Fontball

By Jeff Beck on February 28, 2013 at 12:00p
21 Comments
FONTS

With spring ball about to start, I figured it was high time to answer the question plaguing the mind of every Buckeye fan for the entirety of the offseason: which fonts best exemplify the personality traits of key members of this OSU football team?

Fear not, Buckeye faithful. This is why they pay me the big bucks. I’ve done ample research and compiled all the necessary evidence. So let’s jump right into Fontball.

The Research: Straight from Wichita

The good people at Wichita State University conducted a barnburner of a study back in 2006 and here's what they found:

This study sought to determine if certain personalities and uses are associated with various fonts. Using an online survey, participants rated the personality of 20 fonts using 15 adjective pairs. In addition, participants viewed the same 20 fonts and selected which uses were most appropriate. Results suggested that personality traits are indeed attributed to fonts based on their design family.

So there you have it: personality traits are attributed to fonts. So now let’s take it a step further and map those fonts to the personalities of certain Ohio State football players. 

The Evidence: Fontacular Findings 

Cambria So Hard

Personality Trait: Stable

Buckeye Football Player: Carlos Hyde

If you need yards, you can count on Carlos to get them. The man is a rock. Nothing more stable than a rock.

Personality Trait: Flexible

Buckeye Football Player: Jordan Hall

What are you, Jordan? RB? WR? Punt returner? Percy Harvin? Doesn’t matter – you can do it all. (When you’re healthy…stay healthy).

Personality Trait: Mature

Buckeye Football Player: Adolphus Washington

Need a freshman to step in and fill the shoes of your team’s defensive leader during the Michigan game? No sweat. Adolphus has your back to the tune of a sack and a forced fumble.

Personality Trait: Assertive

Buckeye Football Player: Bradley Roby

He talks the talk, he walks the walk and he’s able to assert his dominance on the game from an island.

Personality Trait: Creative

Buckeye Football Player: Braxton Miller

He’s an artist out there. The field is his canvas and broken ankles are his watercolors. When it’s all said and done, the canvas is covered in watercolors.

Personality Trait: Exciting

Buckeye Football Player: Devin Smith

Devin Smith is exciting because no one else you know can do this. If you didn’t leave your seat in a sudden surge of ecstasy during this play, you’re dead.

Personality Trait: Masculine

Buckeye Football Player: Ryan Shazier

Ryan Shazier is a man. You know it, Ohio State knows it and Zach Maynard knows it.

Personality Trait: Happy

Buckeye Football Player: Kenny Guiton

The kid always has a smile on his face. I guess it's easy to be happy when you led one of the greatest Buckeye football comebacks of the decade.

Yes, Comic Sans again because why not? Dan Gilbert agrees.

Personality Trait: Youthful

Buckeye Football Coach: Kerry Coombs

This is how he acts in public. I can only imagine how he is in the locker room. Don’t let the gray fool you – Coombs is a kid in a candy store out there.

So there you have it, folks. Fonts have personality, and so does this Buckeye team. Advice to all upcoming opponents: don't meet Shazier in the open field. If you do, there's a strong chance he'll Rockwell Extra Bold you into next week.

21 Comments

Comments

droessl's picture

Was enjoying this a lot more before I saw Comic Sans.... twice.  C'mon man! 
 
at least no one got stuck with Papyrus. 

Vico's picture

No one is Computer Modern Roman. I am disappoint. :-(

I can't believe I ate the whole thing.

SMP's picture

Wingdings?  I guess M!ch!gan players would be Wide Latin.

Jeff Beck's picture

My deepest apologies Vico. Talk to the people in Wichita.

Denny's picture

Who is Futura ok thx

Taquitos.

dubjayfootball90's picture

Now this was fun. Nice piece, Jeff. Roby's highlights got me itching for some 2013 season

Jeff Beck's picture

Thanks! And I completely agree.

AJBor41's picture

When he finishes his RS Junior season in 2013, assuming another year like 2012, is Roby making the all-time OSU DB Mount Rushmore? 

chitown buckeye's picture

Good Question, not sure, this woudl have to be a very special year for him to crack the Mount Rushmore of DB. There were a lot of studs that played here over the years. These are a few names off the top of my head. (no order)
Chris Gamble, Ahmud Plummer, Malcom Jenkins, Mike Doss, Shawn Springs, Antoine Winfield, Jack Tatum,
Sure I'm missing a few as well. Not sure I see Roby as better then these guys though.

"I'm having a heart attack!"

Alice in Aggieland's picture

As a font nerd and graphic-design instructor, thank you for making my day. 

d1145fresh's picture

Jim Bollman's playcalling was wingdings... you just sit there and think "what the f**k is that?" 

Colorado Buckeye's picture

would have to go with Courier New for the Walrus based on his "unimaginative" playcalling... 

Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever!

cinserious's picture

This article was FONT-TASTIC, man I can't wait any longer for spring ball!

Gone ham, be back soon...

Buckeyebrowny919's picture

poor poor comic sans...damn eye sore

To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift - Steve Prefontaine

Keith's picture

What no Helvetica in that Wichita State study?  It only has a movie named after it.  
In all seriousness, very enjoyable and kudos to the creativity.

braxonbraxonbrax's picture

Thank you for the Kenny G addition to the post. brb, gonna go watch the comeback about 10 more times. 

BuckeyeSki's picture

Zach Maynard....he has a brother right?

Banned from BlackShoeDiaries since 2008. Crime: Slander/Defamation of Character Judgement: Guilty

RBuck's picture

That Roby video had enough great plays for a 4 year highlight reel for most football players.

"It's just another case of there you are". ~ Doc (1918-2012)

thatlillefty's picture

no YouTube at work is a bummer

jthiel09's picture

If there was ever a font to explain Jim Bollman it would be called DAVE.

JT

Borrowed Time's picture

you know, I absolutely was wondering which personalities matched up with what fonts. Thank you, Jeff!