Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Buckaroo Banzai 12th Warrior

Columbus, OH (via Columbus, OH)

MEMBER SINCE   December 08, 2016

OSU grad x 2. Retired shyster.


  • SPORTS MOMENT: All OSU football victories; 85 Yards Through the Heart of the South.
  • COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYER: Archie Griffin. Is there any other?
  • NHL TEAM: Hockey is a Canadian plot to conquer the world.
  • NBA TEAM: CAVs Rock.
  • MLB TEAM: The Birds on Bats
  • SOCCER TEAM: None. It is hockey played on grass.

Recent Activity

Comment 15 Apr 2019

Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!

It is spring 1982. I walk with my girlfriend to Cannon Dive just north and west of the Shoe. The road that marks the northern boundary of the Shoe is about to be redesignated and dedicated as Woody Hayes Drive. And we are standing there and I am looking off somewhere as I blather and ask a stupid question, which she fails to answer. So I glance left and see her gaping, open mouthed and slack jawed, drool practically dripping off her pretty little chin, and I look up and we are standing right next to a literal Adonis, 6'3" tall, chiseled out of granite and forged of titanium alloy, shamelessly handsome with forearms the size of my calves and biceps that look like overinflated basketballs. Tom Cousineau then graciously autographed her perfect, ample alabaster bosom t-shirt, and she

Comment 09 Apr 2019

I see a bottle of Lindeman's at the left front corner with a cork stuck in it halfway.

Life is too short to drink oxidized wine. Get yourself a Vacu Vin. Ten to twelve bucks that will pay for itself one thousand fold over its lifetime. Note:  Partially consumed bottles of wine preserved in this fashion will remain drinkable and enjoyable for three to five days before losing all of their essential aromatics, where simply recorking it gives you less than 24 hours to get back to it.

There are others out there as well, but Vacu Vin has been around for thirty years and still gets great reviews.

Comment 06 Apr 2019

In the mid-eighties and then again in the early nineties after I had moved back to Columbus from New York, I got my hair cut by Emil Colosimo, who had a barber shop in that little shopping center on the northeast corner of Fishinger and Riverside Drive. He cut Bob Knight's hair every time Coach Knight came to town to visit Coach Taylor. And it turns out that Coach Knight visited Coach Taylor a lot. Emil was full of stories about what all Bob Knight was doing for Coach Taylor. I had never been a huge fan of the Knightster, until I learned more about who he was as a person. He is imperfect, just like me, but he has a great many positive qualities.

I resent people who judge Woody solely on how his career ended. I consider them lazy for not taking the time to find out about all the many and varied great things he did for people off the football field. Could it be that Bob Knight is suffering this same fate at the hands of some?

Comment 29 Mar 2019

MGoBlow, well-known radioactive slag heap, will be a molten radioactive slag heap in ten minutes. 

Comment 23 Mar 2019

Ha! I had a civ pro prof who referred to the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals as Disneyland. 

Comment 22 Mar 2019

Yeah, kids change the scenario. If you had mentioned them in the original post, I never would have suggested the alternative day hikes. Seriously, if they are at least 5 years old, you can easily do a mile or two down the Bright Angel and back. It is the super highway of the GC and is not taxing at all. Heck, just go far enough down to lose sight of the rim before you turn around. That perspective changes everything. And your kids get to say we went down into the Grand Canyon. 

Cool thing about Arizona (among many):  When you land in Phoenix and rent your car, the road out of Sky Harbor airport to I-17 is named, drumroll . . . Buckeye Road.

Comment 22 Mar 2019

If you go down for a day hike of any length, don't be a dick and leave trash behind. That seems like a simple common sense request, but you would be amazed at how many gaping assholes have gone down there ahead of you and left their shit behind. There is a separate circle of Hell reserved for these socially retarded cretins that Dante does not describe in his Divine Comedy.

Comment 22 Mar 2019

It's right around 8 miles to Phantom Ranch, but you can stop and turn around and go back up from any point. But the real question you want to ask is how steep it is and how easy it is to follow and traverse. Compared to every other trail, developed or undeveloped, it is the most maintained, smoothest, best marked and highly traveled trail in the canyon. It is by far the most popular trail, especially for day hiking (which means no overnight stay). It has a lot of traffic, but at least you can get down in there and see the canyon from some point of view other looking down into it. I had an extra day left after a six day trip in, so when I came out, the next day I day hiked the Bright Angel to Phantom Ranch and back up. It did not take long at all. Of course, it is a lot easier coming out when you don't have a full pack, including 2 1/2 gallons of water.

