Beat Michigan Tuesday Skull Session

By Johnny Ginter on November 23, 2010 at 6:00a
44 Comments

Happy Tuesday everyone, and welcome to your morning Skull Session. Hey, did you know that literally every living thing on earth hates those associated with the University of Michigan with every fibre of their being? It's true! As the famed historian and polymath Dan Brown has shown, people often include obtuse and hidden meanings to their writings and works, and to reveal these meanings takes nothing but an ordinary genius. A Hawking-esque savant, if you will. Luckily for all of you, I am that genius, and in today's Skull Session we will be doing our usual exploration of football minutiae, but as an added bonus I will also let you see the secret underpinnings of Michigan football hate that permeates the world around us.

But first...

DEPTH CHART Well. This is it. The last depth chart of the regular season. I will miss you, old friend. Remember all those times you changed because of injury? Well, okay, maybe not, but do you remember all those times that players were injured and you didn't change? Wasn't that fun? Hell, Jake Stoneburner has never not been listed as the starter and he was out for weeks! And he's still not 100%! A regular Hepburn and Tracy we are. You lie, I laugh. Wait, what's that? You say you DO have a change this week?!?

Oh ho ho, you cheeky little monkey.

So okay, no real changes other than that. However, there are rumors on the internets that Herron possibly has a tweaked ankle, and (despite what I and others have said on Twitter) Christian Bryant will likely NOT be playing this weekend. Sad face.

NCAA Tryin To Catch Me Ridin Dirty Dillion Baxter, USC freshman RB, was ruled ineligible because he was given a golf cart ride around campus by an agent. The agent, who is also a USC student and says the ride was totally innocent, claims to be BFFs with several of the players on the team, which I'm sure thrills the AD at USC to no end. The idea that an agent could even get within spitting distance of a player (to say nothing of giving them rides around campus) at USC so soon after they received one of the worst punishments from the NCAA in recent memory is not a good sign for them.

So, how is this proof that everyone in the universe hates U of M? Easy. Golf carts qualify as Low Emission Vehicles, and this entire story is an fairly obvious attempt by the mass media to promote alternative transportation modes at the cost of traditional gas fueled cars supplied by the Michigan auto industry. The implication to young people is clear; ride in zero emission vehicles with your bros and meet agents. Ride in Detroit clunkers to practice and live in misery in rural Michigan forever.

Bo Knows Apologies Bo Pelini was forced to apologize for some truly epic ranting and raving at the officials during last Saturday's game against Texas A&M and also explain the status of QB Taylor Martinez. Though it is pretty undeniable to anyone watching the game that the Huskers were getting screwed to a fairly intense degree, incidents like these are part of the reason why Bo is not likely too high on the list of people to replace the Senator when he retires. Anyway, here's the apology:

"I always believe it's OK to disagree with a call," Pelini said. "It's not OK to make it personal. At times during that game, probably in my quest to fight for the kids on our football team, I let it get personal. For that, once again, I'm sorry. I regret that."

Wait. Let's highlight some of those letters.

"I Always believe it's OK to disagree with a call," Pelini said. "It's Not OK to make it persoNal. At times duRing that game, proBably in my quest to fight fOR the kIdS on our football teAm, I let it get perSonal. For that, once again, I'm SorrY. I regret that."

ANN ARBOR IS ASSY. Woah! And lest you think I picked letters at random, guess what? Those letters correspond to the 2, 42, 60, 63, 72, 87, 109, 110, 115, 117, 133, 147, 170, and 174th letters in that quote. That adds up to 1401, which is evenly divisible by 3. Also divisible by 3? 3954, which is 1967 (the year of Pelini's birth) plus 1987 (the year Bo Pelini's OSU team beat Michigan).

OR DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND?

A Fortress Of Solitude For The Poorly Dressed Oregon, as many of you know, is the alma mater of Nike head honcho Phil Knight. This is why the Ducks are frequently bedecked in some of the worst abominations ever known to man, and also why they're going to get a 130,000 square foot football Taj Mahal (although presumably sans dead lady). In related news: Michigan, sponsored by Adidas, got a really sweet camping tent and a magic 8 ball.

Hmm, what's that on the Pepsi can Knight is drinking there?

ZOOM... ENHANCE

It's still a little hard to see...

ZOOM... ENHANCE

Allllmoossstttt there...

ZOOM... ENHANCE

Holy crap!

A Reminder Students, countrymen, lend me your beers.  Mirror Lake. Midnight. Tonight. Do it. Do it do it do it. It is amazing.

Why should you do it? Well... (Warning: NSFW language)

  

Full video here.

44 Comments

Comments

flipbuckeye's picture

Hahaha great skully. Ann Arbor is assy.

Mind: BLOWN

blazers34's picture

that dude in the mirror lake video looked like Jordan Whiting

Matt's picture

Man, it seems really unnecessary for Phil Knight to write "Michigan Sucks" on his Pepsi can, but Zoom Enhance does not lie.

