Genes and Overalls

By Johnny Ginter on July 9, 2010 at 7:38a
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...and so forth

Gregor Mendel and Big Ten fans have far more in common than you might initially think. First off, you are about to read a post where I stretch that very premise to its absolute breaking point. Secondly, Mendel's pioneering research into genotypes and phenotypes changed the way that people thought about inherited traits forever, and our pioneering research into overalls and hilariously methodical and agonizing football have changed the way people think about their willingness check out that other fancy pants European kind of football. Third, he kind of looks like Jim Tressel in this one picture I found.

Anyway, recently I've been thinking about conference expansion and adding Nebraska, and come to the conclusion that despite everyone generally agreeing that these guys are a terrific fit into the Big Ten conference (a sentiment I completely agree with, by the way), no one has yet to conclusively establish a sound and rational basis for exactly what constitutes a "great fit," and if there really can ever really be such a thing. Until now.

Using the famous Punnett Square, I, Johnny, scientist-at-large, have spent literally thousands of hours working with the Human Genome Project in an effort to determine the dominant and recessive genotypes that make up the key components of the fans of the  "heavies" of the Big Ten conference: Michigan, Penn State, and of course, your Ohio State Buckeyes.

YOU CAN'T SO DON'T EVEN TRY

 

With the addition of Nebraska  to the Big Ten conference, my hope is that this will look a little more complete in the future. However, this is going to require a lot more research on my part, because here is a quick rundown of what I know about Nebraska fans and football culture, by and large:

  • They wear overalls (a definite plus)
  • Corn
  • They sell out every home game
  • How much of the above can be attributed to there being nothing to to in Nebraska is up to debate
  • Corn
  • This thing
  • Corn
  • Corn

So because of this unfortunate gap in my knowledge base I would like your analysis as to whether or not you think Nebraska fills in those critical data sets that we need to become a fully functioning conference, the likes of which can finally stand up under scientific scrutiny. Any information about tailgating habits, ravenous gangs of frats, overalls, specific types of corn I don't know about yet, the Indian name for corn, or whatever else you deem important for a newcomer to know would be greatly appreciated. As a man of culture and science, I feel that it is particularly important to know exactly who we are going to be dealing with. Husker nation, Buckeye nation: enlighten me.

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