The Stark Beauty of Lost Things

This undeniable fact is one of innumerable examples of what statisticians refer to as a spurious correlation. It is a dataset which cannot be trusted or denied, so if you're considering a wager on Jim Harbaugh's win total in his first season back in the pros, Depp's release schedule probably isn't a great source.

You can draw similar correlations in the fluctuating distance between Neptune and Uranus and CVS' stock price, per capita consumption of margarine with Maine's divorce rate - and you could even argue that the declining popularity of the name Tiffany coincides with Los Angeles' improving air quality. They all line up.

Shout out to all Tiffanys, I Can't Believe it's Not Butter and as always, Uranus. Let's try this one -

Ohio State College Football Playoff wins & Serviceable Blocking Tight Ends on the Roster

Those two elements line up too. They are not casually related whatsoever.

Championship-level football and tight ends who can block dudes are attached at the hip. Hips, which should be firm, balanced and allowing feet to stay wider than the shoulders while distributing weight evenly. A tight end's gigantic ass - football term - should stay parallel to the turf while his thumbs and elbows are pointed inward.

He should take short, almost staccato steps with his toes staggered to the instep to maintain leverage and game the physics of a collision - a collision he's seeking and controlling. He should never stop moving, and never catch dudes - always push them. Eyes up, head back and feet always on the ground. You know, hips.

Blocking in football is significantly more sophisticated, challenging and violent than setting a pick is in basketball.

Ohio State's most recent CFP success arrived with Luke Farrell and Jeremy Ruckert taking on 12-personnel obligations in the version of What Ryan Day's Offense is Supposed to Look Like both running and passing the ball while humming - which was rendered impossible in 2020 due to what became a limited slate. No runway kept its cruising altitude out of reach.

That's the two of them pictured atop this article in the twilight of a run where they paved the way for Trey Sermon to break unbreakable school records despite dealing with contact tracing pandemic issues which resulted in makeshift offensive lines at kickoff. Ohio State's elite blocking tight ends were the unsung heroes of that run.

They were both quite skilled and determined in erasing defenders, especially Farrell - he was the most committed eligible pass-catching blocker the Buckeyes had dating back to Jeff Heuerman - famous for one missed block - and Nick Vannett. Can't remember what their team did in the CFP but I'm sure it was memorable.

By the way, a tight end missing only one critical block at Ohio State would be an upgrade on par with replacing Corey Dennis with Chip Kelly. Recent tight ends have been turnstiles on the edges, to put it mildly. Matadors, if you'd prefer to give them some flair on account of their downfield receiving ability.

Of course there are other variables at play for playoff success, and you can deflate the spurious correlation between Ohio State winning a playoff game and Ohio State having just a single, solitary tight end who appears to have been actually coached in the non-trivial art of how to block in tackle football with an inconvenient datapoint like Noah Ruggles aiming a game-winning field goal just 82 yards to the right of where it landed. It will be too soon 50 years from now.

I was ready to not think about tight end blocking at least until August, but then this tweet showed up in 11W Slack over the weekend and it began squatting in my brain immediately.

With CJ Stroud throwing him the rock

Cade Stover has a legit chance to be the greatest NFL tight end in Ohio State history. pic.twitter.com/fnDqg8Hd4g

— Sam Block (@theblockspot) April 28, 2024

I like Sam Block, whom I only know from his rosy Ohio State tweets. They are bullish. They are passionate. They occupy an orbit between Neptune and Uranus which creates a level of lightheadedness I would enjoy if I removed healthy skepticism from my analytical diet.

Advantage by position:
HC - Ohio State
QB - Ohio State
WR - Ohio State
RB - Ohio State
TE - Georgia
But give me Cade Stover over Brock Bowers tomorrow night.

— Sam Block (@theblockspot) December 31, 2022

Stover removed himself from that Peach Bowl after hurting himself leaping over a tackler which is fun for GIFs and crowd reaction but generally ill-advised. Bowers saved Georgia by converting a 4th down conversion the Buckeyes had sniffed out, one of like 10 moments which had to go the Bulldogs' way for them to win. We're out of scope here. This isn't a Cade Stover column.

Ohio State fans are blessed in abundance, but there is still a lengthy list of things we require to be happy. We accumulated many of those things - not all of them, but an abundant sum - after the disastrous Cotton Bowl game plan and performance forced the issue with the guys in charge.

