Sun & Bluesday: Bye Week All-Stars

By Johnny Ginter on October 29, 2013 at 11:15a
40 Comments
WE BEAT INDIANA!!1!

The second and final Bye week for the Michigan Wolverines was needed, as the team returned their glucose levels back to normal after the sugar high that was the Indiana game. 751 yards of offense will do that to a team, and right now it looks like Michigan may not be the hot mess offensively that it was thought to be before playing one of the worst defenses in the country.

Weird how that works out! And convenient timing too, because Michigan now has to step up and take on the best defense in the country (by actually a pretty wide margin, statistically) and hope that insane bombs to Jeremy Gallon work just as well against Sparty as they did against the Hoosiers.

Also: RIVALRY GAME! Lost of neat information to go through in this Bye Week edition of Sun & Bluesday, so check out some of this week's Michigan happenings after the jump.

The Green Man Cometh

Michigan faces a pretty bigass test this coming weekend against Little Brother, and people are not wasting time making comparisons between the two. The Lansing State Journal gets into the act by trying to determine who comes out on top in the coaching department and surprise! It's the dude that they cover most closely.

At this point I think Hoke versus Dantonio is kind of a wash; Hoke obviously has some failings, including his stubbornness and lack of creativity. Dantonio has proven himself to be a very trisky Hobbit when it comes to gameday coaching, but he also hired Jim Bollman to be his offensive coordinator. Honestly I'm looking forward to possibly the most scintillating sideline matchup since Tressel versus Ferentz (or Hoke versus O'Brien).

SIXTEEN BUTTS

Jake Butt is a Michigan tight end who has tallied all of seven catches in 2013, and exactly one catch in the last three games. Which makes him a somewhat unlikely topic for ESPN to write about, much less devote 887 words to (16 of which were "butt"). However this adulation isn't without rhyme or reason:

That emergence from Butt as a blocking tight end created a domino effect of sorts. It allowed Funchess to move and become a more effective offensive threat, and Funchess’ performances have made wide receiver Jeremy Gallon more effective, too. All of this together makes Michigan more multiple in its attack and more difficult to scheme against, which will be crucial as the Wolverines face the No. 1 defense in the nation this weekend in Michigan State.

Butt can block. And that's good for Michigan, because their offensive line is the functional equivalent of a wet paper bag trying to contain a 15 pound ham. If he can continue to be an effective blocker, that added dimension means that Michigan is now a team with two dimensions. That's pretty... good.

THE GREATEST DEFENSE IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL HISTORY

I mentioned earlier that Michigan State is, statistically, the best defense in the country. That's a 100% true life fact; Sparty is giving up only 215 yards of total offense per game, and the next lowest total is Louisville with 244.

To give that a little more context, Michigan State has only given up a total of 1724 yards in 486 plays this season. Florida is next in total yards given up with 1912, but they've accomplished that feat in a) one fewer game, b) 74 fewer opponent plays, and c) are giving up over a yard per play more than the spartans.

MLive.com has some choice quotes from Hoke about the quality of the defense that they're playing, and this one stuck out at me the most:

"Really, their defense is as good as any. That's going to be a big challenge for us. Probably five or six pro players on that defense. They do a nice job with it."

How many pro players are on the Michigan offense? One? Maybe?

A.J. NOOOOOOOO

Michigan will have to take on that defense without the assistance of tight end A.J. Williams, who was suspended from the team following an arrest in Oxford, Ohio for drinking and driving. Cool dude, you managed to get arrested for one of the douchiest crimes in the douchiest city in Ohio. No word on how Brady Hoke plans to replace his zero receptions for zero yards, but let it be known that if Michigan loses to Michigan State on Saturday, we can all thank A.J. for his role in the defeat.

RETURN OF WOJO

Last time I did one of these, I found one of the most ridiculous/insane articles I have ever seen a dude get paid to write. This time I picked a Wojo article from the 25th which isn't quite as ridiculous but does feature his favorite go-to diseases for use in jokes:

It’s the final season of the Big Ten’s Legionnaires and Lepers divisions, and it’s up to the Spartans or Wolverines to protect the state’s honor against the Buckeyes, who inexplicably received a bye into the championship game.

Then he uses the same joke again in the same column. I'm telling you guys, without hyperbole Bob Wojnowski is the greatest writer of his generation. Period.

Anyway, that's all for this week, next week Ace will be back and he and I will break down the Michigan State game by sorting through the wreckage wrought by two offensive coordinators with the same age (58) and the same football mentality (1940s).

40 Comments

Comments

BuckeyeFreak4844's picture

I think Sparty wins this one and Denard i mean Gardner will probably throw three punt picks.  One  Two for six. 
 
Then they will all look like this.

Michigan Sucks!

RedsBuckeyeBoy's picture

She is easily the best looking scUM fan I've ever seen!!

NitroBuck's picture

The mouth breather or the one on the left with all the facial hair?

Ferio, tego

RedsBuckeyeBoy's picture

The mouth breather...and even though it is true, it wasn't meant as a compliment!

Buckeyevstheworld's picture

She is easily the best looking scUM fan I've ever seen!!