I would also recommend day hiking the Hermit Trail for about 3 miles down (you should have about a gallon of water on you and some form of water treatment process for emergency), but no further. I cannot stress this enough. My wife and I rescued a hiker in distress on this portion of the Hermit back in the eighties. He was suffering from obvious heat exhaustion (he had an empty one quart container clipped to his belt) and required significant rehydration before we carried him back up to the rim and handed him off to park rangers for transport to a hospital. 

The Hermit is steeper and not nearly as well maintained as the Bright Angel (but requires no route finding ability in the upper section). It has lots of great views and interesting things to see (I saw a bighorn there, as well as good sized diamondback) and very few, if any, people. If you get far enough to see a long series of switchbacks zig-zagging down from where you are standing, you have reached Breezy Point (3 miles from the rim) and are looking at the Cathedral Stairs. Here you need to turn around and go back up. The Cathedral Stairs can be brutal, especially when all lit up in the heat of the day, and they comprise the steepest portion of the entire trail.

Also, the aptly named Grandview Trail provides stunning vistas, but it is hella steep, with a 2,500 foot grade change from the rim to Horseshoe Mesa (a distance of 3 miles). Again, carry adequate water with you along with an emergency means of water purification for emergencies. With the Grandview especially, allow twice the time to come back up as you took getting to where you decide to turn around.

Both of these two alternative day hikes I have suggested would require 6-8 hours of hiking to complete a round trip from rim to turnaround and back to the rim, depending on your age and general condition. They both are best done in real hiking boots as well. There are some serious rough spots in these two trails and ankle support can be a lifesaver, literally.

The hours I spent in the canyon are some of the most treasured of my life. It is a mystical spiritual experience that cannot be described or explained. I never felt more alone or scared or alive than the seven day solo I took down the New Hance. It cleansed my soul.

Comment 22 Mar 2019

I have backpacked nearly ninety miles of trail in the GC. My experience is limited to week long trips inside the canyon requiring a back country use permit that allows "at large" camping. I really know almost nothing about what's on the rim or anyplace else there where more than five to eight people can be found. I do know that the El Tovar is a good place to get a cold drink from the drinking fountain when you have crested the trail head after humping your pack uphill for the last 3 hours without water. If you have time, you can day hike the autobahn (the Bright Angel Trail) to at least get down in there. Oak Creek Canyon in the Sedona area is quite lovely.

Comment 19 Mar 2019

Can't really see that. The technology is likely not specific enough to pinpoint the exact location of the gunfire. While it sounds like it is good enough to call for an enhanced police presence to conduct additional investigation in the area, it is unlikely good enough to by itself to provide the probable cause required to obtain a warrant to search a specific location, or to create the exigent circumstances that would permit a warrantless search. Of course, the modern judicial trend (post-Warren Court) has been to relax the application of the Fourth Amendment, so who knows.

Here it sounds like the police follow-up was a door-to-door knock and inquire, at which time they identified Mr. Smith as a fugitive with an outstanding warrant, permitting them to make an arrest on the spot.

Comment 19 Mar 2019

Reminds me of the show Cagney and Lacey where Tyne Dailey ran down a 15 year old athletic black kid in an alley while she was wearing a skirt and high heels. I never watched it again.

Tyne Daly was a badass. She took one for the Clintster in The Enforcer.

Then she died. And then she resurrected for Cagney & Lacey.


I bet she could shoot laser beams from her eyes and fire thunder bolts out her hoo-haw.

Comment 16 Mar 2019

I guess I should also indicate what specific NCAA bylaws may be at play here. Remember, we are only talking about those cases involving students who had falsified recruitment statuses involving NCAA sanctioned sports (i.e. those students who had their admissions credentials fluffed both athletically and academically).

10.01 General Principle.10.01.1 Honesty and Sportsmanship. Individuals employed by (or associated with) a member institution to administer, conduct or coach intercollegiate athletics and all participating student-athletes shall act with honesty and sportsmanship at all times so that intercollegiate athletics as a whole, their institutions and they, as individuals, shall represent the honor and dignity of fair play and the generally recognized high standards associated with wholesome competitive sports.

