dumpus's picture


Pittsburgh, PA (via Pittsburgh, PA)

Member since 07 February 2012 | Blog

Helmet Stickers: 1,057 | Leaderboard

"don't say anything mean about me or crack jokes on what i've experienced in life because i get butthurt easily and it makes me feel sad and unappreciated."
- 99% of 11w commentariat


  • SPORTS MOMENT: Taking home (and still having) a chunk of the field after the 2002 Michigan game
  • NFL TEAM: Pittsburgh Steelers
  • NHL TEAM: Pittsburgh Penguins
  • NBA TEAM: nba sucks
  • MLB TEAM: Detroit Tigers

Recent Activity

Comment 01 Jul 2014

on the contrary, good sir.  i like Melt.  as soneone who tips a scale at about 250ish, i like good food as well, and none of that nouveau cuisine "tasting menu" shit (although Jose Andreas' Minibar in DC was awesome).  i just don't like burgers that don't taste like burgers.  Five Guys burgers taste like burger for one bite, but then you get that Exxon Valdez grease slick in your mouth from the 15% lean meat they use, and you're done for.  Five Guys wouldn't even be in my top 5 of fast food burgers; it's looking up at Wendy's for christ's sake.

Comment 30 Jun 2014

we aren't Five Guys.  we aren't overrated pieces of shit between two greasy pieces of bread that fat people flap their rolls at in excitement.

they just opened a Five Guys across the street from my office in downtown Yinzburgh.  i can't wait to see the parade of diabeetus and gout wrapping around the block waiting to get inside.  by 11:00am, i'm betting that its almost gonna resemble the line at the bus stop.  yikes.

drop the Five Guys reference, and replace it with In-N-Out.  go animal style or go home.  

Comment 25 Jun 2014

why does Heuerman's little tantrum drip of "i don't deserve a ticket because i'm a football player" obnoxiousness?  

don't want a ticket?  park somewhere else.  or get a parking pass.  quit being a whiny bitch.  you wanted the Big 10 college experience?  you got it.

Comment 18 Apr 2014

I think that Ohio State is much better equipped than most large fanbases to be on the right side of life.

With all due respect, I'm sure the lovely people of Happy Valley and Steubenville felt the same way.  It's easy to be complacent about the hidden sociopathy that lies dormant in a large fanbase, only to tear forth with a fury when an event occurs that requires fans to choose between their moral/ethical values and their favorite football team.   

Time will tell on our end, of course.  When you mix hormone-crazed young men with an atmosphere of privilege and entitlement, its not a matter of if, but when.  It can happen anywhere, and in time it will happen anywhere.  

Comment 28 Feb 2014

so of the three season's he's been eligible - we have a freshman year dumpster fire season bowl loss, we have a sophomore year bowl ban, and we have a junior year campaign that ended with a close loss to clemson.

seems to me that mr braxton is a realistic 0-1 in bowls with a pair of gold pants.  

offseason sucks for sure, but this is a pretty stupid premise and not very comparable to other outstanding qb's.

Comment 18 Feb 2014

"he's a terrific young man."

this one might be the most intellectually cowardly one of all: if you pay enough attention to the context of this cliche, it's almost always used by an old white male commentator as a derisive euphamism for saying that a black athlete talks and acts like a white kid in that "good, wholesome, civil" sense.  

"he can shoot, he can pass, he can defend, he has great grades, and he's just a terrific young man." = "he can shoot, he can pass, he can defend, he has great grades, and by golly you'd swear he was white if you weren't lookin right at him."

Comment 22 Jan 2014

a million times this.  the whole phenomenon of "overrated" vs "underrated" would be plausible if the ratings process was scientific or somehow objectively grounded, but its not.  

if anything, the exercise is more indicative of systemic biases of rankers than the performance of teams.

Comment 14 Jan 2014

as a pennsylvanian, i can attest that the whole 'minority factor' thing, while cliched, isn't necessarily invalid.

after all, pennsylvania is yinzburgh in the far west, philthadelphia in the far east, and f'n mississippi everywhere else.

the only reason that this state doesn't show up on any white supremacist heatmaps is because the soil is too rocky to plant crosses for burning. 

Comment 07 Jan 2014

then again, a few years ago the Olympic governing body tried cracking down on snowboarders because they claimed marijuana to be a performance enhancing drug too. 

grownups are generally stupid.

Comment 16 Dec 2013

lol.  i'm a buckeye fan because, well, i'm an ohio state alum.  i'm a pittsburgh fan because i was born here, spent the first 18 years if my life here, and overall spent approximately 20 of my 34 years on this planet here.  its pretty easy - fair or not. 

as for Huber?  poor cat.  if he's gonna be a player on the field, he'a gotta play like one. if any player on the PR unit thinks he can just stare down the returner as he cuts right up the middle and not expect to get his body mowed, he shouldnt be in the league.  this  wasnt some dirtly crackback block with a returner and his blockers trying to make the edge.  this was just a straight up the middle "you know i'm coming, do something about it" play.

(waiting for the downvotes by bungholes fans who know they got outplayed badly by the shittiest team pitt has put on the field in 20 years.  and by browns fans who are just doing what browns fans do on a monday after getting what's left of their heart torn out on national tv.  again.)

Comment 09 Dec 2013

i submit a 6th, possibly exclusive stage:


seriously - how many of us kinda/sorta knew the game was up the way that those fat pigs up north marched the field on us?  the supposed matchup of the weekend was their D against our O, but we kinda all knew that our number was up with our stark-naked-exposed D against an O that finally learned how to play football.  

being 100% honest, this is the first time in a long time that i've gone into a game hoping for the best but kinda expecting the worst.  in retrospect, i should have gone into the Florida game feeling like this too after those fat pigs up north exposed us too.  

its one thing knowing that you lost to a worse team...but maybe i just dont feel so down about this one because, deep down, i've been waiting for our D to finally let the other shoe drop?


oh, and get ready for footage of woody throat-biffing some undereducated clemson kid to be on infinite repeat in the leadup to the orange bowl.  

Comment 29 Nov 2013

my god i just wanna truck anything that has the color blue on it.  

Comment 26 Nov 2013

did it before the 02 game.  it was f'n miserable.  probably like 10* out.  this was pre-renovation, so generally when you landed, you either went thud into the mud, or you land on something and destroy your ankle/knee.  which i saw.  had to pull out some poor freshman girl who tore her acl or some shit because the water where she jumped was barely a foot deep.  oh, and i think i stepped on a sunken corpse or something too. overall, it was fun to do once, but i file that on the "i'm too old for that shit now" shelf.