I take it you've never seen Kate Upton: 

 

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

Hello_Heisman's picture

+1 because.....well yeah.  Would an OSU fan sleeping with Kate Upton be the equivalent of tasting the forbidden fruit?  Or would fan allegiances not really matter for those 2-4 minutes of glory?
 

60% of the time it works.....every time

Buckeyevstheworld's picture

Or would fan allegiances

Doesn't mean a thing to me when it comes to women.

2-4 minutes of glory?

2-4 minutes? I ain't Superman.

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

Oldschoolbuck's picture

I know this poor lass said she wasn't drunk & I'll take her at her word; however, it's too bad Missagain didn't have their prescription pill recall program in place before this picture was taken.

The Butler's picture

This week, Michigan and Michigan St will set the record for fewest yards gained in B1G history...

hail2victors9's picture

How many pro players are on the Michigan offense? One? Maybe?

I'll take the over.
 

Those who stay will be CHAMPIONS!
~Bo Schembechler

LeftCoastBuck's picture

Lewan will make it and stick. As for the others....I am sure that any of them will have the same success as one of the greatest players ever to come out of TTUN: Denard Robinson!
In Detard's 17 plays in the NFL, he has dropped a fake handoff, a screen pass (lol), and has 25 yards in 11 attempts. If he learns to butt-fumble he can take Sanchez's job

"To crush the Wolverines, to see them driven from their stadium, and to hear the lamentation of their fans" Conan the Barbarian (paraphrased) on "what is best in life."

Seattle Linga's picture

How is Denards eating plan gone so far in the NFL? How many wins do the Jags have?
 
Ok just checking..............

LeftCoastBuck's picture

He seems to be a bit anorexic....either that or his dreds have just overgrown his helmet and my sense of scale is off

"To crush the Wolverines, to see them driven from their stadium, and to hear the lamentation of their fans" Conan the Barbarian (paraphrased) on "what is best in life."

Seattle Linga's picture

Well played Left Coast - I like your style

hail2victors9's picture

Yeah, I don't know how you define a pro player.  A player that is drafted?  A player that makes an NFL roster?  A guy that makes a significant impact for X amount of time?
Lewan
Schofield
Gallon
Funchess
Gardner
They all have a good shot at the pros.  Not necessarily in their current roles, but in some capacity.
RE: Denard
I don't think anyone was really expecting him to do anything in the NFL.  Certainly doesn't help that he's not getting many touches and plays for one of the 3 worst teams in the league.

Those who stay will be CHAMPIONS!
~Bo Schembechler

LeftCoastBuck's picture

You'd be surprised at how many in your fanbase thought that DR was going to set the league on fire. FWIW, my take on your list
Lewan; Eventual starter depending on where he lands
Schofield: Just not quick enough for the league's man-eating DE's
Gallon: Sorry, but at 5-8, not a snowball's chance in hell
Funchess: Good upside if fast enough to move to WR, but as a TE in the league too light
Gardner: As a QB? See my comments on Detard
 

"To crush the Wolverines, to see them driven from their stadium, and to hear the lamentation of their fans" Conan the Barbarian (paraphrased) on "what is best in life."

MN Buckeye's picture

Lewan and Gallon, probably.
Funchess, maybe.
Schofield and Gardner, unlikely.
Just MO

Hovenaut's picture

Bollman.

Borges.

Worlds collide.....I'm putting (extra) duct tape around the man cave tv for this title fight.

"Success...it's what you do with what you got" - Woody Hayes

LeftCoastBuck's picture

Sparty may not have much of an offense, but Gardner will provide them with enough turnovers to put up some points directly, or through short fields. Borges has nothing in his bag of tricks that Dantonio and his boys can't adjust to in a couple of series. Beyond that, Sparty is going to be all over Gardner like Hoke on a donut and Gardner will be ....well....himself. scUM has two targets that can actually do something as receivers, which will leave Sparty to put a spy on Gardner to prevent him from getting loose.
A low scoring affair with scUM scoring less.

"To crush the Wolverines, to see them driven from their stadium, and to hear the lamentation of their fans" Conan the Barbarian (paraphrased) on "what is best in life."

Hello_Heisman's picture

I see a similar outcome, unfortunately, but am hoping that Gardner proves me wrong.  It won't get much traction on this site but as a pure QB, I think he's much better than Denard.  Gardner does have the ability to sit back in the pocket and actually make passes that look like a legit QB, plus he's mobile.  His problem is still on the decision making front.  Frankly, he looks like a guy who's started a total of 12 games at QB in his college career.  Sometimes he's unstoppable, and other times he's a disaster.  Against a team like MSU, he's the kind of player who can either win or lose that game by himself. 

60% of the time it works.....every time

BeijingBucks's picture

no one on this site will argue with your take that Gardner is a much better pure passing QB than Denard...
... but you have to take that into context.  That doesn't mean anyone here thinks he's actually that good either.

 

 

None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. ~ John Milton

Corvas's picture

This is going to be the second coming of that 6-4 PSU-Iowa game.
A return to classic Big Ten football.

