Gregor Mendel and Big Ten fans have far more in common than you might initially think. First off, you are about to read a post where I stretch that very premise to its absolute breaking point. Secondly, Mendel's pioneering research into genotypes and phenotypes changed the way that people thought about inherited traits forever, and our pioneering research into overalls and hilariously methodical and agonizing football have changed the way people think about their willingness check out that other fancy pants European kind of football. Third, he kind of looks like Jim Tressel in this one picture I found.
Anyway, recently I've been thinking about conference expansion and adding Nebraska, and come to the conclusion that despite everyone generally agreeing that these guys are a terrific fit into the Big Ten conference (a sentiment I completely agree with, by the way), no one has yet to conclusively establish a sound and rational basis for exactly what constitutes a "great fit," and if there really can ever really be such a thing. Until now.
Using the famous Punnett Square, I, Johnny, scientist-at-large, have spent literally thousands of hours working with the Human Genome Project in an effort to determine the dominant and recessive genotypes that make up the key components of the fans of the "heavies" of the Big Ten conference: Michigan, Penn State, and of course, your Ohio State Buckeyes.
With the addition of Nebraska to the Big Ten conference, my hope is that this will look a little more complete in the future. However, this is going to require a lot more research on my part, because here is a quick rundown of what I know about Nebraska fans and football culture, by and large:
- They wear overalls (a definite plus)
- Corn
- They sell out every home game
- How much of the above can be attributed to there being nothing to to in Nebraska is up to debate
- Corn
- This thing
- Corn
- Corn
So because of this unfortunate gap in my knowledge base I would like your analysis as to whether or not you think Nebraska fills in those critical data sets that we need to become a fully functioning conference, the likes of which can finally stand up under scientific scrutiny. Any information about tailgating habits, ravenous gangs of frats, overalls, specific types of corn I don't know about yet, the Indian name for corn, or whatever else you deem important for a newcomer to know would be greatly appreciated. As a man of culture and science, I feel that it is particularly important to know exactly who we are going to be dealing with. Husker nation, Buckeye nation: enlighten me.
Comments
Great post Johnny! you're my new hero
The Tress anomaly was the best part, but i think you need to size down the pic a bit, on my archaic 1204x768 screen it runs underneath the ad
damn, i was afraid of that, i'll try and fix it, let me know if it's any better
alright, it's somewhat resized (my monitor is 1366x768, don't even ask)
I can now read the full Tressel Anomaly, but still can't read the PSU d-bag thingy or the UM Yacht Club (i turned off ads earlier to read them).
I'd just leave it, i'm sure i'm the only one on such a low resolution, haha
bah, sorry man, to be completely honest my abilities as a scientist pales next to my incompetence with computers. hopefully one of the other 11W guys can help me out here
wait, i might've fixed it (i probably didnt)
Great read, and love this site. I snoop over here quite often. We Husker fans laugh about the lack of other interest in our state too. Thus we pretty much are all drawn to follow our NU teams. (Note Northwestern NW we want to be NU) We used to be proud that ViceGrips (the best locking pliers ever made) was invented and manufactured in our humble state. but now even that has been sent to China. All we have left is the Huskers. P.S. whats wrong with Lawrence Welk?
Off topic, but I have a couple of questions.
When does fall practice start, Aug. 5th?
Will the 11W crack staff have any access this year?
Aug. 4th
Uh, there's something about the bubbles?
Praise Science!
But NOT scientology.....F U Xenu
Has the Ohio State v. Miami game taken on any new meaning for Cavs/Buckeye fans today?
ill feel a lil better about life if we can stomp them in the Shoe on 9/11
I live in SouthFla.... so I welcome Lebron to the community. But I also agree that the U needs to the crap stomped out of them on 9-11.
The do have this Der Viener Schlinger: http://www.flickr.com/photos/b...
that is damn beautiful
i have a feeling LeBum will be standing on the U sidelines.....what a sell out
"# How much of the above can be attributed to there being nothing to to in Nebraska is up to debate"
The exact same thing is said of our fanbase, Michigan's fanbase, Penn State's...the entire Big Ten and SEC for that matter. So, they have that in common.
You mentioned nothing of their win %. They're a top-10 team in win %, along with Michigan, Ohio State, and Penn State. The Big Ten now has 4 of the top-10 teams in win %. No other conference boasts more than 2. So, we have that in common with them...winning football games.
