Infinite Jest

Comments Show All Comments

BrutusBuckey3's picture

Tom Creen Indiana mascot hahahaha

HS
Alhan's picture

Rest in peace, BB3.

"The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different heroes." - EACommunityTeam

HS
IBLEEDSCARLETANDGRAY's picture

Trying to be objective about this, but the Florida rings look like they were all procured from a coin-operated vending machine in front of a Publix and delivered to each player and coach in their original plastic bubble casings.

I live in Florida and I can attest to this. Most of them are mood rings. I am sure to most UF fans these days those rings look like black onyx to mirror the pit of hell they're in right now.

Ramzy you forgot to mention the Top 10 list of Coaches who resemble their mascots. As much as I like and respect him I think Jerry Kill wins that one for the Gophers hands down. And is it me, or does General Studies look a AWFUL lot like Brady Hoke? Coincidence? I think not!

"I find your lack of kalua disturbing" - Darth Lebowski

HS
BucksfanXC's picture

I like his side kick, Admiral APR

“Any time you give a man something he doesn't earn, you cheapen him. Our kids earn what they get, and that includes respect.”  - Woody

HS
CowCat's picture

It's a trap play!

"We get paid to score touchdowns, not kick field goals"
-- Urban Meyer

HS
DaiTheFlu's picture

Ibleedscarlet, I assume you're referring to the pit of hell that Urban Meyer left the Gators in?

We can't stop here; this is bat country...

HS
BucksfanXC's picture

I went from hating that Fallout Boy song for the repetitive nature to loving it. Every time I hear it I get visions of Zeke frolicking through a secondary into an endzone.

“Any time you give a man something he doesn't earn, you cheapen him. Our kids earn what they get, and that includes respect.”  - Woody

HS
NavyBuckeye91's picture

I get visions of Zeke frolicking

Zeke 'salmons', he does not under any circumstances 'frolic.'

"You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, & in the manner in which you live.
So, live. Live. Fight like hell. And when you get too tired to fight then lay down and rest and let somebody else fight for you. "
- Stuart Scott

HS
Buckeyeball043's picture

Brilliance, Ramzy...as usual.

"I am El Guapo...the handsome one."

HS
NOLABuckeye's picture

Agreed! Ramsey does it again.

Nothing cleanses the soul like a no call pass interference.

HS
HandsOfSweed's picture

Not much of a rivalry there. Florida State shuts out Cognitive Dissonance every fucking year. Shouldn't Cognitive Dissonance win at least once before you call this a rivalry?

HS
huffdaddy's picture

I feel like Jameis' crab legs spread at his draft party gave cognitive dissonance at least a moral victory.

"I don't think you necessarily have to get a trophy to be a winner." - Nick Saban 1/2/15.

HS
GordonGee4Ever's picture

11W's should make a top 10 list of Ramzy's best Situational's in slideshow form with ads that you can't skip after every slide. 

Just trying to make sure my membership dues don't go up anymore because I am reaching a point where I have to decide whether it is more important to buy whiskey or frequent this site.

All roads lead back to Columbus

HS
IGotAWoody's picture
Why not BOTH?

“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” – Theodore Roosevelt

HS
MN Buckeye's picture

Still laughing at the mascots! Thanks, Ramzy.

HS
BuckeyeVet's picture

A slam-dunk, Ramzy. As usual. You, the Cavs, and 11W may get me through the off-season after all.

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."-Groucho Marx

Goals: Beat Michigan. Win the B1G East. Beat Michigan. Win the B1G CG. Beat Michigan. Win a Natty. Beat Michigan.

HS
Meek's picture

Many gems here. Bubba Sparxxx, queefcore, General Studies . . . Bravo!

- OSU ISE -+-  Premium Banter -+- OH48 80k -

HS
NavyBuckeye91's picture

Many gems here

Especially on Zach Smith's rings.

"You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, & in the manner in which you live.
So, live. Live. Fight like hell. And when you get too tired to fight then lay down and rest and let somebody else fight for you. "
- Stuart Scott

HS
Brutus Forever's picture

Great work as always, Ramzy. This is hilarious.

HS
theevol1's picture

Civil conflict?? is that a real thing? Seriously?!

Instead of playing the game, do they just hire an arbitrator to decide who wins?

DBU? LBU? You can keep those. The Ohio State University is 9unitsU.

HS
JOhio1560's picture

General Studies is frickin hilarious!  

I vote that 11W use him as anther way to reference TTUN.

I'm not finished!  Before we let you leave, your commander must cross that field, present himself before this army, put his head between his legs, and kiss his own arse.

HS
northernLLamma's picture

CRUNCH-A-TIZE ME CAP'N!

capn crunch = UM mascot

...and I got 2 words for you: GAME OVER!

HS
WVpharmBuck09's picture

Any way to reference them would be better than scUM. We're better than that. 

Also, I dug that hype video until the millisecond subliminal photo of the big nut...eff that guy. Why must he pollute everything that is OSU football?

HS
Cooper's picture

Had ESPN chosen a baby elephant belching over the sound of two Korean barbers fighting each other for a pair of rusty scissors for its 2014 season theme song, that would occupy this space. 

