Monday Skull Session

By DJ Byrnes on January 9, 2012 at 6:00a
69 Comments
RT @NeilHamburger: As packing material for the Nazi memorabilia I sell on eBay. RT @HormelFoods: How do you use your leftover ham? #poll

S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-C! Esss-Eeeeee-Seeeeee!

Just getting you prepared for tonight. If you are bored during the game or your hatred for the SEC reaches its zenith, feel free to search the hash-tag "#RollTide" on Twitter. Alabamanananas great trolling-targets as they are a notoriously prideful community about their football team. They are also a people who are usually too slow-witted to realize they're getting trolled. LSU fans, by contrast, are usually too krunked to concern themselves with Twitter (and the others are illiterate).

Will I watch the annual apex of southern culture tonight? You're damned right I will, especially with a saucy Brent Musburger rocking the microphone. My three readers know I've been riding the Les Miles swag-wagon since the preseason began. After watching Les Miles and his gang of mutants dismantle every foe which was dumb enough to stand in front of them, I may move to Louisiana next year. That way, when the apocalypse comes, I will be under the umbrage of Warlock Leslie Miles. These are the things I think about.

LET'S JUST GET THE TITLE GAME LINKS OUTTA THE WAY. Yahoo!'s Dr. Saturday continued his excellent "Nola Keys" preview series with a look at Alabama's match-up with LSU's vaunted defense... ESPN.com's Gene Wojciechowski wrote about Jarrett Lee, LSU's backup quarterback who might not play a snap tonight, but LSU wouldn't be in the championship game without... LSU's Tyrann Mathieu "could[n't] care less" about his father who is in prison for murder, wrote Fox.com's Thayer Evans...  Sporting News' Steve Greenberg brought an article about the notion of paydirt having a different meaning to Alabama's Trent Richardson... Nick Saban watches the Weather Channel for half an hour with his wife every morning... Andy Staples of Sports Illustrated wrote an article about the two Australians playing in this mythical title game... CBS' Dennis Dodd said the rematch "may be right, but it shows what's wrong with the BCS"... The Dispatch's Bob Hunter wrote an article like Bob Hunter tends to write... 

PENN STATE IS UP IN ARMS. So, Penn State hired an "outsider" as its head coach, and now some of the community and former players are angry about it in a way they didn't seem to be over the Sandusky scandal. And this looks bad, according to CBS' cankterous troll/writer Gregg Doyel. Honestly, if Twitter were around when Jim Tressel was hired, I'm sure it would have been broken by the stampede of OSU fans rushing to Twitter to voice their disdain. Michigan fans would have laughed their asses off. My point is -- until the coach has actually coached -- why get so angry? The belief Bill O'Brien will suck at PSU doesn't have any intrinsic proof yet, so it's not like its valid. I don't get it. 

RT @goshdarnheck: teeth? What the heck are tee....ohhhhhh, you must mean MouthbonesCraig James killed 5 hookers with this stone cold gaze.

LAMENT OF A COLLEGE SPORTS FAN. Abdulrahman El-Sayed of the Huffington Post loves college football, he's sadden it has taken some hits this year in the ethics department. If you want to rehash some of the lowlights of this year and compare them to what college sports is mythicized to be, then this article is for you.

ARNETT TO SEEK WAIVER. DeAnthony Arnett, the Tennessee receiver who transferred to Michigan State, will seek a special waiver to be eligible to play for Sparty immediately. It's said Arnett will seek a hardship waiver seeing as he transferred to Michigan State in order to be closer to his ailing father. No word yet on how Brady Hoke will whine about this.

AN ESPN EXEC SAYS BCS RAINMAKERS AREN'T "TONE-DEAF". Yes, that's right... Burke Magnus, ESPN's ridiculously named senior vice president of college sports programming, has spoken on behalf of college presidents and the BCS. The "plus-one playoff" is coming apparently. It's the kind of half-measured reform which will ensure the BCS is still printing money for its executives long after they're dead. Remember that when people are lauding the "change" brought to college football next year. 

