I'm terribly sorry if you grew accustomed to the clean and timely prose of my substitutes, but I have officially returned from the Mouse's House to reclaim my throne. Deal with it.

Word of the Day: Aberrant.

 MUCH-NEEDED APOLOGY. It seems I managed to go on vacation through an entire three-act narrative of someone in the media saying something dumb, getting flamed online for it, and then eating crow.

But I'm back at my keyboard, and I'm pleased to bring you the final resolution – Dan Orlovsky has personally apologized to Justin Fields for his comments questioning Fields' work ethic.

Orlovsky has talked to both Fields and Day in the wake of his comments. “Justin didn’t have to take my phone call,” Orlovsky said. “He could have said, Screw that guy. I told him exactly what happened, said I wasn’t good enough in that moment, and that’s on me. He was like, I get it. It’s okay. I watch, and I know you’re someone who’s had my back. I appreciate you calling me. I felt like he was really mature, and I appreciated him hearing me out.”

As someone who routinely says extremely dumb things online, it's tough for me to cast too many stones at Orlovsky, but I've also never said anything dumb enough to get publicly lambasted by one of my much-higher-paid coworkers

 WRONG SPORT. Gonzaga guard Jalen Suggs hit the shot of his life on Saturday night, is one game away from leading his team to a national championship and is a guaranteed top-five pick in the upcoming NBA Draft.

Given all that, you'll be pleased to hear that the Buckeyes were well aware of his athletic prowess quite early and recruited him to Ohio State.

Only, they chose the wrong sport.

“Right now, I’m just trying to enjoy them both the most I can and continue to grow and become better every day at each sport. I’ve done both all my life, and if the opportunity presents itself and it all works out, then playing both sports would be preferable,” he said, noting Ohio State basketball head coach Chris Holtmann has been in contact but has not yet offered him a scholarship on the hardwood. “I feel like that will change with this offer, though.”

A two-sport scholarship would have been a waste of everyone's time if we're being real, and that's exactly what famed quarterback trainer Quincy Avery told him when he wanted some quarterback coaching.

But it uh... would have been nice to have him on the hardwood.

 BEST IN CLASS. Justin Fields is eating all the headlines around Buckeyeland this NFL Draft cycle, but he's not the former Ohio State player getting raves ahead of the draft.

Drue Chrisman is out here proving he's the best damn punter in the class.

The safest pick in the draft appears to be Drue Chrisman from Ohio State. A former High School quarterback and standout basketball player, Chrisman is the best athlete amongst the punters in the 2021 class. Chrisman was flawless as a holder in Columbus, and many teams place a premium on holding ability when evaluating college punters. He has adequate leg strength, but his ability to punt directionally separates him from the other punters in the 2021 class. He checks the most boxes of what teams are looking for from a punting prospect. Ohio State’s Pro Day will be well-attended by NFL Head Coaches and General Managers because of the wealth of talent that will be participating. If Chrisman has a good showing, he could be the first punter off of the board. Given the number of teams looking for a rookie, it would not be surprising to see this happen as early as the 6th round.

 Ohio State's pro day was, in fact, well-attending, and Chrisman put on a show.

I'd give him a solid third-round grade after that performance. Jim Tressel has never been more proud.

 BRISKET OR BREAD? I'm not sure what you had for your Easter meal yesterday, but I can promise you it tasted better than what Lincoln Riley cooked up.

And he has to go try to recruit the state of Texas after publicizing that. Thoughts and prayers.

 SONG OF THE DAY. "Lucky" by Kat Edmonson.

 NOT STICKING TO SPORTS. A CEO killed in a plane crash was bankrolling a drug empire... A baby in Iraq is the first human documented with three penises... How a lorry carrying 273 dead bodies ended up stranded on the outskirts of Guadalajara... Cracking the case of London's elusive and acrobatic rare-book thieves...