nm_buck's picture


Member since 22 July 2013 | Blog

Helmet Stickers: 7,820 | Leaderboard

Voting Record: 2537 / 586


  • SPORTS MOMENT: Zeke's 85 yarder
  • COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYER: 2014 - Evan Spencer
  • NFL TEAM: Chiefs
  • MLB TEAM: Reds

Recent Activity

Comment 29 Aug 2015
I also think the park visitors would enjoy seeing the Bosa bears up close rather than being up close with the Yellowstone bears.

Depending on which side of the line you're on, the Yellowstone bears might be the safer option. 

Comment 29 Aug 2015

That game was absolutely horrible. We just couldn't tackle. It was like the defense was not allowed to use their arms. 

Comment 28 Aug 2015
He sure seems focused on one thing in that pic.

Actually, two things.

Comment 22 Aug 2015

The first thing I thought was this list will have DLee playing angry this season.

Comment 20 Aug 2015

For my snip job, ended up with a doctor who was Pakistani... had an accent like Apu from the Simpsons.  So I'm on the operating table and he notices I'm a bit nervous... apparently I was beading up on the forehead quite a bit. He tries to calm me down with a little humor. "So tell me nm_buck... why do you NOT want to get your vasectomy at Sears?"

"I dunno doc. Not in a very humorous mood right about now but I'll bite.  Why don't I want to get a vasectomy at Sears?"

"Because nm_buck... every time you get an erection, your garage door will open!"

Needless to say I appreciated the bedside manner, however ineffective.

So next thing you know, the nurse comes in with a bucket of goo and paints my boys with this dark brown iodine solution. Then he pulls out a syringe, and sticks the needle smack in my nutsack. Stung like hell. That was probably the worst of it. It was unpleasant.

I remembered my dad once calling me numb-nuts in high school, had to snicker at that because I got numb pretty quick. The doc then took out a scalpel and cut two small incisions on each side. Then he inserted a stainless steel hook into the right incision. To perform the vasectomy (removal of the vas) they cut a small 1-2" section out of each vas. In order to do this they have to pull a loop of vas out of the nutsack through the incision, so they have enough room to work.

So he's fishing all around inside my nutsack, and it was the weirdest feeling ever. Wasn't painful. Just felt... wrong.  He finally located it, thank God, and pulls out 3 or 4 inches of the tube.

When he pulled that damned thing, I swear I could feel it in my stomach all the way up to my solarplexus. That ain't no shit. Damned thing is attached to your neck. I was an inch shorter after that.

After cutting out the section of vas, they cauterize both ends. He actually looped each end back onto itself and hog-tied 'em so they had no chance of growing back together.

They stiched up the slices, slapped on another coat of brown paint, and off I went into the sympathetic arms of my better half, none the worse. 

My sons at the time were 5 and 6, and they had a tendency to plan and execute sneak attacks on me whilst I was horizontal on the couch after work. Really had to keep one eye open for the next three days just for that reason.

Gotta say all-in all it was a breeze. Felt so good afterwards, that I completely disregarded the doc's SPECIFIC instructions to take it easy for several days. Getting a little stir crazy and having the whole house to myself, like a numb-nuts I decided I'd clean the garage. Spent about two hours getting things cleaned and organized.

By 6pm that evening I was in the fetal position on the couch. Couldn't help but think of Ah-nold's great line in Last Action Hero when he tells the bad guy "So you want to be a fah-muh? Well here's a couple acres" and proceeds to kick the poor bastard in the nuts.

That's exactly how I felt and even the best meds did not help.

So be sure to follow your instructions.

One last thing. One of my co-workers went through the same procedure shortly after I did. He also felt great afterwards. Only, it was the fourth of July weekend, and his family always went down to the Rio Grande to celebrate. He apparently had a few beers and was feeling great, and his brother talked him into going for a swim. 

With two open incisions in his nutsack.

In a river.

One side got infected, and one of his nuts swolled up like a grapefruit. They ended up having to haul him to the emergency room where they had to squeeze out the infection. Took him two more weeks to recover.

Follow your instructions and finish your meds.

Then you get to go to the doctor's office and try to obtain a sample so they can put it under the scope and count swimmers. I had to go right after work, and since my wife also worked she wasn't able to 'help.'

So you go into this cold, sterile office, with no nudie mags or any such stimulae, and you are expected to not only conjure up an erection but also aim your less-than-spirited exclamation points into a small plastic katsup tub. So off I headed into the room... trying to remember what it was like to be 14 again. Tried everything to get some arousal... staring at an old check stub that had lots of overtime... remembering the 2003 Fiesta Bowl... nothing seemed to work. I was finally able to rub one out, but dammit it wasn't anywhere near what I was normally capable of.

If that wasn't humiliating enough, when I turned in the sample, the nurse had to hold it up to the light just to see if there was anything in there. She said there might not be enough to get a proper count, which is when I suggested they oughta think about getting some proper videos for occasions like this. Thankfully it was enough for them to analyze, and they finally gave me the green light. 

All in all a great experience, so good luck with your decision. lol