BuckeyePoetLaureate's picture


Member since 06 July 2013 | Blog

Helmet Stickers: 1,579 | Leaderboard

Voting Record: 351 / 9

Fellow Buckeyes, I didn't particularly care for college sports until the beautiful day in 2007 when I learned that I had been accepted to Ohio State's stellar Creative Writing MFA Program. From that moment, I have found great happiness in succumbing to the benign tribalism that comes with being a fan of Buckeye sports. (I don't REALLY think that the Wolverines are evil subhumans, but it's fun to engage in good-natured taunting.) Ohio State has a stellar history of nurturing both great writers and great athletes. I hope to contribute poems that will continue both traditions and reinforce that Buckeye sports are really a long and wonderfully complicated narrative.


  • SPORTS MOMENT: 2008 Michigan Game. At the Shoe. We win. (Of course.)
  • COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYER: Current: Kenny Guiton. Past: Brandon Saine.
  • COLLEGE BASKETBALL PLAYER: Current: Aaron Craft. Past: William Buford.
  • MLB TEAM: Detroit Tigers

Recent Activity

Comment 28 May 2015

(The subject "piques" your interest.)

I don't particularly care about the NCAA itself, but student athletes (particularly ones in revenue sports!) are the most privileged 18-22-year-olds this side of trust funds.  The NCAA "allows" student-athletes to receive:

tens of thousands of dollars in tuition each year

free housing; if the student wishes, he can move off campus and gets a check instead. (As Peppers demonstrated, those checks don't always go to rent.

free food

free medical care

free tutoring, academic counseling and priority registration

free books

free travel home and back (here's what you do: book the most expensive plane ticket on the school's dime. Then change the ticket and pocket the difference.)

free stipend for incidentals.  Yes, football players get a lot more than the synchronized swimmers who get the stipends.

As Forbes points out, the value exceeds $2 million.  Where can a kid that young get as good a deal? 

You know what?  Maybe we should just take away all of the current remuneration and treat the young people like employees.  They'll be like minor league baseball players.  No scholarship.  No room.  No board.

And they'll make $1100 a month...and only during the season!  I'll bet the NCAA would take that deal.

Comment 27 May 2015

I'm having trouble feeling sympathy for Peppers when his stipend, housing allowance and other forms of compensation mean that he makes more than some of his teachers.

Comment 26 May 2015

Hey, thanks for making me miss Mad Mex, which was possibly the best part of my time in Columbus.  Beer.  Burritos.  Short walk home.


Comment 26 May 2015

None of us are FORCED to click on the QB controversy articles, right?  I click on them because I like reading about our interesting QB situation and the hilarious and intelligent analysis of the 11W commentariat.  

Instead of threatening people with 11W jail if they discuss possibly the biggest story facing Buckeye football, why not just not click on the articles about it?

Comment 13 May 2015

I don't know...Lyons's mother was totally qualified for the position she took that was so far away.  And she only committed minor violations on her Twitter feed once or twice.  #TeamMom #TotalCoincidence

Comment 13 May 2015

I was pretty upset about TatGate, but anything that happened then PALES in comparison to what happened at Penn State.  (And there's that other thing that happened that JoePa condoned that I won't get into for fear of running afoul of the commenting standards here.)

But yes, you're right. TTUN has had a terrible week.  It's glorious.  I'm amazed that Countess transferred. That says a lot about what's going on up there right now.  You HAVE to think that they tried to talk him out of it.

Comment 12 May 2015

I love the bit in that episode where Kramer pours himself some tomato juice and thinks it's milk.

Comment 01 May 2015

He posted the picture himself; it wasn't an accident. Imagine if:

  • OJ Simpson had dinner at Mezzaluna the day of the acquittal
  • A-Rod does a shooting-steroids-with-a-syringe gesture after hitting 660
  • Brady Hoke tries to start a new dance craze called the "Shane Morris Shake."
Comment 24 Apr 2015

In this case, the early bird got all the worms.

Comment 24 Apr 2015

In similar news, all of the Mayweather/Pacquiao tickets were snapped up instantly.  All of them were purchased by fans and none of the tickets will be scalped at multiples of their face value.

Comment 31 Mar 2015

I think we need to hire an 11W recruit's mother to bake us cookies and to make sure her son comments at 11W.

Comment 30 Mar 2015

I'm amused that they're all saying, "No, Mama G happens to be an employee of TTUN, so there's clearly no violation in her son coming here."  Then they say, "No, Mama G just HAPPENS to be the kid's mother, so there's no violation here."

Comment 29 Mar 2015

Ah, if we're only talking about something like message board chatter, that's a little different.  If I don't understand what someone is saying when I'm just chatting on the Internet, I ignore the comment and move on.

I will, however, point out that punctuation has a big effect on law and other things that do matter.  For instance, many people argue about their interpretations of the Second Amendment and many gallons of digital ink have been spilled over that pesky comma.  (Note: I am not making any comment on the Second Amendment or gun rights; I'm just pointing out that punctuation can cause big conflagrations.)

Comment 29 Mar 2015

Two spaces forever!

I know that graphic designers say that modern word processing programs add the proper spacing on their own, but it's simply not true.  Paragraphs that are built from single-spaced sentences look wrong.  The sentences are crammed together, in spite of what the designers tell you about the kerning. 

Remember: these are the same kinds of people who hide power buttons so the device looks "cleaner."  (But you can't figure out how to turn on the device.)  These are the folks who create web sites that hide all the buttons and methods of navigation so the pages will look "cleaner."  These are the designers who deprioritize text in favor of pictures and love to include Flash and Java where it isn't needed so the browser will crash.  Not that they care; they already got your click.

If you're wondering if I wish I had been born fifty years earlier...you're right.

Comment 29 Mar 2015

I respectfully disagree.  Do you want an attorney who "got the jist" of what was in the discovery documents he or she received?  Do you want a surgeon who "got the jist" of all of that blah-blah they were told and read about in med school?

Comment 22 Mar 2015

What a fun coincidence!  Yes, I knew about that.  It bums me out that so many lesser shows get so much more love (and their creators get more money), but NewsRadio was ahead of its time and was better than just about anything in the 1990s.

Comment 22 Mar 2015

Oh, what a fantastic anecdote!  I had no idea there was a board game for the show.  It looks like a fan production (which probably means it's a lot of fun).  

I love the DVDs too; it sounds like everyone involved loved each other and knew they were making something worthwhile.  Except for Joe Rogan and Andy Dick, maybe.  Have you heard Joe Rogan talk about their relationship?  It sounds very much like they are brothers who love each other, but have trouble getting along.  Additionally, if you've never heard what Dave Foley was going through while they were shooting the show, you should check it out.

I haven't yet written about NewsRadio for my writing craft web site, but I should do so because I love the show and its writing so much.  Do you mind if I use your anecdote as some kind of flavor in my essay?  (I could thank "Buckeyeneer" or your real name if you want.)

Comment 22 Mar 2015

I signed in just to add an amen to this.  NewsRadio is one of the funniest, best-written shows ever.  Paul Simms (who favorited a tweet of mine once!) joined with the excellent ensemble to create indelible characters and to forge comedy that is so wide-ranging that it will appeal to anyone.

If you're a nerd about such things (and why wouldn't you be?), then you can check out this incredibly valuable analysis of NewsRadio.

And Buckeyeneer?  Wazzaaaaahp?  Gazzizah, my dilznoofus.  You got the Upstate Prison Flava that keeps the Buckeyes winning all year long.  Damn, you crizzapy!