One of the things we do not need is another tight end villain. I have no interest in making Stover into a Tight End Famous for a Bad Thing because we already have one of those and it's one too many. But Ohio State's TE room did not get collectively worse at blocking with his matriculation into the NFL.

Cade Stover: 2nd best TE in CFB pic.twitter.com/AGrWmjaaac

— Sam Block (@theblockspot) March 16, 2023

The second-best tight end in college football was the eighth one off the board over the weekend and the fifth taken from B1G programs. Stover was picked after Illinois' Tip Reiman, Penn State's Theo Johnson, Iowa's Erick All and Michigan's AJ Barner. Georgia's Brock Bowers was the first one taken.

Here are their college stats. You won't see much separation after Bowers.

Stover played in a passing offense which has featured at least one future NFL star catching passes each season for over a decade. And yet he didn't get picked up until the tail end of what became a 4th round run on tight ends, most of whom he outperformed statistically.

It was never a big secret. Stover, a high school running back, started out as a linebacker at Ohio State and switched to tight end. He was one of the least inspiring blockers at his position in recent program memory. It's not hating - the whole room has been a liability in that critical discipline, and Stover has effectively been that room since he became a tight end.

This wasn't quite as open of a secret as Parker Fleming Has Absolutely No Idea What He's Doing but it wasn't closely guarded either. Stover just sat in front of microphones prior to the Draft and bristled when the OSU beat casually asked him about his blocking issues and concerns that brings at the next level. They scrutinize the film, as do NFL scouts. They know.

This article could have very easily been a GIF orgy of TE blocking whiffs but again, we don't need another villain and I'm not interested in writing that column. We have to mention that Jones casually predicted where we would be in this discussion back when Stover was first seen running routes and catching passes at the Woody from Jack Miller a month before the pandemic hit.

February 20, 2020 in 11W Slack

He played almost 300 more snaps than Gee Scott Jr at the position, which gave him more opportunities to miss critical blocks - and those whiffs were hard to miss. This is a Ohio State Desperately Needs Tight Ends Who Can Block column, relishing the stark beauty of lost things - namely 6'4" guys sealing the edge and erasing a guy who otherwise would have made the tackle.

The past couple of seasons, that guy tended to end the play far too often. He needs to be erased if the 2024 season is going to line up with our wild offseason fantasies.

Four years ago, Farrell and Ruckert appeared to relish this critical task. Ruckert was built for dual weaponry as a pass-catcher. Stover was converted, like Scott - and no one else from that room has emerged during this unfortunate era where the offensive line needs it most.

If Keenan Bailey's room can emerge as a unit devoted to erasing defenders, the offensive line, Ohio State's cursed short yardage efficacy, relative wild card quarterback performance and the entire team should benefit.

Ohio State went from playing five tackles in 2022 to struggling to find two serviceable ones in 2023. That condition should be slightly better in 2024, but do you know which pass-catching position helps struggling offensive tackles with blocking? Of course you do.

The offensive line used to be the heart and soul of the football program under Urban Meyer. It's been an annual question mark since his recruits matriculated, and a tight end room more passionate about erasing guys than competing with Zone 6 for receptions would go a long way to juicing the OL's performance.

Day famously went heel in South Bend about his team's perceived toughness after the Buckeyes escaped by the skin of their teeth in an evening dominated by their chronic inability to move the ball four feet when they needed a single yard. Their mystifying short-yardage albatross has hung over the program for several seasons.

It's not a closely guarded secret, either. The Slobs are significantly downgraded, and the tight ends absolutely have not risen to the occasion. It's recruiting and development. Margarine, Maine divorce rates and Johnny Depp movies had nothing to do with any of that.

RELATED The Sweet Spot (2017)

Scheme and play calling sure did. A head coach juggling four jobs at once during a live game had an impact, and that's scheduled to end this season. A clunky, under-recruited offensive line failing to gel, absolutely. And tight ends which have been a blocking liability since the 2020 season concluded, most definitely.

If Keenan Bailey's room can emerge from this offseason as a unit devoted to effectively erasing defenders, the offensive line, Ohio State's cursed short yardage efficacy, relative wild card quarterback performance and the entire team should benefit.

Authentic, holistic team improvement courtesy of the tight end. Nothing spurious about it.