So... it was like listening to Moop, essentially.

*Edit* Well Youtube took the fun away. No playbacks, I guess.

This is definitely where I parked my car.

HS
TMac's picture

86 more days till CFB. 

Thanks for making this one easier Ramzy!

#ItsGreatToBeABUCKEYE

HS
faux_maestro's picture

New category: most ironic use of the phrase "perpetually aggrieved". I nominate Brian Cook of mgoblog.

They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.

HS
zmoty9's picture

Thank you so much for calling out slideshows.  I hate how often I click into a 'story', see that it's a slideshow, and immediately exit.  Just the absolute worst.  The Michigan of web design, if you will.

HS
Seattle Linga's picture

This got better and better the more I scrolled down

The off season bites !!

It's not a rivalry .............. it's a wreckoning.

Seattle Sounders 2019 MLS Champions

HS
OSUBias's picture

"Queefcore" made Chipotle hot sauce come through my nose. It burns...badly. Totally worth it, though, thank you. 

HS
ohiobobg's picture

THIS is why 11W is the best thing ever on the interweb, and it's not even close.

"you can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning"

HS
kmp10's picture

Adding a little black accent a few years back was a good move. I was skeptical at first, but it just pops – a nice addition to an old classic. - See more at: http://athlonsports.com/college-football/ranking-big-tens-2015-football-...

Who is this muldoon? Ohio State has had "black accents" since Woody Hayes helped to design the current uniform way back in 1968. Nike has decided to deemphasize the black on the uniform for some moronic, idiotic and stupid reason... but the black has been a part of this classic uniform since it's debut, including the silver helmet, in 1968. What a dope...

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 70's 

HS
Hovenaut's picture

I left the office to read this.

The general public is concerned and alarmed at my very public outburst.

Hindsight is, and in, 2020

HS
NavyBuckeye91's picture

Hovenaut was all

"You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, & in the manner in which you live.
So, live. Live. Fight like hell. And when you get too tired to fight then lay down and rest and let somebody else fight for you. "
- Stuart Scott

HS
rkylet83's picture

If you don't laugh at Goldie, there is something wrong with you!

HS
BuckeyeRy4's picture

Gotta admit, laughing at work on that friggin vine.

HS
DurhamBuckeye's picture

Ohio State's CFP [jerseys] from last season that were perfect in every single way

A lot of other stuff written here was good, but nothing was more accurate than this.  

HS
Potatodigger's picture

a baby elephant belching over the sound of two Korean barbers fighting each other for a pair of rusty scissors

Is this available on iTunes? Asking for a friend.

I don't DV. Most people don't deserve it, and the ones who do probably enjoy it.

HS
Tater_Schroeder's picture

My friend said he'd like to hear it, too.

Pray for potatoes with a hoe in your hand.

HS
GrandTheftHarley's picture

PURDUE - BTN Check-Cashing Welfare Queen

Devastating. Withering. Unsparing. And outrageously funny.

I am not very smart, but I recognize that I'm not very smart. --- W.W. Hayes

HS
apack614's picture

I look forward to your articles every Wednesday, Ramzy. You never disappoint! Thanks for a good laugh today!

Earle for MOD in 16', it'll be the last best thing to ever happen to him.

HS
Denny's picture

I was really hoping to see The Year of Glad used in this article, or Les Assassins en Fauteuils Roulants. :(

Taquitos.

HS
buckeyepastor's picture

As usual, Ramzy hits it out of the park.    

"Woody would have wanted it that way" 

HS
sharks's picture

General Studies has to become a thing.

He's a two-star general, just like their recruits

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster...

HS
Maka's picture

This belongs in the Buckeye Hall of Fame...excellent again Ramzy.

HS
Run_Fido_Run's picture

Best example of a fan/coach wearing a shirt made out of body paint or other cosmetic materials (no links provided, by recommendation of my blog-lawyer):

  1. Ohio State girl In New Orleans.
  2. NY Giants body paint shoot.
  3. Jim Harbaugh wearing skin removed from the torso of an 83 year old man.   
HS
CrimsonReLLiK's picture

I will take the fall if this is out of line...

But it's relevant to your comment and while put in another context, funny to me.

Is that pizza?
HS
buckeyemanda's picture

Thank you for one of the best articles in the offseason.

HS
Buckeyeincleveburg's picture

An offseason article about the offseason ... very Seinfeldian

HS
NOLABuckeye's picture

Are Coach Smith's hands sunburned?

Nothing cleanses the soul like a no call pass interference.

HS
NOLABuckeye's picture

Maybe the glare from all those rings?

Nothing cleanses the soul like a no call pass interference.

HS
Run_Fido_Run's picture

Nah, Smith is pressing his fingertips on a table top, so that he can spread out and flatten his fingers/hands to accentuate the bad a-- bling display. If you do the same thing right now - press your fingertips on a desk/counter, you'll see the blood bunch up in the same places in your fingers. 

HS
MackRM408's picture

Pete Carroll only won one BCS championship and that has been vacated. The 2003 season Nat'l Championship they won was the AP poll.

HS
NOLABuckeye's picture

They were the National Crybabies that year. 

