothers after watching Ohio State win another.

Go Bucks and michigan STILL SUCKS!

FitzBuck's picture

I wish Braxton to have an historic Senior season without injury and for everything to finally click.

I wish the silver bullets are finally back and better than ever.

I wish for the best special team units in the country.

Fitzbuck | Toledo - Ohio's right armpit | "A troll by any other name is still a troll".