Morgan's picture

at first i was all "no way" but then i was all "zoom enhance is pure science".

and you cant argue with science.

Poe McKnoe's picture

I don't think you've asked the right questions....F*ckin' magnets, how do they work?

iball's picture

Apparently, people from Michigan ALSO hate Michigan, Detroit/Flint 2 of top 3 most dangerous cities in US

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40303628

“There’s one thing I have learned through all my adventures and conquests - it’s that some people are just wired for success. I had no choice when it came to being great - I just am great.” – Kenny Powers

btalbert25's picture

While I do agree that these cities are rough, let's not get too high and mighty.  A lot of these lists come out and usually Dayton, Youngstown, Cleveland, Columbus, and Cincinnati make their way onto them.  Plus this list has New York City safer than Portland Oregon.  I don't find that likely, but it does include car theft as a category for "danger".

Irricoir's picture

Cleveland is like number 6, I know its in the top 10. Heard in on the news this morning enroute to work.

I don't always take names when I kick ass but when I do, they most often belong to a Wolverine.

btalbert25's picture

Yeah I remember one of these lists last year actually had Over-The-Rhine in Cincinnati as the most dangerous neighborhood in America.  While it's not neccessarily the greatest place, I have a hard time believing that ranking.  Just like the BCS though, I'm sure you can enter any stats into a computer, program it a certain way, and you'll get the results you want to spit out.

Denny's picture

So much math and science today.

Taquitos.

Kalamazoo Steve's picture

A2 is assy?  I Jim Rome'd my keyboard and spit whatever it was I was drinking all over it.  Then I came across Adidas footing the bill for a tent and magic 8 ball and Rome'd said drink all over my computer screen.

Thanks for making my day better.  Great stuff.

Irricoir's picture

I have no idea what you just posted.

I don't always take names when I kick ass but when I do, they most often belong to a Wolverine.

Kalamazoo Steve's picture

You must not listen to Rome very often.  Any time the man says something he thinks is funny, some clone chimes in that he just spit his soda, soup, etc. all over his computer. 

Trying to be humorus + having to explain humor = fail.

Buckeye_Mafia's picture

I saw my first and only drive by shooting while in Michigan. While at a Denny's. Classy classy state full of classy classy people. And Zoom Enhance FTMFWMN...

Adolphus Washington is half grizzly bear and half dragon | Noah Spence kills quarterbacks, just to watch them die.

BuckeyeSki's picture

Assy indeed

Banned from BlackShoeDiaries since 2008. Crime: Slander/Defamation of Character Judgement: Guilty

ERIC OSU's picture

:reporting from campus: so Im walking around classes this morning and I noticed some red tape placed on the osu sign for "stillman hall".. after examination unto why there were small red tape x's on the sign, I see they were specifically placed over every letter "m" on the sign.. I looked at the other building signs and it remains constant, there is red tape over every m on the school building signs. This is a small thing that makes michigan week fun, and ohio state awesome lol

Jason Priestas's picture

That is fantastic!

flipbuckeye's picture

I wish I could be in Coluxbus to see that.

ZING. Nailed it.

robert goulet's picture

This is the type of collective hunger and zeal that keeps the streak going.  Complacency will come to collect so keep the boot on the neck!

Doc's picture

Good point.  I live and work in the Toledo area.  This morning I was filling up the family truckster and this guy gets out of his car at the pump next to me with full on TSUN gear.  I was wearing my OSU jacket and he wants to start talking about how awful tOSU fan base is.  He is saying that in Cbus that everyone hates TSUN, but in AA the game is really no big deal.  I tried to get a word in edge wise, but he keeps flapping his gums about OSU needs to win 5 more times to be even for Coop, and that Coop was TSUN's best coach and this and that.  I stood there and took his line of crap and thought about how clueless their fanbase was to the importance of this game.  I hope we beat them like a drum on Saturday.

 

Go Bucks!

"Say my name."

btalbert25's picture

I remember Krenzel saying that in Michigan The Game wasn't as important as it is in Columbus.  I think that was mostly due to their success for about a 15 year stretch.  Now they use it as rationalization.  It takes the sting out of the losses to say oh we don't care about that game anymore.  It went from being a smug attitude their fans had to a kind of sad effort to cling to their past success and relevance.

Doc's picture

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but their fans are so flippin' arrogant and uninformed.  I probably know more about their foosball team then most of their fan base.  It is very difficult to get into an intelligent conversation with one of their fans, because they know nothing about the team they root for.  I was talking to some guy the other day and he kept calling Denard, Menard.  Come on!

"Say my name."

Kalamazoo Steve's picture

It also has something to do with having Sparty and Irish fans everywhere.  Tis not the religion it is down in your neighborhood.

That and they all suck.

