Ye Olde YouTube Theatre Friday

By Johnny Ginter on June 18, 2010 at 7:00a
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I... JUST... WANTED... TO... LOVE

It's been a real long week over here in glorious Japan. I'm coming back home, permanently, in August, so I've had to start saying goodbye to a lot of the people I've enjoyed meeting and the things I've enjoyed doing while over here. The rainy season has started, meaning that when everything isn't sopping wet it is blazing hot. There are these two spiders that hang right over my apartment entrance, just waiting for me to ignore them so they can drop in my hair and cause me to shriek like Ned Flanders. And I've begun to realize that the little white round things inside the breaded mackerel we eat for lunch at school aren't some kind of super advanced Japanese protein supplement, as I've deluded myself into thinking. They're eggs. And also probably balls. Maybe mostly balls. Anyways, after a long week in the offseason filled with difficulties in Japan and attempted (conference) murder, intrigue, and scheming shadowy organizations stateside (see? Nostradamus was right), it's always good to end the week by kicking back and taking in some of our old favorites on the Youtubes. I'm speaking of course of our most recent victory over the mighty Ducks of Oregon, most of whom I think are now playing their football for the Mean Machine. Of course, I wouldn't mention that I live in Japan for the thousandth time for no reason (yes I would), and the second half of today's show comes with a Japanese style twist: robots. Or, to be more specific, transcriber robots. Not that anything is actually transcribed. That is to say, transcribed accurately. To elaborate, Youtube has a feature that allows the viewer to read subtitles automatically generated by a man sitting in a booth randomly pointing to words in a dictionary, an option our friends at Youtube describe as "Transcribe Audio." In its finished state, it will be a boon to the deaf and hard of hearing. Currently, it is a dark look into the murky subconscious where few dare to tread. The soothing tones of Brent Musberger and Kirk Herbstreit are still there, but now, finally, you can see the secret messages they've been relaying to the Trilateral Commission without having to remove your tinfoil hat (thank God). There are two parts to this game summary, the first without subtitles and the second that does have them. The more intrepid of you can simply click this link for the first video and this link for the second, select the "Transcribe Audio" option on the CC menu bar, and you're off! For those who are lazy and/or extremely excited to see more of my writing, I've summarized the second video below, with the special Illuminati robot commentary intact. Enjoy. Not a great start, robot overlords. Not. A. Great. Start.

"Buckeyes"

Jean-Claude Van Damme, New World Order super spy.

"Before Russel wrestles him down"

This is where things start to get a little scary.

"Kenyon Barner"

Kenyan? You don't think Brent is trying to tell us... OH MY GOD HE IS.

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Brent begins to become exhausted from the constant revelations.

"and Massoli"

But he soldiers on, knowing the stakes.

"checking out his feet to see... He's man to man"

Finally though, a ray of hope and truth parts the clouds.

"with Massoli coming back"

Right on. Thanks to NWsports 200 on YouTube for facilitating this craziness. Also if the New World Order is in fact real, I would like to emphasize that I was only kidding here and after the coming revolution would like to avoid working in your salt mines if at all possible.

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