THAT PIFF. False Internet prophecy costs Thailand $13 million... A galaxy twice the size of the Milky Way... Best drunks of the NBA season so far... Inside YouTube's bot scandal... A time cloak has been created...

69 Comments

Comments

LadyBuck's picture

Top "drunks" of the NBA? Do drunks really change from sport to sport? I mean, maybe the stunts they try to pull off would. Imagine a drunk, 6'1", unathletic guy trying to dunk from the half court by convincing his other drunk buddies to act as human steps. That would be youtube worthy right there.

Otherwise, I'm going to be busy from 8:30 to 10:30 tonight, and don't care enough about the teams in the MNC to actually watch the game. 

Excellent scroll over on the picture, too. 

BuddhaBuck's picture

LOL! #TypoFTW

Top 5 Drunks of the NBA (IMO):

  1. Delonte West
  2. Sasha Pavlovic
  3. the guy that married/divorced Kim "Fake A$$" (literally & figuratively) Kardashian
  4. Byron Mullens
  5. Mark Madsen

 

Don't text while driving.

Is it Saturday Yet's picture

(edit) after realizing you were doing current players -- DERP -- but Shawn Kemp should always get a shot out for drunks and dunks

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater's picture

What about Artest?   Give Metta World some love.....

Davep160's picture

I am still boycotting the oversigning cup.  Not that I don't think it will be an awesome game.  It will, but the only way that the BCS falls on its face in lieu of a play off is to cut off their money supply.   I am also seriously considering doing my best to boycott all companies that advertize on ESPin.

njc2o's picture

PPAWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

buckeyedude's picture

I got Netflix. There's got to be a decent movie on tonight.

 

 

BuddhaBuck's picture

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo perhaps?

#Greatavatar #BuckeyeCheerleaders

Don't text while driving.

Nappy's picture

Just watch Breaking Bad.  You're welcome.

Fan of bacon since 1981

Poison nuts's picture

Breaking Bad is awesome!

"Death created time to grow the things that it would kill" - Detective Rustin Cohle.

Is it Saturday Yet's picture

if you dig Kung Fu flicks there is a ton of good stuff, Ip Man comes to mind.

William's picture

The Walking Dead. You can thank me later.

ih8rolltyde's picture

Season 1 was so much better than the first half of season 2. Except the last scene of the midseason final. Kapow.

****igan smells like old water that hot dogs were boiled in.  FACT

William's picture

Yeah the second season really slowed down, until the midseason finale when everyone just went HAM.

Jdadams01's picture

The Lead Producer from the first half of the second season has been replaced so here's hoping it continues going HAM when it starts back up in February.

BuddhaBuck's picture

Here's to hoping that the WalMart SEC Oversigning Bowl gets the worst TV ratings of the BCS-era.

Also, I heard from @SportsByBrooks that CRAIG JAMES KILLED 5 HOOKERS on his Senate campaign trail.

Don't text while driving.

Squirrel Master's picture

Watch the stock market tomorrow. Walmart will drop 10 points in value after tonight!

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

Run_Fido_Run's picture

To begin with, the BCS CG is a rematch of two teams from the same conference; the previous game, which was hyped as the Game of the Century, was a sloppy, ponderous, clumsy snoozefest. The game being a rerun . . . that alone is enough to turn off a certain segment of non-SEC fans.

On top of that, of course, is all the eSECpn aspects, which we've discussed here in great detail.

So, let's assume that a sizable segment of the normal audience is ambivalent about this game. They love watching good cfb; it's the last game of the year before a cold winter; this game is part of the history and fabric of the game; etc. On the other hand, they sense that the fun has been completely drained out of the event and that the game, itself, is like a big F.U. to their non-SEC affiliations.

What better way to get people like them to tune into the Game of the Century 2? How about insult them by writing, "Preliminaries are over, time for some big boy football." Wow, that kind of stuff really gets us into the mood . . .        

Maestro's picture

Top 5 Drunks of All Time perhaps?  That could be fun.

vacuuming sucks

BuddhaBuck's picture
  1. Charlie Sheen

Don't text while driving.