Nothing cleanses the soul like a no call pass interference.

HS
Crumb's picture

Anyone who counts them as 2003 National Champs has to count the 2012 Buckeyes as National Champs too.

HS
PapaKilo05's picture

"queefcore anthem"... I just lost my shit...can't breathe... need to finish column...

PK

HS
Crumb's picture

I love it when I start to read an article without checking who wrote it and a paragraph in I know without scrolling back to the top it was Ramzy.

HS
Andy Vance's picture

Your friends who operate this web site are committed to keeping it a slideshow-free community.

Praise the good lord.

Jumar's picture
Ramzy,

If you continue to think what you always thought, you will continue to get what you always got. #AlumforStaff

HS
CowCat's picture

"Creepy giant hand puppet". I almost spit my drink through my nose.

"We get paid to score touchdowns, not kick field goals"
-- Urban Meyer

HS
TPMBuck's picture

Best scissors fight ever - guy was in middle of haircut when he stabbed another person with scissors. This is his mug shot when he was arrested.

http://gothamist.com/2011/03/09/stabbing_fight_leaves_man_with_unfo.php

HS
GrandTheftHarley's picture

BTW, Ramzy, I enjoyed the allusion to the David Foster Wallace work of the same title. I only got through half of the book before throwing in the towel. Dad-Gum epic reads like Joyce's "Ulysses."

I am not very smart, but I recognize that I'm not very smart. --- W.W. Hayes

HS
brutus0717's picture

Damn, Ramzy, please don't EVER stop what your doing! My 18 yr old is looking at me like I'm insane I'm laughing so hard!! And as for the Fisch résumé, ain't the internet a beautiful thing?!?

"We gotta go win this next game and make the State of Ohio proud!"-UFM

HS
FitzBuck's picture

Sometimes you click all the way through them, artificially inflating the advertising rates for mediocre web sites and keeping them in business. This is very bad and you should feel bad.

Fitzbuck | Toledo - Ohio's right armpit | "A troll by any other name is still a troll".

HS
BeatTTUN's picture

Goodness 2011 was like one long coyote date.

Stellar as usual Ramzy

I saw Ryan Day hang 62 on Michigan...His hair was perfect.

Go Buckeyes Beat Michigan

HS
Dillon G's picture

Was that Beanie Wells in the gopher outfit?

#walkaway

HS
ISURVIVEDCOOPER's picture

I almost lost my beer at this one. Great stuff. One thing that perplexes me though are the 2 Korean barbers - my kin only own dry cleaning, yo!

"I don't apologize for anything.  When I make a mistake, I take the blame and go on from there." - Woody Hayes

HS
TTUN@SS@SIN's picture

General Studies, LMFAO. Thanks Ramzy

“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” - Mark Twain

HS
osugreg04's picture

Since we're scandal free...

HS
Buckeye_Wizard's picture

Just read an article on Michigan WR coach Jedd Fisch....the subject of the infamous "Who do you want to trust with your future?" poster.  

Turns out he never played football in high school or college.  He was a tennis player.  But he does state in the article, "I was brought up as a coach."  

Perhaps he also stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.  WTF?

http://www.seahawks.com/news/2010/07/10/fischs-journey

Quote from ttun fan: "It is not a rivalry anymore. It is a yearly execution."

HS
ScarletNGrey01's picture

I played tennis for 30 years.  Love the sport.  I never played football at any level.  My point is ... well since almost everyone on the 11W site knows more about football than me ... never mind ... what you said!

The will to win is not as important as the will to prepare to win. -- Woody Hayes

HS
Icouldnotgofor3's picture

I like our mascot more.........

Saban on a cart eating cold pizza

HS
maniacmcgoo's picture

Bad things happen to those who cross Brutus

HS
ScarletNGrey01's picture

I can't believe I gave this Ramzy Nasrallah guy more click streams, I get lured into his articles every single time ...

My favorite is "Best Jedd Fisch Resumé Omissions", hilarious, don't know how Ramzy keeps coming up with one home run after another.

The will to win is not as important as the will to prepare to win. -- Woody Hayes

HS
Maestro's picture

Work prohibits me from visiting the site very often during the offseason (I find ways in the Fall), but anytime I see an article written by RN I must read it.  Usually I am pretty happy that I did so.  Today is no different.  Queefcore anthem will be stolen for my personal use.  Thanks Ramzy.

vacuuming sucks

HS
ScarletNGrey01's picture

The Maestro!

I'm lucky right now that I can work from home (will code for food) but once I have to go back on the road whole 'nuther ball game.

The will to win is not as important as the will to prepare to win. -- Woody Hayes

HS
bee_gee34's picture

I absolutely hated the Fall out Boy song at the time, but it's so closely associated with the inaugural CFP that it always takes me back to the Bama game.  Great memories.  Great article.

HS
BucksHave7's picture

Zach wins more championships at tOSU than Jedd Duesch does at U of M!   Jedd could t even make his HS team.   At the HS level, smarts for the game would trump Jedd's lack of athletic ability.

BucksHave7

HS
Hawkster's picture

Got hard chills watching the Road to the National Championship video!  WOW!

HS