13.02.13 Prospective Student-Athlete. A prospective student-athlete is a student who has started classes for the ninth grade. In addition, a student who has not started classes for the ninth grade becomes a prospective student-athlete if the institution provides such an individual (or the individual’s relatives or friends) any financial assistance or other benefits that the institution does not provide to prospective students generally. An individual remains a prospective student-athlete until one of the following occurs (whichever is earlier): (Revised: 1/11/89, 1/10/90, Adopted: 4/28/05, 1/17/09, 1/19/13 effective 8/1/13)(a) The individual officially registers and enrolls in a minimum full-time program of studies and attends classes in any term of a four-year collegiate institution’s regular academic year (excluding summer); (b) The individual participates in a regular squad practice or competition at a four-year collegiate institution that occurs before the beginning of any term; (c) The individual officially registers, enrolls and attends classes during the certifying institution’s summer term prior to his or her initial full-time enrollment at the certifying institution; or (d) The individual reports to an institutional orientation session that is open to all incoming students within 14 calendar days prior to the opening day of classes of a regular academic year term.

14.1.2 Validity of Academic Credentials. As a condition and obligation of membership, an institution is responsible for determining the validity of a student-athlete’s academic record. (Revised: 4/26/17 effective 8/1/17) Pre-Enrollment Academic Misconduct. A prospective student-athlete, student-athlete, representative of athletics interests or a current or former institutional staff member shall not: (Adopted: 4/28/16 effective 8/1/06, Revised: 4/26/17 effective 8/1/17)(a) Arrange for a false or inaccurate academic record (e.g., courses, grades, credits, transcripts, test scores) for a prospective student-athlete; or (b) Provide false, inaccurate or incomplete information to the NCAA or an institution regarding a prospective student-athlete’s academic record.

Thus, even though the students who were positioned to benefit from falsified athletic prowess and interest in an NCAA sanctioned sport (an interest and prowess fabricated solely to enhance their chances for admission to the desired school) were not by definition "student-athletes," it can be argued that they were "prospective student-athletes" for purposes of this last bylaw. And insofar as the NCAA was being unwittingly and impermissibly used by this scheme as a part of the illegal "side-door" entrance, as Mr. Singer himself called it, I would not be surprised if the NCAA did not take swift and certain action to find violations of its bylaws by the head coaches who have been indicted.

Comment 16 Mar 2019

I must respectfully disagree with you on this NB.

Numerous current and former head coaches of NCAA sanctioned sports have been indicted, such as Gordon Ernst, head coach of the University of Rhode Island women’s tennis team in 2018, and for the previous twelve years, head coach of the men's and/or women's tennis teams at Georgetown University; Rudolph Meredith, former head women’s soccer coach at Yale University; William Ferguson,  former women’s volleyball coach at Wake Forest University; Ali Khosroshahin, former head coach of women’s soccer at USC; Jorge Salcedo, former head coach of men’s soccer at the University of California at Los Angeles; and Michael Center, men’s tennis coach at the University of Texas at Austin. 

The NCAA Committee on Infractions has published guidance for university administrators clarifying and defining what conduct constitutes proper exercise of institutional control, as well as what conduct constitutes a failure to exercise institutional control. Please see Principles of Institutional Control.

No. 8 under the heading "Acts that are likely to demonstrate a lack of institutional control" provides:

A head coach fails to create and maintain an atmosphere for compliance within his or her program or fails to monitor the activities of assistant coaches. A head coach has a special obligation to establish a spirit of compliance among the entire team, including assistant coaches, other staff, and student-athletes. The head coach must observe the activities of assistant coaches and staff to determine if they are acting in compliance with NCAA rules. Too often, when assistant coaches are involved in a web of serious violations, head coaches profess ignorance, saying that they were too busy to know what was occurring and that they trusted their assistants. Such a failure by head coaches to control their teams, alone, or with the assistance of a staff member with compliance responsibilities, is a lack of institutional control. This is not to imply that every violation by an assistant involves a lack of institutional control. If the head coach sets a proper tone of compliance and monitors the activities of all assistant coaches in the sport, the head coach cannot be charged with the secretive activities of an assistant bent on violating NCAA rules.

The directive imposes a mandatory affirmative duty upon the head coach of each NCAA sanctioned sport to create an atmosphere of compliance and is not limited to "revenue sports." Where the head coach of an NCAA sanctioned sport is him or herself willfully circumventing an NCAA bylaw, or conspiring to do so, it is impossible to argue, much less conclude, that said coach is fostering an atmosphere for compliance. The presumably (criminally) innocent assistant coaches may even find themselves in difficulty with the NCAA as well, as it may prove very difficult for any of them to prove they had no knowledge of irregularities when "recruits" about whom they previously knew nothing suddenly began showing up on recruitment lists and rosters. This raises the specter that the assistant coaches may have violated a duty to report suspected non-compliant activity to appropriate university officials.