Maestro's picture

good start

vacuuming sucks

Run_Fido_Run's picture

Bobby Lane, Joe Nammath, the guys on the Minnesota Vikings party boat.

Maestro's picture

more excellent choices

vacuuming sucks

Is it Saturday Yet's picture

I've heard Bernie's condition is a result of too many sacks not a condition of drunkeness.  However he did play in Miami where it prolly "snowed" quite a bit.

Maestro's picture

keep 'em coming

vacuuming sucks

BuddhaBuck's picture

Donte Stallworth.

Plaxico Burress.

Mel Gibson.

Lindsey Lohan.

Don't text while driving.

Is it Saturday Yet's picture

The Hoff' needs a shot out

BuckeyeSki's picture

Miguel Cabrara, because, why NOT try to make your blood-alcohol content match your batting average? Its not like its a noon game the next day or anything

 

Banned from BlackShoeDiaries since 2008. Crime: Slander/Defamation of Character Judgement: Guilty

Nappy's picture

Gary Moeller

Darryl Stonum

Desmond Howard

And you can't forget Eddie Murphy

Fan of bacon since 1981

Squirrel Master's picture

1. Charlie Sheen - cuz he's not just drunk, he is a melting pot of inebriation.

2. Arthur - Dudley Moore plays the best drunk of all time.

3. Gorbachev - He got George Bush Sr. so drunk we ended up with George W.

4. Axel Rose and cousin it (er...Slash) - ever watch there grammy acceptance speech?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Godsm3URqo0

5. The Drunken Master - seriously, kung fu rocks!

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

Squirrel Master's picture

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

RBuck's picture

Frankie Coleman.

"It's just another case of there you are". ~ Doc (1918-2012)

Run_Fido_Run's picture

It's easier to pick non-athletes. Writers write about being drunk. Actors and musicians are hounded by tabloid journalists and paparazzi. The drunkeness of politicians is stamped all over their faces (e.g., survivor of Chappaquiddick).

The real Drunkeness Hall of Fame:

Military officer: U.S. Grant

Writer/poet: tie between Charles Buckowski and Edgar Allen Poe

Musician: Janis Joplin

Actor: W.C. Fields

 

 

Squirrel Master's picture

I guess its hard to argue with a list that includes people actually dying from alcoholism. lol

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

Maestro's picture

Amy Winehouse making a strong effort for inclusion on the musician list.

vacuuming sucks

William's picture

Umm John Bonham, Keith Moon? Those two would top my list of musicians that were alcoholics.

Run_Fido_Run's picture

Good picks, but are we sure that Keith Moon was human?

Squirrel Master's picture

or really dead for that matter? he could be living on the same remote island with Elvis and now Michael Jackson!

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

Pam's picture

UM's own Dana Jacobson

Maestro's picture

What a list.  Mickey Mantle, Billy Martin might squeeze into mine.

vacuuming sucks

Arizona_Buckeye's picture

Mickey Mantle and Billy Martin are seriously at the top of my list as well.  I'd nominate myself but you would have to trust me on that one!!!

As for the rockers - gotta go with Keith Richards, Bon Scott, and Jimmy Morrison

The best thing about Pastafarianism? It is not only acceptable, but advisable, to be heavily sauced

Squirrel Master's picture

See you say give the new coach at PSU a chance but I look at it this way, don't scream and moan about how bad its going to be when your in the middle of recruiting period! HELLO!!!

Surprised Camren Williams hasn't already verballed to OSU yet!

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

Maestro's picture

Maybe Bill O'Brien showed him his Super Bowl rings........oh wait he doesn't have any.

vacuuming sucks

btalbert25's picture

I'll tune into the game for a while I'm sure, because this ridiculous game is what may be bring about some change to the BCS.  Unfortuantely it's just going to make a 4 team playoff instead of a 2 team playoff, but I guess something is better than nothing. I think LSU is going to dong punch Bama this time around. If that happens it's proof that the BCS got it wrong in my opinion or at least that the system itself is just wrong, only letting 2 teams play a game that is meaningful.   The only thing I hate about it is it's just going to make a plus 1, but it's still an improvement I guess.