LeftCoastBuck's picture

 
Bellomy: "Hey Taylor, what happens of I lick my hands and grab that wire that is jumping all over the ground"
Lewan: "I don't know man, but you'll probably start throwing the ball like Denard"
Glad that they came out to help, but it sounds like the smartest thing that they did was listen to the guy that told them what to do

"To crush the Wolverines, to see them driven from their stadium, and to hear the lamentation of their fans" Conan the Barbarian (paraphrased) on "what is best in life."

hail2victors9's picture

If Bellomy threw like Denard, he'd be better off.

Those who stay will be CHAMPIONS!
~Bo Schembechler

LeftCoastBuck's picture

+1 and a good point

"To crush the Wolverines, to see them driven from their stadium, and to hear the lamentation of their fans" Conan the Barbarian (paraphrased) on "what is best in life."

Seattle Linga's picture

A low scoring affair 9-3 would be awesome

Ethos's picture

I don't know why everyone thinks this will be such a low scoring affair.  Didn't MSU just have a few games with a lot of points?  I don't see Michigan's D that much better then MSU's previous opponnents in those games.  I predict a win by two TD's for MSU.

"What do you need water for, Sunshine?!" - Coach Coombs, if you don't love this man, you have no soul.

Earle's picture

I have to take issue with Dantonio as a tricksy Hobbit.  No doubt he is shrewd, but the following will show his true nature:

 

Ethos's picture

if you hear him call the Big 10 championship ring his "precious"...then we need to start worrying.

"What do you need water for, Sunshine?!" - Coach Coombs, if you don't love this man, you have no soul.

USMC11917's picture

I am sorry but Smeagol is not actually a hobbit so you will have to recant the story. He specifically says that he was from a people much like or not so different from a hobbit. Not an actual hobbit? Welcome to the geekiest discussion of our era!!

Scarlet_Lutefisk's picture

"I guess they were of hobbit-kind; akin to the fathers of the fathers of the Stoors". - Gandalf the Grey (The Fellowship of the Ring)

In his letters Prof Tolkien had the following to say about the above passage:

"With regard to Gandalf certainly says at first 'I guess'; but that is in accordance with his character and wisdom. In more modern language he would have said 'I deduce', referring to matters that had not come under his direct observation, but on which he had formed a conclusion based on study. ...But he did not in fact doubt his conclusion: 'It is true all the same, etc.'"

Also, in Appendix B Deagol is called a Stoor, and the Stoors are one of the three branches of Hobbit folk (along with Fallohides & Harfoots).

USMC11917's picture

Yes sir, I read that after posting but in all actuality I was just trying to be a sarcastic geek. I could care less what he is but I love the fantasy topic. LOTR movies are my favorite. Wish there were more in the fantasy genre (That didn't suck). Feel free to post suggestions. Obviously, Game of Thrones is the closest thing I have found to challenging the success, or exceeding it, of LOTR.

Scarlet_Lutefisk's picture

For the love of Chesty don't call me sir.
I don't know your tastes & forgoing some of the well known flicks, some (not so) random fantasy suggestions:
The Last Unicorn - Rankin-Bass animated film, based on the the Peter S. Beagle novel of the same name. Beagle is a heartbreakingly beautiful writer and the movie does a solid job of translating his work.
Return to Oz - Kids movie, but surprisingly well done.
Beowulf & Grendel - Filmed in Iceland. If you hate Vikings with silly horned helmets & ridiculous weapons, this is the movie for you. Even the horses are historically accurate.
The 13th Warrior - You've probably seen it, but just in case...another take on Beowulf (based on Crichton's 'Eaters of the Dead').
The Dark Crystal - Jim Henson & Frank Oz deliver an all puppet epic. Seriously.
Dragonslayer - Somewhat slow pace, but one of the few fantasy films that takes itself completely seriously. Vermithrax Perjorative is the best film portrayal of a dragon thus far.
Princess Mononoke - You know what, just grab everything Hayao Miyazaki has done.
Everyone needs to watch the old Harryhausen flicks... Jason and the Argonauts, The Golden Voyage of Sinbad & Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger... at least once in their lives.
If you like modern/urban fantasy, are interested in Scandinavian folklore & don't mind subtitles then I highly recommend Trollhunter, Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale, & Thale.
 

45has2's picture

Two best defenses: Sparty and Loserville. They also have comparable schedules against offensive powerhouse after offensive powerhouse.

"I don't like nice people. I like tough, honest people." -W.W. Hayes

Buckeye_Mafia's picture

because their offensive line is the functional equivalent of a wet paper bag trying to contain a 15 pound ham.

No way a 15 pound ham makes it into a wet paper bag if Hoke is around.  Sorry...not happening... 

Adolphus Washington is half grizzly bear and half dragon | Noah Spence kills quarterbacks, just to watch them die.

Michael Citro's picture

I have to think this phrase was quite intentionally used in the ESPN article:

emergence from Butt

BeijingBucks's picture

I could see (smell?) that line coming from a mile away (or just outside the porta potty door)

 

 

None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. ~ John Milton

Seattle Linga's picture

Wow that joke really STINKS Citro..........