The Football Nerds: Ranked *Edited to meet popular demand

BuckeyeAtHeart22's picture
September 17, 2013 at 9:39 am

1) Northwestern
Ranked at 22 by USA Today, the Wildcats are undefeated and probably will remain so until they play Ohio State.  Their nerds are super nerdy:
    This is not English.  It might even be a dead language.  I have no idea, but I know that 98% of the people in that pic know.
 It's an away game at home.  Everybody is busily studying for that one quiz in that one intro history class and can't make it to the game.
 Zooey is like an 8 or so.  She went there.
Tuition is $45,500 this year
Ranked #12 school, public or private
But the real reason they are #1 in the Nerd football rankings are these helmets:

2) Stanford
Also undefeated and ranked 4th nationally.  But in the nerd ranking they are behind Northwestern because they are not as cool; however, they can still be pretty hilarious.
They always have a good pro-style QB and running attack. They are the one top-10 team that I have not seen play yet.
  They are proud to be nerds, which is an important trait in these rankings
 The black kid really stands out. Cuz he is the only one watching the game!  Tsk tsk mental racism
 DAYUMM!! sexiest campus in the USA
However, there are no sexy girls.  Deduct 300 points.  Plus even if one showed up, Tiger would snag her SOOO fast.
$44,000 tuition this year
#5 ranked school public or private
The tree is cool, but Northwestern has a better, more tangible mascot and much hotter women.
They usualy suck at football, so until they prove otherwise they are 3rd in the rankings.  But they are in the top 3 for these reasons:


There are WAY hotter UCLA girls but all those pictures were for modeling and completely NSFW
And most of the guys there are nerds!  These girls must chase celebrities being in LA and all but WOW I should have gone to UCLA.
3rd best public school
$40,000 tuition this year
Awesome uniforms
4) USC
Their coach is easily the stupidest person within a 50 mile radius of that campus.
5) BYU
The most boring place on earth since 1892.
6) Cal
We just scored 3 touchdowns in 6 minutes on their defense with our second string QB making his first career start.  Enough said.
Goff looks like he is 16 years old.
The athletes at the school are frequently confused during games due to their state of utter inebriation (aka they're f*cking high)
A student was quoted as saying "It's football season already?  It was July, like yesterday..." just 3 days ago.

1) All of them got rejected by UCLA
2) None of them know where they are, or what day it is.  Pulling a 98% in physics, though.

This is nice, but remember the palace grounds that are the Stanford campus?  These schools are like 40 minutes apart, so wtf?
    *Just a Stanford reminder.  For comparison purposes.*
^This is just Stanford.  Wanted to visually show that Berkeley is a little brother^
Tuition is a paltry $26,000 this year.  That might get you an advisor and half of a twin bed at UCLA.
Guess what Berkeley?  Boulder and Denver etc..., CO, and Seattle and Olympia etc..., WA beat you to having legal weed.  And you try SO hard.
Oppenheimer, the spearhead of the project inventing the DESTRUCTION OF MAN, both went to and taught at Cal.
   Golly, Thanks Berkeley! That thing sure is swell !


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA lol lmfao HAHAHAHAHA this was 3000 miles from Ohio! This wasn't Bloomington!
Between the stoners, hippies, trickle-down cheerleaders, LSD, Molly, shrooms, AMT, DXM, MDA, speed, heroin, Oxycontin, 2cB-Dragonfly, LSA, brownies, Xanax, Klonopin, Valium, alcohol, DMT, MDE, methylphenidate, adderall, Dexosyn, Neurontin, Seroquel, codeine, opium, morphine, Vicodin, Percocet, Amanitas mushrooms, poppy tea, barbiturates, Concerta, Dilaudid, oxymorphone, and tobacco it's hard to do well in the REALLY REALLY REALLY hard classes.
Cal is the cumulative little brother of Stanford for academics and campus, UCLA for women and also the campus, USC for everything that has to do with college, San Diego State for campus location and women.  At least Cal is better than Fresno State; but is Michigan State not perrenially better than Directional Michigan? It's not a huge accomplishment.
Cal= incredibly hard school, and if you don't drop out or overdose you're gonna be rich. 4-8 years of hell.
I have no idea why I made this.  Not really sure if you can even comment on this, so don't worry about it.

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