Make no mistake, the Columbus Blue Jackets will win the Stanley Cup. (Eat shit, Canada!)

ICYMI:

• The case for and against each quarterback.
• Early enrollee Master Teague could make some noise in an already-crowded backfield.
• Nick Mangold to sign one-day contract next week, will retire a New York Jet.
• Reserve your (or your business’) spot next to the life-size statue of Woody Hayes coming to Newcomerstown!

Word of the Day: Prolix.

 TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE. Three years ago, Buckeye fans raged about who should start at quarterback, J.T. Barrett or Cardale Jones.

Jones had won the championship, but he wouldn't have been in position to do so without Barrett.

The result of that derby could have an affect on the outcome of #QBgeddon2. 

From 247sports.com:

If recent history is any indication, Haskins will be Meyer's choice and here's why: Haskins was the heir apparent to J.T. Barrett at the end of last season and hasn't necessarily been beaten or taken a step back this spring to lose what many considered his job entering the 2018 campaign.

Meyer is a firm believer in keeping your job until you lose it and showed that in 2015 when he gave Cardale Jones the nod over Barrett after Jones ended the previous season as the Buckeyes' starter following Barrett's ankle injury, leading Ohio State to a national championship.

Jones didn't have to beat out Barrett in spring or fall practice, much like Haskins, who was considered the bonafide next man up this season after coming off the bench and leading a win over Michigan in November.

As the coach of one of the greatest dynasties in NCAA Football History, I would tab the younger player over a veteran in any position battle. Better to blood the youngster with higher potential than waste snaps on a veteran unable to seize the day.

We know Meyer prefers testimony over theory, too. And there aren't many testimonials more vivid than Haskins walking into The Game cold last year and throwing a spear down the throat of Jim Harbaugh.

If Burrow hasn't separated from Haskins—and Meyer claims that to be the case—why wouldn't he start Haskins? Burrow must be aware of this, otherwise he wouldn't have publicly declared he would likely transfer if he didn't win the starting job.

 TAYLOR STEPS UP. Iron Man Billy Price declared his replacement was fifth-year senior Brady Taylor's job to lose. Taylor faced spring competition from former blue chip recruits in Josh Myers and Matthew Burrell. 

He held off all comers.

From Colin Hass-Hill of The Lantern:

After the Spring Game, Meyer revealed his decision on who will have the first shot in the fall with the first team.

“Brady Taylor is leaving spring ball as our starting center,” Meyer said. “I’m not saying that’s the way it is for the fall yet, but it’s pretty close. He did very good.”

A redshirt senior, Taylor has a wealth of experience. Early in spring practice, Meyer expressed concern about the center position, but Taylor played well enough for the head coach to make the decision of Taylor over redshirt freshman Josh Myers by the end of camp.

That's what you want to see from fifth-year seniors competing for a starting position with converted guards. Taylor may not win the Rimington Trophy, but he ain't a slouch. As Jacoby Boren proved, Meyer doesn't need a Rimington contender to win a national title.

 WHY THEY PLAY TWO-HAND TOUCH. Most American footballers probably got their start playing two-hand touch during lunch recess.

But America doesn't spend billions of dollars a year to watch games of two-hand touch. We want our big hits, which is why you can always hear groans when the local team doesn't tackle at the start of spring games.

From theozone.net:

Every year people get excited for Ohio State’s spring game. It’s the first opportunity to see the latest edition of the Buckeyes, after all. The anticipation builds and builds, until finally the game begins. And that’s when people remember that there is no tackling for most of the game.

Then comes the grumbling from the stadium.

Why don’t they tackle from the outset? Urban Meyer has a good answer for that.

“We had a nice scrimmage in front of 50,000 people and I think it was very productive,” he said. “Obviously nowadays with the health of players, I think we’re doing it the right way. I know sometimes you get criticized because you start the first three or four sets of the scrimmage with just two-hand tag, but it’s just too critical and too fragile right now. That’s just the way it is.”

I don't enjoy watching two-hand touch. However, it's much more entertaining than watching a key cog writhe on the ground after suffering a crippling injury during a scrimmage.

This is why I also support cryogenically freezing players during the offseason, though I realize that take may be too hot cold for most fans.

 COPS CRACK DOWN ON HIGH STREET DRINKING. The Columbus Police Department recently cracked down on underage drinking in High Street bars, which simply forces students back into slumlord housing in need of condemnation.

From Ricky Mulvey and Seth Shanley of The Lantern:

Stroll down High Street on a weekend night and you will notice that fewer college students are hitting up the bars. The rest have been given underages. The Columbus Police Department has been shocked — absolutely shocked — to find that students under 21 years old have been consuming alcohol at High Street bars. So CPD decided to make a change.

Some students complain this change is leaving fewer entertainment options on weekend nights. Really, it’s created a new freshman tradition: calling your father crying because you were arrested for an underage at Bullwinkle’s.

Big Bar, the 18-and-up club above a doughnut shop that was never cool enough for you, will soon be the cockroach that survives this nuclear fallout.

This seems like a waste of time and resources. In Germany, kids can drink (non-spirits) at age 16. The country hasn't turned into a blackhole of despair. Maybe we could learn a thing or two.

That article, by the way, is hilarious and worth a #click.

 TABLES TURNED ON THE KING. LeBron James cease-and-desist'd Nick Saban two weeks ago over Alabama's recruiting video featuring football legends chewing the fat in a barbershop.

Saban rebuffed him before ultimately rebranding the show. Now, something called "Adventure Enterprises" claims James stole the idea from them.

From tmz.com:

Adventure Enterprises claims in a new lawsuit, obtained by TMZ Sports, it pitched a TV show to LeBron called "Shop Talk." The backdrop for the show was a barbershop where celebs share their business success stories while getting a haircut.

The company claims it had numerous talks about the idea with LeBron's company, UNINTERRUPTED, over a period of 2 years ... fleshing out the idea and figuring out a strategy for pitching it to various networks.

According to the lawsuit, LeBron went and cut Adventure Enterprises out of the picture and created a ripoff show called "The Shop," featuring LeBron in a barbershop with his contemporaries, "while engaging in an intimate conversation describing cultural experiences." The show aired as a webisode.

If you sue somebody and lose, the judge should have the power to exile you to Siberia. That'd solve frivolous lawsuits overnight.

 THOSE WMDs. No one is at the gym to talk to you... Hackers once stole a casino's high-roller database through a thermometer in the lobby fish tank... Mysterious "beast" terrifies town after killing two dogs... Belgium comes to terms with "human zoos" from its colonial past... Young and reckless: Teen hackers vs. Microsoft... Should humanity let some species die out?