Comment 13 Mar 2019

UNC walked free after one of the most damning academic fraud investigations ever conducted. The NCAA essentially concluded that merely because the "paper courses" were available to all students, the disproportionately high number of "student" athletes enrolling therein and directly benefiting therefrom was insufficient evidence to prove wrongdoing by UNC. However, the NCAA final report somehow failed to address how this particularly troubling finding in the Wainstein report did not amount to a provision of impermissible benefits to student athletes, where tutoring assistance that included writing all or portions of the paper that determined 100% of the class grade was provided to student athletes only (meaning it was not given to the other students who were not athletes taking the classes).

ASPSA (the Academic Support Program for Student-Athletes) made tutors available to all student-athletes, and those tutors often helped the student-athletes with their paper-class papers. While most conducted themselves appropriately, several of the tutors crossed the line between permissible and impermissible assistance and drafted parts of the papers that the student-athletes submitted for credit in these classes. Wainstein Report, at page 4 (page 8 using the pdf pagination).

Some student-athletes also took advantage of overly helpful tutors who would write parts of their papers for them. In every tutor-student relationship, there is a fine line between the appropriate and inappropriate level of assistance the tutor can provide in the paper drafting process. While gentle suggestions as to topics or text for the student to consider would generally be appropriate, feeding the student with paragraphs of completed text would not. There were certain ASPSA tutors who crossed that line in assisting student-athletes with their papers for the paper classes. One example was a tutor for the football players, Jennifer Wiley. She started out on the right side of that line, helping to guide the players in the formulation of their papers without doing any drafting for them. After struggling with the challenged writing proficiency of many players, she eventually found herself actually drafting sections of papers for several of the struggling players. Given their seeming inability to draft a passable paper on their own and the pressure she felt to keep them on track toward eligibility, Wiley felt she had little choice but to cross the line and do some of their work for them. Wainstein, at page 20 (page 24 of pdf pagination).

Moreover, in the course of investigating the issue of grade manipulation within the paper course curriculum, the Wainstein Report found that Deborah Crowder (the UNC Department of African and Afro-American Studies Student Services Manager) and/or Dr. Julius Nyang’oro (the chair of the UNC Department of AFAM) increased grades that had been assigned by other faculty in non-irregular courses in order to keep certain student-athletes eligible and assigned grades to student-athletes based on input from ASPSA counselors as to the grades needed to keep each student-athlete eligible. See Wainstein, at pp. 38-39 (pp. 42-43 pdf pagination).

It is my belief that the NCAA went out of its way to avoid finding violations of its bylaws in this case. The United States judicial system permits disparate impact analysis for the purposes of making out a case of unlawful discrimination. It requires no stretch to apply the principle to incidents relating to academic misconduct for the purpose of maintaining academic eligibility for student-athletes. Those benefiting from grade inflation due to "paper course" enrollment were disproportionately student athletes. Such a statistical analysis, coupled with direct testimonial and documentary evidence that UNC Athletic Department officials actively counseled and steered student-athletes into these courses for the purpose of inflating grades and maintaining academic eligibility (Wainstein, pp. 21-22, pp. 25-26 pdf pagination) is overwhelming evidence of institutional academic fraud for the purpose of circumventing NCAA bylaws.

The NCAA-UNC decision did one of two things: It proved that the NCAA is a paper tiger when it comes to paper courses. Or, if it treats in the future some other educational institution differently for the same or substantially similar conduct, it proves that some animals are more equal than others. (Apologies to Mr. Orwell).

So, don't hold your breath for any meaningful action by the NCAA here. It probably knows that it is under a microscope on this case and must tread carefully on the thin ice it made with the UNC decision. Of course, that said, it can always find or create a distinction without meaning to do whatever it wants to do.

Comment 11 Mar 2019

Dabo Swinney should change his last name to Dooya and name his son Lil Dabo.

Jim Harbaugh is a genius who is secretly putting together a college football dynasty unlike any before seen. He will absolutely dominate college football for the next twenty years. We will all be assimilated and this is the end of the world as we know it.

People on ludes should not drive. They can stick to operating oil tankers, river barges and tug boats.

There's no business like show business and nobody knows the trouble I've seen.

4 out of 5 dentists are ripped to the bejeezus on N2O all day long.

I'll see myself out.

Comment 10 Mar 2019

I also remember the January 1, 1973 Rose Bowl as being painful. Sam Bam Cunningham leaping up and over the D line like it was not even there for a 42-17 beatdown. And as if that were not enough, I vividly recall the announcement during the game that Roberto Clemente's chartered plane had gone down the day prior during an attempt to deliver relief supplies to Nicaraguan earthquake victims. I believe that game marked the first time my parents ever heard the F bomb issue forth from my mouth. I was fifteen at the time.