Square One Television (an educational kids show on PBS mostly concerned with parodies of 50's sitcoms as a vehicle for teaching 2nd graders about parallelograms) was slightly before my time, even as one of those semi-precocious kids who seems smart but is actually kind of dumb.

Anyway, even though Square One Television went off the air when I was six, it's interesting which segments stick in my head, even today. Mathnet, a parody of Dragnet, seemed pretty kickass to young me, mostly because I liked the idea of people going to actual jail for the crime of leaving a remainder left over when doing long division. Mathcourt was fun for the same reason. Also my two greatest childhood heroes, Weird Al Yankovic and Wynonna Judd, were on the show sometimes.

The segment that I've really never been able to shake, however, is Mathman. A parody of The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, it scared the absolute shit out of me. Something about the segment was visceral and weird and I hated it. At the time I thought that was because Mathman was glitched out of existence if he got one damn question wrong, but as the 90's progressed and Michigan regularly kicked Ohio State's ass on a yearly basis, I started to realize that it was really Mathman's stupid helmet that kept me up at night.

The 2022 Michigan Wolverines are starting to give me the same heebie-jeebies. They aren't perfect, and have a habit of letting opponents hang around way, way too long, but their 41-17 win over Penn State was about as dominant a win that any team has had this season against a top-10 foe.

THE OFFENSE

Michigan didn't punt, so there's that. Field goal, field goal, touchdown, interception, field goal, touchdown, touchdown, field goal, touchdown, end of game. 11-17 on 3rd down, 563 total yards, and four hundred and eighteen freaking yards on the ground for an average of 7.6 yards per pop. This, against statistically one of the best defenses in the country.

Yes, Penn State was up 17-16 for one very fleeting moment in the second half, and yes, the Wolverines hilariously saw three drives stall out at or around the Nittany Lion 10 yard line, and yes, they hucked a pick-six at the worst possible time. But instead of letting Michigan stew in self-pity, Penn State stupidly woofed at their opponents at halftime, a move which the Buckeyes could've told them really isn't the move against these guys anymore.

Oh, hey, RB Donovan Edwards is back. After getting hurt and then looking generally lost against Iowa and Indiana, he exploded (not literally, that'd be tragic) for 173 yards on just 16 carries. Blake Corum had 166 yards on 28 carries. Hell, even J.J. McCarthy, who was accurate-but-still-kind-of-booty actually throwing the ball, had 57 yards on the ground.

This is a long-winded way to say that the game belonged to Michigan's offensive line, who bullied the Nittany Lions throughout. Time of possession is typically a dumb stat, but the Wolverines held onto the ball for (I swear I'm not making this up) 41 minutes and 56 seconds of gametime, so in this case it is not. And while Penn State ended up with seven tackles for loss and a sack... it didn't matter. At all.

THE DEFENSE

Penn State had two long scoring drives, both of which were a result of QB Sean Clifford rolling natural 20's before reverting back to his mean of throwing footballs directly into the ground. 48 of his 120 yards passing came on one play, as did 62 of his 74 rushing yards.

Nobody else on the Nittany Lions did anything of note, or really had time to do anything of note. The Wolverines dominated the point of attack, and after Clifford got banged up and James Franklin was forced to put in freshman Drew Allar, things just got worse. All told, Penn State finished with just 268 total yards and 10 first downs.

I could go on, but this section has already taken me longer to write than PSU actually held the football in this game, so whatever.

WHAT DID WE LEARN?

This:

Is not a fluke.

Also, something struck me while going over this game again. Last year, I said that Harbaugh had essentially recreated Tresselball to positive effect. And while that was true at the time, and you might be able to make the same claim now, I don't think that's what this Michigan team is.

Rather, I think the 2022 Michigan Wolverines are the ultimate expression of what Brady Hoke wanted them to be. This is a grindy, manball team that will sit on opponents' chests until they cry uncle. They are legitimately very, very good.

The Threat Level is SEVERE, and November 26th can't get here soon enough.