When I was 16, I knew a lot more about the world than I do now. One thing thing I was wrong about, however, was Comedy Central's Chappelle Show. I guess my erudite teen ways were just too high brow for a show I now consider to be one of the funniest shows ever aired. (Even the Player Hater's Ball deleted scenes are hysterical, and Silky Johnson is my moral compass.) Such is life.
I tell this anecdote only because it applies to our business here today: GIFs. (It's pronounced like the only brand of peanut butter worth buying, you idiot blasphemers.) I used to be a curmudgeon when it came to GIFs, but like Vine after it, the art form grew on me much like moss on a tree.
When I now look upon such "classics" as Mona Lisa's selfie, I am anything but impressed; my flea-like attention span demands an endless loop of animation. And while college football isn't yet on a continual loop, we can memorialize this past season with the highest honor possible in 2014: The 10 GIF Salute.
Number 10: MORELIKEDEVINWEEDEN.GIF
This list kicks off with the worst interception I saw thrown in 2013, and that's saying something because I watched every single pass Brandon Weeden threw this year as well. At least when Weeden attempted his famous Sweden Scoop and it was subsequently intercepted, he wasn't standing in his own endzone.
This game was in late September, when Michigan was still cloying to the illusion they were a respectable football team. The gypsy illusion was almost shattered that night, but the Wolverines were able to hold on to claim victory over a Tommy Rees-led team THAT SOMEHOW BEAT MICHIGAN STATE.
Number 9: DRONESTRIKE.GIF
Eric Striker is a name that will sound familiar to anybody who watched the 2014 Sugar Bowl, but long before he came in like a wrecking ball against Cyrus Kouandjio's draft stock, he was almost indicted for manslaughter in Texas for this hit against Case McCoy in the Red River Rivalry. The play wasn't flagged.
It's worth noting Case McCoy threw for 190(!) yards and two touchdowns in the upset bid of the Oklahoma Sooners.
Number 8: TREXTAPDANCE.GIF
It's been a little under three months since Alabama ripped open Louisiana State University on national television, but this GIF still makes me laugh, and that was before some patriot added in the scene from Jurassic Park.
Don't hurt 'em with the T-Rex Crip Walk, nerdy LSU student!!!!
Number 7: NOTREDAME2013SEASON.GIF
Fighting Irish failure is always a welcomed occurrence in these parts, and DAMN IS RUDY CRUNK AS HELL IN THIS GIF.
Just kidding of course, Rudy is too busy using his faux-celebrity to scam people out of eleven million dollars.
And no, I've never seen Rudy. I'd rather watch my girlfriend go on a date with Bert Beliema than be subjugated to Notre Dame propaganda.
Number 6: NOTAHIPHOPCOACH.GIF
Honestly, this whole list could be composed of LSUfreek GIFs, but he hit this one farther out of the park than usual (and that's saying something).
And just in case you doubt this represents the scene in Austin, here's a Texas super-booster/white man named "Red" only yesterday:
I think the whole thing is a bit sideways. I don't have any doubt that Charlie is a fine coach. I think he would make a great position coach, maybe a coordinator.
Really makes you think, huh? Eat the bread everyone.
Number 5: JFFSIGNANDSLING.GIF
I've been on the Johnny Manziel swag-wagon since this summer, and this GIF is the best JFF-effort of the 2013 season.
I've also been on the "Manziel-to-the-Browns" swag-wagon for a minute, but Johnny, I'm not sure the Cleveland offensive line will give you enough time to sign every touchdown ball you throw in the pros. (For the record, Manziel is officially turning pro.)
Number 4: MICHIGANISHIGHASHELL.GIF
This GIF is spectacular in its majesty.
The sketch-ball bro in the top left corner has the look Noah Spence should have given to the kid who offered him a Molly-spiked drink at that campus party. The sketch-ball bro is truly the unsung hero here.
Janine Huelsman, the girl in the front row of this GIF, claims she wasn't drunk. Was she high or just borderline catatonic after watching Indiana drop 47 on Michigan? These are the questions that will keep me up tonight.
Number 3: CLEMSONBRO.GIF
True story, I found this GIF by Google Image searching "Clemson Bro GIF."
There's a lot going on with this GIF, starting with it looking like David Pollack is creepily winking at us. But then, like a phoenix rising out of the ashes, the Clemson Bro surges out of the depths and owns this GIF like Leo DiCaprio carrying The Wolf of Wall Street.
What's the most humorous thing he could be "drinking," you ask? The best answer I came up with: hot Aunt Jemima's syrup.
Number 2: DOWNGOESGARDNER.GIF
A year after being the losing subject in the most iconic image of the Michigan-Ohio State rivalry this side of 2000, Devin Gardner again embodies "Michigan failure" in this GIF captured moments after he threw a game-ending interception to Tyvis Powell.
Broken; defeated; the only way this could be more erotic to me is if the next scene was of Taylor Lewan crying a single drop of blood. I wish I could frame this and put it next to my alarm clock.
Number 1: MARCUSHALLISONTWO.GIF
The number one GIF is not only Ohio State football's best GIF of 2013, but college football's as well.
It's been a little over two months, and this is STILL THE MOST BAD ASS GIF I'VE EVER SEEN. And so it shall remain, until I see a GIF of a cat smoking a Newport or something like that next week.
Marcus Hall, take a bow, son, you exemplify not giving a damn for the whole state of Michigan.