The Dubgate Doesn't Care About Reality Distortion Fields

By DJ Byrnes on November 2, 2013 at 6:00a

One of the top five worst hangovers occurred during Ohio State at Purdue in 2009 when Terrelle Pryor had a horrific four turnovers. (I assume the hangover Terrelle played with was as crippling as mine.) Boy, do I really get boiled by Purdue; they're from the most boring part of maybe the most boring state in the country. If Ohio State loses today, then there might be some sort of dark magic on Ross-Ade stadium. 

No motivational speech is needed for a game like this. Just roll out there and handle the business; gypsy curses be damned.

The goal today is simple: keep everybody healthy during an easy win against a vastly inferior opponent and hope Alabama, Florida State or Oregon lose.


Oh... this isn't going to be as easy as it should be, huh? Damn West Lafayette to Hell. 

I blame their high school facilities. Quit skimming money off the B1G's honeypot and invest in your shitty program. It was cute when you were a pesky mid-table team with Drew Brees slanging that rock. Now you've let yourself go and sit around smoking weed and watching Netflix every day. It's embarrassing for everybody involved.



With a win against Purdue today, the current Ohio State winning streak will move even closer to the school's all-time longest record. Here's a look at the top five streaks as of right now:

22 – 1967-69 (at Michigan, 24-12)
20 – 2012-13 (current)
19 – 2005-06 (vs Florida, 41-14)
19 – 2002-03 (at Wisconsin, 17-10)
17 – 1915-17 (tied Auburn, 0-0)

As General Sherman said as he lit his victory stogie in the raging flames consuming downtown Atlanta: "I fucking love winning."


This early slate is less appetizing than somebody's half-eaten Subway found in a garbage can. The best non-OSU game, at least from where I'm sitting, is (24) Wisconsin at Iowa. (Whatever the over/under on the phrase "big-boy football" gets uttered, take the over.) The only other game featuring a ranked team is South Carolina as 12 and a half point favorites over Mississippi State.

Perhaps an OSU-Purdue noon banger being the best game on television was all part of the master-plot hatched by Jim Delany when he walked away from that ESPN bargaining table so long ago. Hard to argue with the plan right now.

Here's an early game slate before Ohio State puts its foot up Purdue's ass and we await the same fate of the Michigan Wolverines (#RollSparty):

Kickoff (ET) Matchup TV Internet Favorite
12:00 p.m. Army at Air Force ESPNU Watch ESPN AF (-1)
12:00 p.m. Illinois at Penn State ESPN WatchESPN PSU (-11)
12: 00 p.m. (24) Wisconsin at Iowa ABC ABC WISC (-10)
12:00 p.m. Virginia Tech at Boston College ESPN2 WatchESPN VT (-5)
12:21 p.m. Mississippi State at (14) South Carolina SEC WatchESPN SCAR (-12.5)



Comments Show All Comments

cplunk's picture

I don't think that was General Sherman's exact quote, but he was torching SEC country (even if it was currently unranked Georgia) so its all good.

gwalther's picture

As General Sherman said as he lit his victory stogie in the raging flames consuming downtown Atlanta: "I fucking love winning."

This quote is phenomenal. What makes it so great is that it's 100% accurate and attributed to the right source, just like the quotes on the walls of the Browns training facility. 

Class of 2008

buckguyfan1's picture

These early games suck!  

Seattle Linga's picture

You think it's early where you live - I'm in PST. I need some later starts and I think next week might be the same against Illy.

Hoody Wayes's picture

The "Dubgate" is virtual.
This is real:

stcburn's picture

Jim Delany, you sly dog, master seer.

BeijingBucks's picture

I got my money this weekend on 'Da Bucks'

None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. ~ John Milton

buckeyedude's picture

do I really get boiled by Purdue; they're from the most boring part of maybe the most boring state in the country. 