It's a big state school with decent research programs. That speaks for itself.
Really, the only thing I can see that the Big Ten doesn't have in common with Nebraska is that their fans are apparently exceptionally welcoming to opposing fans. That's just what I heard, it could be false, but that's their reputation (unless you're a Texas fan). I saw a 3 year old smashing buckeye nuts with a hammer in a tailgate lot at Purdue. It's rough and tough in the Big Ten when you're not the home team. So, we'll see how well that meshes.
Fall camp is typically a little more locked down than spring is, but if any of the sessions are open to the media, we'll try to have someone there.
4th Bullet down should be "nothing to do" instead of "nothing to to"
Lil' Red gives Pedobear a run for his money.
I could give two shits what he does but I hope Tress tells him to go fuck himself if he ever wants sideline passes from OSU.
What with pedobear, Buckeski's mention of scientology, and 11W's general proclivity towards (awesome) memes, there's a lot of 4chan-ness on this particular post.
4-chan's anons wish they could be as cool as our anons.
HA
"SCIENCE BE PRAISED!"
Or Tress will tell him politely to go fuck himself.
Open Letter to Fans from Cavaliers Majority Owner Dan Gilbert=Zero class.
coming from someone with Fart Keester as their ID......
I think he called LeBum out for what he is. His wholething about winning a championship before them is just stupid. I admire that passion coming from an owner.
damn we are getting close.
No No No, Who's logo is on Ohio State's jerseys? LBJ we need that exposure to keep landing the one and done guys.
Lebron Fatheads closeout going for $17.41
1741 was Benedict Arnold's birth year. Now THAT's funny and informative. Fatheads is owned by Gilbert.
I was wondering if the Buckeyes BBall team would keep the LBJ sponsorship or go back to just nike.....
either way, go BUCKEYES, and wish the cavs had Evan Turner!
CLEVE's already got a dubious rep in the league, stemming from the way the team dealt with Carlos Boozer. Gilbert's vein-popping expression of sour grapes won't endear him to a small community of businessmen (the players), who - generally - like LeBron. Blame Dan Gilbert and Rust Belt reality for
assuring the overwhelming likelihood, Cleveland will not be represented in another NBA final by the CAVS, for quite some time.
While I'm at it, screw Seantrel Henderson too.
Hope he's at right tackle against Cameron Heyward when Cryami comes to the Shoe.
Dan Gilbert not only showed his ineptness at running a franchise by popping off his mouth, he just screwed Cleveland out of any potential free agents in the future. Who would want to play for him?
Im happy for The King, I'll be purchasing my new Miami Heat apparrel tomorrow.
You and LeBum and West Palm can all go have a nice party. LeBum has no loyalty and he could tell the guy last night how many people knew about his choice on one hand because he doesn't have any rings except those from Akron St.V because he was recruited to go there.
working fine now, thanks
Cavs are to blame, not LBJ. What did they do to try and keep him? Offer him a contract? Pretty creative approach.
On a side note, I realize I am a sick individual, thats a given (Burgandy) however, the blue "circle" for State Penn D-Bags KINDA resembles a certain male bodypart (censored for children and blue-hairs down in front)
and a short one at that
I thought the same thing about the maize penis.
maize? is that corn?
No, it's how Wolverines describe the color of urine.
i just maized in the toilet
Blame Delonte's schlong.
We don't need his logo, his brand took a hit last night. Nike Elite is plenty to entice kids, not to mention Thad Matta Super Recruiter.
I watched a documentary on "ViceGrips" on the Discovery Channel. I believe it was about how all American manufacturing can't wait to leave the US. They didn't have any answers.
When the Chinese start growing corn, then I'll get worried.
"SHE BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE!" Thomas Dolby.
I saw a little blonde haired, maybe age 5, baby A.J. Hawk look-a-like, flipping Michigan fans the bird.
Contrast LeSquanch James with Tom Izzo.
Rush said two weeks ago that LeSquanch was leaving for Miami because of the high state income taxes in Ohio and New York.
LeSquanch is going to save roughly $12,000,000 just for not having to pay state income taxes. That's a nice chunk of change.
A nipple? What's so bad about that?