Johnny Ginter's picture

please, please take pictures of this and send them to us

zosima's picture

OMG!   "2, 42, 60, 63, 72, 87, 109, 110, 115, 117, 133, 147, 170, and 174th letters in that quote. That adds up to 1401"  That just jumped off the screen at me!  The Buckeyes have scored 1376 points against TTUN.  And how long did Fielding Yost coached TTUN?  Wait for it... EXACTLY 25 years.  1376+25=1401....

Johnny Ginter's picture

DUN DUN DUNNN

btalbert25's picture

Careful, 2012, Bible Code, and other end of the world freaks are going to recruit you for your services with work like that lol.

Bucksfan's picture

Unbelievable Skull Session!  LOL!  GO BUCKS! BEAT MICHIGAN!

Irricoir's picture

There is still a little hope:

Northwestern unrivaled tormentors to UW

http://www.jsonline.com/sports/badgers/110014899.html

I would love to go to the Rose Bowl and win an outright BigTen title but I would also like to see us matched up against the SEC. I guess you couldn't ask more in either scenario. Both MSU and Wisky are facing teams the fair pretty well against them, even though they are both having down years due to youth and injury.

There is a section in which Jay Velai states that Wisconsin is our tormentor. I think it's time to start paying extra attention to Wisky the way we do to _ichigan.

I don't always take names when I kick ass but when I do, they most often belong to a Wolverine.

Is it Saturday Yet's picture

Wisc has seems to "irritate" us more than anyone.  I think that as it stands right now, Wisconsin is the only school that has a winning record against Tress.  I'm not sure we can put as much attention to Wisky the way we do TSUN though, but we need to do something.

btalbert25's picture

Well we will get to see a lot of them from here on out that's for sure.  I think Wisconsin is a tough game for anyone though.  They play a very physical rough brand of football.  It's a team that is always going to come out and punch you in the mouth. 

Is it Saturday Yet's picture

having them in our division is going to suck....playing them at home sucks even worse.  I've never made the trip to Camp Randal but I think it's time I start

btalbert25's picture

I don't mind being in the same division with them really.  Outside of Michigan I always look forward to the Penn State and Wisconsin game.  It makes for a tough division, but I'm always game for good competition.

Joe Beale's picture

Wisconsin is 4-4 vs. Jimmy T, with wins in 2001, 2003, 2004, and 2010 but losses in 2002, 2007, 2008, and 2009.  Since OSU beat UW in 2000, they actually have a losing record vs. OSU since the turn of the century.  Their best success came against Earle Bruce, where they were 5-4 during his 9 years.

Doc's picture

I agree.  TSUN will always be our biggest rival, but we need to really bring the hate for Wiscy.  Other than TSUN there is not another B10 team that I hate more.  Penn State is supposed to be our "rival", so says the B10, but they really aren't.  Wiscy is the best choice for a good solid #2, pun intended.

"Say my name."

Buckeye in Athens's picture

Agree. My dad raised me to hate _ichigan first, Wiscy second. But they've had much greater success against us than TSUN has in my lifetime.

btalbert25's picture

I don't know, Wisky minus Alvarez isn't that scarry.  They have a great team this year to be sure, but Alvarez seemed to be the thorn in Ohio State's side.  I just don't think Bielema will have sustained success year after year.  Wisconsin under Alvarez always seemd to be a threat.

Doc's picture

It doesn't matter.  They think they are in the same class as we are, but they are not.  Yes, Alvarez was a better coach, but Bulemia looks pretty good too.  I would like to beat them for the next three years in a row to start to get the taste of this years loss out of my mouth.

"Say my name."

btalbert25's picture

I know it gets a lot of play but for all the talk of Penn State not being a rival etc etc, it's awfully damn hard to get a ticket to the game.  Seems like a lot of Buckeye fans are always excited to go when Penn State is in town etc.  The Buckeye family seems to get up for that game every year.  I have to say they are basically rival number 2.  The fact we give them so much time talking about Joe Pa and how much we hate that Penn State has to always get their way, and we hate their fans. That much animosity usually surrounds a rivalry. 

Doc's picture

Penn State IS a great game every year, but in my experience there is a lot more civility towards each other than some other schools.  My hate meter goes way up for Wiscy and the needle breaks off for TSUN.

"Say my name."

BuckeyeChief's picture

Speaking of smuggness...there's a guy at my command, and his best smack talk is "well you wear our colors every day" since we have blue cammo uniforms. uggghhhh.

 

"Clutch has no boundaries"

741's picture

I was on vacation last week and watched the OSU-Iowa game at a resort (pool to the left, Pacific ocean to the front, 55" plasma screen to the right - nice arrangement) and during the game had a conversation with a Michigan State fan who explained that even though Wisconsin losing to Michigan would have helped Sparty's cause to get to a BCS bowl, he could not bring himself to root for the Wolverines against the Badgers...

That's hate.