RBuck's picture

If Alabama wins I can see the deciders picking LSU vs. Alabama again in a plus 1 system. Wouldn't surprise me at all.

"It's just another case of there you are". ~ Doc (1918-2012)

btalbert25's picture

I said something similar once and was told that pretty much all of the scenarios would not allow a team who lost their bowl game to play for the title.  I think ultimately, the plus one is going to be literally a playoff.  One Seed plays the 4,  2 seed plays the 3 and the winners of those games advance.  So this year LSU/Stanford and Bama/Ok State play, winners advance.  I could be wrong as the powers at be in college football never do much that makes sense, but this seems to me like something that will end up happening.

chitown buckeye's picture

It is definately an improvement!! It wouldnt be perfect but I hope it would open up the door for expansion in the future. I think the powers that be would see the huge TV ratings and packed stadiums and start seeing dollar bills. One could only imagine the numbers a meanigful post season game would bring in.

"I'm having a heart attack!"

Seabass1974's picture

Skipping the BCS Champ game. SWTOR will be getting some massive playtime by me.

The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender. - Woody Hayes

Squirrel Master's picture

"Hunny, How about I not watch the national championship game tonight and we spend quality time together. Maybe go to a movie?"

this crappy game is going to win me points with the wife!

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

Run_Fido_Run's picture

That's ingenious, except my wife wouldn't buy it unless it was her idea. She says, "honey, we have to do X on Monday night." I make a frowny face and complain, "But the NCG is on Monday." Then, after pretending to pout for a few hours, I tell her, "you're way more important to me than the Game of the Century II."   

Maestro's picture

I swear that I just had this thought.  Sacrifice the "biggest CFB game" of the year for some time with the wife..........brilliant.  Problem is I'll probably fall asleep after reading stories to my 3 year old.  Good thought though SM.

vacuuming sucks

Irricoir's picture

+Agalaxyfarfaraway

I don't always take names when I kick ass but when I do, they most often belong to a Wolverine.

cplunk's picture

Non-conference champs don't belong in the title game, regardless of perceived ability. They had their chance to get in by winning their conference and failed.

I would literally watch my grandmother treat her bunions before I would watch one second of this game.

 

AltaBuck's picture

NGC 1232 has just been renamed the Hoke Galaxy

I have been known on occasion to howl at the moon. - Crash Davis

ih8rolltyde's picture

Ok, so the pitt- san fran Monday night game gave me the inspiration. Massive power failure descends upon the Mercedes Benz toilet bowl around the 5 minute mark in a scoreless third quarter. Headlines read "speed beats all, even electricity". Every team in sec is awarded the title, cause the sheer superiority of teams like vandy, ole miss, Kentucky, miss st, auburn. The Mayans return almost a full year early, because humanity has reached its true apex. Esssss eeeeeee ceeeeee

****igan smells like old water that hot dogs were boiled in.  FACT

BuckeyeMark's picture

frustrating to see an all SEC MNC matchup when there was so much anti-scUM talk when they wanted a second chance in 06.  and I agreed - they had their chance and were done.

but apparently that doesn't apply to the SEC.  all this does is show us how firmly in control of the media they are and how we are never going to get a fair shake from this nonsense until we have a playoff.  it's a popularity contest and we aren't going to be popular with the people that run it since we started our own network!

Bucksfan's picture

BOYCOTT THE POLL QUESTION, TOO!

Pam's picture

I guess that "speed" we here about from down south is limited to only SEC teams. Ark. St. looked pretty slow against NI last  night.

William's picture

Pam once you sign your LOI to a SEC school, you instantly run a 4.3 40 or better.

Pam's picture

And if you are from the south and sign a LOI to a BIG school, your 40 time slows down.

Squirrel Master's picture

obviously its the better grass they run on not the players themselves. I think John Deer and Scotsman come from the SEC.

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

thatlillefty's picture

wow, that article on Tyrann Matthieu is intense... thanks for sharing