There is an anonymous psychiatrist on the internet who writes on his blog at thelastpsychiatrist.com. It's not really a self-help blog, it is more of a venue for this person to vent, but the person is incredibly insightful. I've found this particular post helpful in how I try to be a better person:
The Last Psychiatrist: How to Be Powerful, and Why You Are Not
It's not about actual power, this isn't some Gordon Gecko stuff. The main gist is this: We all know how to put our best foot forward. We know how to sit with proper posture, we know how to dress nice for a big date or presentation, we know how to be sober, but WE CHOOSE not to do those things. Why? Because if we put our best foot forward, if we live and present the best person we can be, and we face rejection, it wrecks havoc on our fragile ego. That's why we do things that we know aren't in our best interest, because subconsciously we are too afraid to strive to be great and fail, because that means we cannot be great. So instead we never try to be anything other than a failure, so that we can shrug it off and blame something else.
The primary goal of our ego is to avoid change. It will convince us whatever we are doing is right, no matter how self-destructive, as long as we don't have to change.
That's why what you're doing is important, Bass. You are taking the first step in being the best person you can be. You are owning up to the ways in which you have been holding yourself back. Your fear of failure is what kept you from being the person you want to be. I smoked too much pot for years, and I never knew that's why I was doing it until much later. I know it's hard, but you have to let the feelings associated with your parents go too, because you are going to subconsciously use that as an excuse your whole life. I've done it with several things, and all it does is put a glass ceiling on our dreams.
Best of luck, man. It's clear that you'll get better. You have your whole life ahead of you. If you deal with this stuff in your mid-twenties, you'll be way better adjusted than most people your age soon enough.