I lived my whole life in the state of Ohio, with the exception of two years recently in the state of Indiana, and I can agree DJ, that it is the most boring state ever. It was the worst two years of my life and although I was only a few hours drive from home, I might as well have been in fricking Siberia. The only redeeming thing about that state is that the taxes are very low compared to Ohio's. There's is less than half of Ohio's. And the county I lived in didn't even have a county or village tax. Don't know if that's true statewide.



Haybucks's picture

I just enjoy seeing pics of derailed P trains.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. -  Mark Twain


Seattle Linga's picture

I can't get enough of this train crash - it's captivating in a very weird way.

Indy_Buck87's picture

Well I lived 32 years in ohio....18 in Marion DJs favorite, another 13 in CBUS working on hanging 3 OSU degrees on the wall and now 11 in Indy. There is no difference both are boring. Actually I give Indy the nod over CBUS with the exception of the fall. But since they made buckeye tailgating like going to church that is even questionable.

I know of only two things that are infinite, space and human stupidity.....and I'm not sure about space". Albert Einstein.

Abe Froman's picture

I wouldn't call Indiana the most boring state ever.  The do have bowling alleys.  Before you fellas living in your mom's basement get all fired up and your panties get all bunched up, let me state that I lived in Kentuckiana (that's the region bordering Kentucky and Indiana for all you geography nuts) for 3 years.  I found it an interesting study in psychology as most people couldn't care less of college football, but basketball ruled.  Back then in the early 90's, some hated Bob Knight while others wanted to felate him.  If it wasn't for the total separation of camps, I would have been bored.  But then I had Jamie Skelton draining 3's while I was sheering in a bowling alley listening to Right Said Fred......

Basking in the wake of mediocrity.....

buckeye_heart's picture

The boilermakers better be ready for our train!

Seattle Linga's picture

Nice video Heart but I guess they weren't quite ready for us. 

TMill's picture

Tehre are some facility improvements coming. After this season the south end zone bleachers are supposed to get ripped out with something new going there (the plans aren't finalized yet). Also, I think there may be a new visitor's locker room.

Your friendly site manager of SB Nation's Purdue site, Hammer & Rails.

bucksfan92's picture

I went to the '04 game @Purdue and you have nailed it.  That place was like a frozen desert - flat as a table, barren looking, cold, windy as hell, downright depressing.  Then the stadium.  Oh. My God.  High school is right.  We were sitting in one of the end zones, about 3/4 of the way up, and all of a sudden the steps felt different, like hollow, but looked the same as the lower ones.  When I went back down to go to the bathroom, I looked up from inside hte concourse and saw why.  The upper half of the stadium is metal bleachers painted to LOOK like concrete, but isn't concrete at all! 

bucknut3011's picture

It's a goat field.

Hovenaut's picture

Actually thinking about going along with my three year old, wife and mother in law to a holiday craft show.

Damn, this is tough.

Baroclinicity's picture

Record it, Hove.

When you're holding a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Abe Froman's picture

Skip it ..... Meet me at Luckys in Hilliard.  That's my plan.

Basking in the wake of mediocrity.....

KillrNut's picture

In their 3 Big Ten games so far, Purdue has been outscored 99-17. Looking for that trend to continue today.
GO BUCKS! 21 in a row today!

sarasotabcg's picture

For as boring as Indiana is, Arkansas is America's armpit.

Seattle Linga's picture

Especially now that Bert is there coaching

Seattle Linga's picture

Don't forget Kansas


Bert + Arkansas = desolate pit hell
Charlie Weis + Kansas = desolate pit of hell
Coincidence? I think not!

"Sherman ran an option play right through the south" - Greatest Civil War analogy EVER.

Seattle Linga's picture

Classic - I totally forgot about that - thanks for the reminder

Dublin68's picture

Thank you DJ for the nice post
small correction:
19 – 2002-03 (at Wisconsin, 17-10)
We won the NCG in Jan 2003 against U and we lost to Wisky the following season 2003-2004 to end the 19 games streak

4thandinches's picture

Apparently no one here has been west of the Mississippi. Try driving through New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, and West Texas to name a few.

I wasn't born a Buckeye but I became one as fast as I could.