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Ohio State Fake News Roundup 5/19

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May 19, 2017 at 4:24pm

JT BARRETT'S MIXTAPE "FIFTH YEAR STARTER" DROPS--REVIEW

Since the March announcement of his debut trip-hop mixtape, fans (and haters) of Ohio State quarterback JT Barrett have been awaiting the release. Now that mixtape, "Fifth Year Starter," is out, and it's already living up to the hype. Seven tracks long, the mixtape is a blend of trip-hop and dirty south rap with infusions of neo-soul and R&B at points, such as in the ballad-like "Gentleman" featuring Katy Perry. The highpoint of the mixtape is without a doubt the stellar 9-minute track "Can't Stop Won't Stop" featuring Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, and Killer Mike where Barrett brilliantly subverts the entire point of hip hop by rhyming the line "You can't bench me" seven times in a row.

Overall rating: 4.5 stars

Below is a track listing:

1. Roll-Call-2:03

2. Fifth Year Starter-4:39 (feat. Chance the Rapper)

3. Can't Stop Won't Stop-9:02 (feat. Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, Killer Mike)

4. Gentleman-4:21 (feat. Katy Perry)

5. Weenie Arm (I ain't got one)-5:01 (feat. Cardale Jones)

6. The Ballad of Joey Touchdowns-4:42 (feat. Neil Diamond)

7. Go Deep-3:25

KEVIN WILSON CONTRACT DETAILS HAMMERED OUT

Earlier it was reported by Eleven Warriors that first-year Ohio State OC Kevin Wilson would receive a base salary of around $650,000. Ohio State has since released an addendum of the agreement that should mollify at least one former-Indiana head coach. In addition to his base salary, Kevin Wilson is to receive from the university a $100,000 giftcard to Five Guys Burgers and Fries for the year of 2017.

"It's a great victory for democracy and mankind," Wilson said to reporters as he absolutely demolished a double bacon burger (that's a bacon burger inside of a larger bacon burger).

 PETITION STARTED TO ALTER WOODY HAYES STATUE

As has been reported on Eleven Warriors, there is currently a drive among Ohio State faithful to have a statue of legendary coach Woody Hayes erected in Hayes' hometown of Newcomerstown. Last night an additional petition appeared online that's already gained 127,000 signatures in the space of seventeen hours. The petition calls for the statue to feature a propane-powered flamethrower apparatus that would allow the statue to breathe fire from its mouth in the direction of the Michigan border. The estimated cost of such a modification would come out to around $150,000 with an additional $100,000 per year to pay for upkeep and a constant supply of propane gas.

Yet another petition has appeared in the last three hours, which has gathered roughly 700 signatures which would equip the statue with facial recognition software and an articulate right arm that would punch anyone wearing a Clemson hat who strayed into the statue's range.

 

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